• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Summer of Nothing

A

arthunter888

Bluelighter
Joined
May 23, 2009
Messages
623
My summer is slowly wasting away. I live in a pretty major city (north east USA). I'm 21, male, in good shape. From age 16, I fell in love with cannabis, and made a circle of pot-head friends. They are all I know pretty much still. I was never as heavy a user as my friends, I only need a half bowl a day total.

I was always intensely intellectual. I was recognized by many school teachers as an outstanding student, perceiving and connecting with subtleties others missed, and very clearly articulate with my ideas. My mind is always racing with analysis, and this ties into a fascination with mind-blowing things: consciousness, existentialism, psychedelic states, etc. I am most definitely an INTP personality. This is very rare, and what makes things more rare is I am a non-conformist as well. I loathe the superficiality of mainstream society and their cookie-cutter lives. It is too shallow a life IMO. I guess you could say Terence Mckenna is my idol.

My soul is yearning for a change, something new, something refreshing. I feel I am on a different level than my friends, and I know this is true. They sit around like archetypal pot-heads, playing video games, not thinking, not questioning, just sedated. I want to meet new people, but this is hard and I am extremely introverted and shy, but somewhat confident at least. I can only seem to connect with other intellectuals, but most of the time they lack the open-mindedness I have with drugs in general. It is very important they be open to my interests without writing me off as a druggie.

I really want to go hiking, exploring, and just absorbing the fleeting summer that will be over soon, but I have no one to connect and share this with. I hope there is someone who can relate to this solitary state and help me out.
Share some ideas about how to move forward. thanks for reading, sorry about length.
 
Yeah , I'm in your state too. I recently stopped , but better said quited JWH weed. And I'm left with a ton of friends that still do it, their doing this all day non-stop sitting around and smoking, I'm left with nothing much to do yet, just to sit around, I'm sick of being in the same circle, same problems and same boring state. I'm also sad because like you said, it's summer, a month has passed and It was wasted on me getting better, but now when I'm starting to enjoy life without the highs I can't share it with many. I'll try making or going back to new friends that were not so open-minded about this substances, try to relate some common things and start doing new activities. It's good that like me you have a will to start doing new tings, and that's a start and you should not give up on that.
 
so....... you want to meet new friends but you're afraid that the "intellectuals" out there would denounce you as some sort of depraved drug addict if they knew of your awful secret? (that you smoke a half a bowl a day) It seems to me that you are making excuses for having a lack of friends that think of as worthy of your company.

I was always intensely intellectual. I was recognized by many school teachers as an outstanding student, perceiving and connecting with subtleties others missed, and very clearly articulate with my ideas. My mind is always racing with analysis, and this ties into a fascination with mind-blowing things: consciousness, existentialism, psychedelic states, etc. I am most definitely an INTP personality. This is very rare, and what makes things more rare is I am a non-conformist as well. I loathe the superficiality of mainstream society and their cookie-cutter lives. It is too shallow a life IMO.
Click to expand...
These are not "rare" feelings for the 21 year old mind. This particular paragraph reads like the introductory post of just about 75% of Bluelighters your age. Take a peek in the New Members Introductions forum if you don't believe me.

I really want to go hiking, exploring, and just absorbing the fleeting summer that will be over soon, but I have no one to connect and share this with. I hope there is someone who can relate to this solitary state and help me out.
Click to expand...
So get out there and do it.
 
Last edited:
^ This. You're just not that unique dude. Sorry.

However, you are operating under a false belief: the idea that you need to do activities with someone else to really extract enjoyment them. If you can't find someone with which to do things that interest you- then go do them alone. I have done just this in my life when I had no-one to hang out with living in Manhattan. I'd go to museums, movie festivals etc. all alone. These are some of my fondest memories still....

Don't waste your summer. Plan out the things you want to do and do them.
 
Get out of dodge young man . Hoard as much cash as you can manage and travel abroad .

Culture shock is a tremendous force to get one shut of useless introspection . A solo traveler, hosteler, backpacker has a huge probability of hooking up with fellow young people doing the same stimulating exploring . It is almost guaranteed that you will fall in with companions and maybe get laid as a bonus .
 
Just go and do things. I have a large group of friends but am more the willing to do things solo. I have gone to museums, music festivals, I spend alot of time in Europe alone as well.

Get overseas... you will meet cool people at hostels and shit. Be willing to do anything (as long as you feel safe and comfortable).....

I still get these feelings from time to time, but its much harder to do at 27...
 
I can't agree more. If I had waited for others, I would have had no life at all. If u want to do things, do them, otherwise, perhaps there is a deeper motivational problem afterall.
 
Thanks for the responses. It seems some of you are missing my point a little, or maybe I wasn't specific enough. It's not as simple as "get up and go". I've been going solo for a while now in between the occasional company of my old friends, and it's not what I want to remain doing. By the way, "INTPs are one of the rarest types, accounting for about 1–5% of the population" (wiki-- INTP).

My main goal is to meet like-minded people, locally. I can get trapped inside my head a lot, and doing things alone IME only feeds into this and is hence less enjoyable. I'm trying to escape this internalized state of being. Maybe it has something to do with my personal type combined with OCD, ADD, and mild Tourettes (people don't notice), but I find being with others comforting and pleasantly distracting, especially if they can think on my level. I guess I like listening and sharing POVs. It helps to breakthrough the erratic mental states I can enter, obsessive thoughts and shifting perspectives in general, and is sort of a release if I can share my thoughts with someone who can grasp them.

I know this sounds confusing, but this is my best attempt at explaining my inner workings. A deeper level of connecting is what I'm after.
 
I would definitely fit into the INTP category. I'm in much the same situation, but have been here for much longer. I completely stopped talking to my friends because I changed, and they didn't. I felt like we had nothing in common anymore. That was years ago, and I haven't made any friends since. People I meet are never interested in the things I am. If I even bring up drugs when speaking to someone I think is intelligent, they shy away. I've even had people ask me why I waste my life like that, why I would take something so bad for me willingly, etc. This is when discussing psychedelics, by the way. People have even asked me if I value my sanity, because taking these types of drugs is obviously like playing russian roulette with my mental health. It saddens me, and I'm to the point that I don't really try anymore. I've become even more introverted over the years. The only people I have conversations with are my fiance and my daughter, and my daughter obviously does not share any common interests. My fiance does not either. She is very social and enjoys what most people (around here at least) enjoy, drinking and partying. I've never been into partying, and I've only drank alcohol a handful of times. I absolutely despise it. Being around people who are drunk inevitably makes me feel disgusted and completely out of place.

I've though about traveling, but I do have a family to support. The only place I've met like-minded people is on internet forums. So, this is where I spend a lot of my free time. The chances that we live in the same area are slim. There doesn't seem to be many like-minded people in my area.
 
arthunter888 said:
My summer is slowly wasting away. I live in a pretty major city (north east USA). I'm 21, male, in good shape. From age 16, I fell in love with cannabis, and made a circle of pot-head friends. They are all I know pretty much still. I was never as heavy a user as my friends, I only need a half bowl a day total.

I was always intensely intellectual. I was recognized by many school teachers as an outstanding student, perceiving and connecting with subtleties others missed, and very clearly articulate with my ideas. My mind is always racing with analysis, and this ties into a fascination with mind-blowing things: consciousness, existentialism, psychedelic states, etc. I am most definitely an INTP personality. This is very rare, and what makes things more rare is I am a non-conformist as well. I loathe the superficiality of mainstream society and their cookie-cutter lives. It is too shallow a life IMO. I guess you could say Terence Mckenna is my idol.

My soul is yearning for a change, something new, something refreshing. I feel I am on a different level than my friends, and I know this is true. They sit around like archetypal pot-heads, playing video games, not thinking, not questioning, just sedated. I want to meet new people, but this is hard and I am extremely introverted and shy, but somewhat confident at least. I can only seem to connect with other intellectuals, but most of the time they lack the open-mindedness I have with drugs in general. It is very important they be open to my interests without writing me off as a druggie.

I really want to go hiking, exploring, and just absorbing the fleeting summer that will be over soon, but I have no one to connect and share this with. I hope there is someone who can relate to this solitary state and help me out.
Share some ideas about how to move forward. thanks for reading, sorry about length.
Click to expand...

I would avoid focusing too much on the INTP thing and the introspective aspect of your personality. I think a much better solution would be just getting out and meeting people 'almost' randomly. Once you start social interactions, people who have the potential to become your friends will naturally gravitate towards you.

Just because a person does not know who Terance Mckenna is doesn't mean he can't become your good friend or even dig into the ideas behind Terence Mckenna. Do you see what I mean?

My advice, is try and focus less on the INTP type stuff and do stuff that you would enjoy. Go to your local Museum of Modern Art. It has ton of psychedelic imagery that will appeal to people who like Terence Mckenna. Start talking to someone, maybe even someone who work there or something.
 
^^^that's good advice right there

You don't want to limit your potential pool of friends by pigeonholing yourself into a category like you're doing. What are you going to do, have people fill out a survey to determine they're exactly like you before they get to talk to you?

Why doesn't anyone have a personality anymore? It's all just symptoms and disorders and people define themselves by it..... crazy world out there
 
I feel the same way man. Im living down here in richmond and it seems like everyone is just smoking or drunk all the time. I'm tired of the same old bullshit! class, smoke, tv, eat, smoke, drink, sleep....fuck I need a change. I want to go hiking, camping, backpacking, trip with new people, meet girls, shit like that...

its very hard for me to do these things alone and its a hundred times easier to do it with someone else. I don't know what to do. I have tried to meet outgoing people ever since i moved here in january but it seems like everyones the same. HELP?! Do you happen to live in richmond? haha...
 
if youre worried about drug use putting people off, just dont mention it until youve established some sort of relationship with people. I have a few friends/girls that had no idea i did drugs until we were closer, and i know for sure if i had let them know right away then they wouldve looked at me differently and that wouldve prevented us from getting as close as we are.
 
...wait, don't most college-going twenty somethings smoke weed? If not most, at least enough to be able to establish a large circle of friends interested in just about any "intellectual" topic you can think of, be it computers, music, biology, physics, psychology, philosophy, art, etc.
Even among the people who don't smoke habitually, you should rarely find people who will straight up refuse to hang out with you just because you smoke weed. Now if you had some other bad drug habits that might(will) be a different story.
I fail to see how smoking weed alienates you in the slightest bit whatsoever once you hit your twenties. If anything, not smoking weed would do more harm to your social life than smoking. Weed really has nothing to do with it outside of the fact that you probably get really lazy and content when you are stoned, so you don't go out and make the changes in your social scene that you really need. It's all in your poor INTP head my man. I'm an INTP too, so I can relate.
EDIT: An INTP is just one way of looking at the totality of "you." It doesn't even really take everything into account. I had 2 different tests done by two different career counselors and I got INTP twice, but I have been a lot more outgoing and active lately. You don't need to consider yourself anything you don't want to, and you shouldn't let that determine who you should hang out with. I hang out with people of vastly different personality types than myself, and the more diverse my group of friends, the better. All those tests can show you is a snapshot in time of the way you were thinking about a certain set of questions. You aren't fixed into anything. It's probably better to not even think about the fact that you "are" INTP, just forget about it and live life.
 
Last edited:
darklane said:
I'm also sad because like you said, it's summer, a month has passed and It was wasted on me getting better,
Click to expand...

Your sad because your human.

But realisitically speaking, compared to your friends who are still getting high, you didn't "waste a month" on getting better. In fact, thats prob been your most productive month out of the whole year.

Although on your regular routine you may get more done getting high, this in between time is the largest investment in your future you can possible imagine. You might not see the turn around/pay back for another 5-10 years, but stay on this road and you will inevitably be better off. No time "getting better" is EVER time wasted.
 
I should clarify something. Recognizing myself as an INTP has no causal relationship with my conflict. It was actually recently that I turned to personality tests. After not much luck meeting people I could really click with for some time I took personality tests just to potentially gain insight that may explain things. It's understandable that based on what I've written you may have the impression that it is the concept of labeling myself as INTP that is limiting myself and narrowing my scope of potential friends.

Keep in mind, I'm not "requiring" people to meet exact characteristics in order to be my potential friends. The reason I brought up the INTP label is just to give you a clear picture of who I am. I understand that a personality test is not a thorough explanation of any person. However, I was floored by how well the analysis of this personality type describes me. It was just uncanny, something like 90-95% of the description I read matched what I know about my mind/traits.

This description also mentions that the INTP is compatible with a very limited range of people, mainly those who can offer enough intellectual stimulation to interest them. This makes sense, and it was AFTER this (and other info) held true about my life that I actually read about it in relation to INTPs for the first time. The reason I am now using this type as a major reference point is that it has already been verified by my life RETROSPECTIVELY (without bias). It is very hard to absolutely define a person, but using the INTP description is the only practical/concise way of referring to my traits on an internet forum. I can only hope that those responding are familiar with these traits enough to advise a method of attracting compatible people.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top