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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

'suicide tuesday' has been suicide week

H

Harambulus

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 23, 2009
Messages
624
Location
In the flow state
Well I just rushed to the toilet to puke my guts up after I was looking into why I have been feeling so suicidally low after my 3 day binge on mdma at the weekend.

Recently I had acquired 2gs of mdma crystals.

I had been getting arrogant with my pre/post loads thinking I could curtail nearly all the negative effects and so was taking it in a carefree manner thinking I would suffer little consequence.

Well, after a three day binge from friday to sunday (on and off but all through sunday consuming prob over 400mg) I am quite glad I've learned my lesson.

I stopped on sunday and flushed the rest but all through the week I have felt like the world is coming to an end and my existence is futile. I can't remember the last time I cried but listening to some violin music burst me into tears which lasted for ages.

I was doing some cleaning today and again burst into streams of sobbing and weeping thinking that everything is pointless and everyone is going to die and felt like shit for my parents cos I don't care for them enough etc. etc. There it set me off weeping again as I typed it.

That's really it for, with these chemicals. I knew I was coming down and had taken prob about 20mg of diazepam on monday or so and it was like torture as it never seemed to end and all I could do was lie in bed drifting in and out of sleep and I felt nauseaus throughout.

What was worse is piling in the 5htp (to no avail) in the hopes of countering this abysmal mindset meant the diazepam would knock me out and the 5htp would give me ghastly vivid dreams such that I couldn't tell if I was awake or dreaming.

I really didn't even wanna come on here again as I wanted to distance myself from all things drug related but being a harm reduction site, I really wanna knock chemicals on the head for good now and was hoping you guys could advice what would the best way to do that would be.

I also thought those who have suffered and overcome use of harder drugs on here might offer some helpful tips for the future although it's not something I want to dwell on and want to forget about and move on asap.

I think this aweful comedown has given me a good strong negative anchour to curtail further use in the future anyway as the main reason I puked was I was just taking a paracetamol and ingesting any pills since this comedown has caused me to become nauseous. It couldn't still be the mdma in my system as it's now thursday and I took the last dose on sunday.

I usually have no desire for drugs nor even think about them but it's certain triggers like a main passtime stops and that is when I'd seek drugs again so I want to make sure I'm aware of this so it doesn't happen again.

I was just doing some searching on the net and it offered me some solace to see my mental state is a common if in my case compounded occurrence as I discovered there is even a term for such a post chemical crash aptly titled 'suicide tuesdays' which due to my heavy binge has drawn out through the week.
 
Harambulus said:
I was just doing some searching on the net and it offered me some solace to see my mental state is a common if in my case compounded occurrence as I discovered there is even a term for such a post chemical crash aptly titled 'suicide tuesdays' which due to my heavy binge has drawn out through the week.
Click to expand...

Very true friend. I am an ex-E abuser. I have probably eaten anywhere from 300-450 rolls from 2007-2009. Ever since 2009, about 1 year and 2 months ago, I have not eaten any rolls.

I can relate very closely to the way you are describing the way you are feeling (crying for no reason, feeling like your existence is futile, etc.)

These feelings you are feeling are exactly what you think they are; just merely a chemical imbalance. The only thing that can heal your ecstasy wounds is abstinence from that lovely chemical.

One thing that completley saved my life through my ecstasy depression phase was good ol marijuana. I know that you stated that you want to change your life with drugs all-together; but on those days after ecstasy binges when I was feeling like absolute shit, a nice blunt was really the only thing that would let me feel "normal".

The only thing that heals is time my friend, so dont fuck it up. NO MORE E! =) good luck friend. And trust me, the depression does not last (as long as you arent putting more MDXX into your body X_x).
 
I would advise against taking anymore drugs particularly cannabis or grass as it is just as likely in your current mindeset that you will feel worse. It`s absolutely ridiculous advice :|

Drink plenty of water, get some excersise and fresh air and the feelings will pass in a few days.

If you go on 3 day binges then you are going to feel like this, try and remember next time you choose to take some more instead of getting some sleep.

Honestly, take it easy you will be fine in less than a week. ;)
 
Don't get so much MDMA if you end up use it all in three days binge.
 
Generally these binges aren't exactly planned...st sort of happen 8)

Anyway, I know exactly where you are coming from man -- it is terrible but if you can tough out the next few days you will be fine! Learned a lesson if nothing else I guess, hope you are better soon!
 
MDMA really is in a class of its own, both for its effects and the downsides of abuse.
Last time I truly overdid (~6 years ago) the worst lesson I ever experienced in "how not to abuse drugs" .. having gained an affinity for OxyContin (never a bad moment) and substituting in my old favorite MDMA, I remember lying immobile in bed, neuropathways burning in pain from my brain being on 'E' in the serotonin tank.

I swore off everything at that point (except some 5htp, who knows if that helped/hurt); believe I stayed clean&sober longer than ever since (a few months) as the shock stayed with me for much of that year.
Didn't touch MDMA for nearly 5 years after that Winter, though mostly by coincidence.

Good news is once I found some molly again a year or two ago, it worked as well as ever.

If we could all treat every drug with the respect necessary for MDMA, The Dark Side would hardly be necessary :|
 
How does the depression/suicidal thoughts from molly compare to the PAWs from a few years abusing opiates? I'm rather curious.

Because I was basically suicidal/depressed for the 23 days before I relapsed back on opiates, and have at most only used about 300mg of mdma in the course of 36 hours. But when I came down I felt more happy than suicidal from E. Even the following day I still would have a glow it seemed.

Is the depression really that bad from e? Is it more intense than opiate depression? I know its a very relative question but I can't imagine depression being any worse than what opiates do. If mdma depression IS worse thats just fucking horrific to imagine.
 
^^
For me MDMAs depression was more intense feeling it wasnt just a mood it was a feeling in your head. I could have won the lottery and I wouldnt have smiled. Disclaimer I was heavily abusing LSD and MDMA during the time period so YMMV. I really believe that the depression from all the seretoneginic drugs caused me life long depression the last time I rolled was like 4 years ago and I still have mild hppd and bad depression. If you burn out your seretonin system I dont think it ever works right again least mine hasnt.
 
Wow I can't even imagine depression being worse than how I felt during paws. That is a literal fucking nightmare to even think about.
I've always wondered which neurotransmitter (lack of) results in the worst depression, like dopamine, seretonin or endorphins/opiates. I know how bad a shut down of endorphins feels after opiates, I know how bad a dopamine shut down feels after speed (not as severe as opiates imo) but I guess thats why ssris are prescribed for depression and not something that mainly affects dopamine or opiate receptors.

I can't even imagine how much strength it must take to get through something like that. Good luck to all you guys battling that shit! Seriously.
 
In my experience i find these situations usually present themselves at a point in life where change 'needs' to occur. You've got the right perspective, looking at it as a wake-up call, the depression may be horrific.. but its also valuable that it's given you time to reflect and make the much needed lifestyle change.

You'll be fine, it will pass.. :)
 
A tear comes down every time I hear someone threw out a drug, especially mdma. I'd gladly drive a day or two if I could get them to give it to me instead of throwing it out :-\
 
Almost the exact same thing happened to me recently. About a month ago I consumed ~2grams of mdma in a 3 day binge, also fri-sun (maybe thursday aswell). The week after I regretted going so hard. It was potent and some friends in the past had had very strange experiences after taking too much.

But anyway, for the next 3/4 days, starting on the monday, I had started to feel increasingly bad. My family noticed that I was acting very strange; paranoid, extreme mood swings, very e,motional (when I was on my own) explosive temper and general oddness. In my mind i was relatively fine, except occasional light headedness. I also had a lot of trouble sleeping, waking every up at least once every hour, and getting very frequent sleep paralysis.
It was only I had returned to normal that I was told of how I'd been acting, and although it was strange to hear, because I hadnt noticed it at the time, I started to realise and remember a few strange things form the week, and accepted that I had gone a bit off.

This all made me decide to lay of MDMA for the forseeable future. I may of course dabble again in the future, but I cant see it being for a long while, although my worry would be is that I cant control myself well, and it'll happen all again.
 
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