Suicide thread, for assitance and support for all things related to suicide

[marsmellow]

I mess up EVERYTHING that I touch so I would never be delusional enough to believe it would be any different there.

You are already very delusional.

I do not believe I am fixable at all

It feels like that when you're in it, but it's not true usually.

my mum truly hates me

That's why she lets you stay with her?

you can tell shes thinking 'fuck off out of my life'

You can read her mind?

I know that wouldn't work out

You can predict the future?

I would be miserable as fuck there

How are you so sure about that?

Read this and see how many of them you do. If you're like me, you do all of them.

Then, start writing down all the negative things you think, and then try to think of reasons why they may not be true.

You sound like you have depression and borderline personality disorder. I have those too, and I used to think just like you do. But it's not true. When you are really deep in it, it seems like things can never get better. But that isn't true usually.

Where do you live at? Wherever it is, they probably have some sort of suicide hotline set up. You should call them. Even if you still plan on killing yourself, you should at least give that a try first.

 

[ColtDan]

^ excellent response.

 

[paranoid android]

Nothing is beyond fixing no matter what the problem it can be fixed. I know full well that when your in a pit of despair there seems to be no solution besides cancelling the gig but that is because depression gives you tunnel vision basically. All you can see is the end but you have to realize you only get one shot at life and it's kinda hard to fix anything when your under 6 foot of dirt.

If you are seriously suicidal please please go to the ER or something as nothing is worth ending your life over.

I am going to merge this with the existing suicide thread.

 

[wooger]

You are already very delusional.

It feels like that when you're in it, but it's not true usually.

That's why she lets you stay with her?

You can read her mind?

You can predict the future?

How are you so sure about that?

Read this and see how many of them you do. If you're like me, you do all of them.

Then, start writing down all the negative things you think, and then try to think of reasons why they may not be true.

You sound like you have depression and borderline personality disorder. I have those too, and I used to think just like you do. But it's not true. When you are really deep in it, it seems like things can never get better. But that isn't true usually.

Where do you live at? Wherever it is, they probably have some sort of suicide hotline set up. You should call them. Even if you still plan on killing yourself, you should at least give that a try first.

hmm I do do alot of the things on that list thingy But here is the thing, my mother tells me she hates me, soooo I don't really need to be able to read her mind, I'm pretty sure if it were up to her, I would not be staying here, she tried getting rid of me numerous times when I was alot younger and when I moved away to uni, she was so relieved.

and maybe it wouldn't be a total disaster, but why wouldn't it be? everything else I have done up to this point in life has been, so I don't see why this would be any different. .

 

[marsmellow]

hmm I do do alot of the things on that list thingy

Yeah, almost everyone with mental illness does. They are exaggerated and irrational thoughts though. It says that in the introduction and I want to emphasize it again. Those thoughts aren't true, 99% of the time. Depression distorts the way you see reality and makes you believe things that aren't true. Have you thought that maybe, what you are thinking isn't true?

Seriously, I think you should take the advice of that psychiatrist, and go in for CBT. That list of things is based on cognitive psychology, which is the C in CBT. Changing thinking like that is one part of it, and the other part is changing your behavior.

I can't help you with that, and I doubt that many people here could. So, I would go see a professional, if I were you. It does help a lot, even if your situation doesn't change. I'm addicted to benzos, and probably alcohol too, and I still have bouts of intense depression and suicidal thinking, but I feel a lot different since I started going to therapy. Maybe you will too?

But here is the thing, my mother tells me she hates me, soooo I don't really need to be able to read her mind, I'm pretty sure if it were up to her, I would not be staying here, she tried getting rid of me numerous times when I was alot younger and when I moved away to uni, she was so relieved.

Ok, that sucks, but why should what your mother thinks of you determine what you think about yourself? She doesn't control your mind, you do. Don't you?

and maybe it wouldn't be a total disaster, but why wouldn't it be? everything else I have done up to this point in life has been, so I don't see why this would be any different. .

Everything has been? Look at that list again. You are doing 1-7 with this one statement here. That's not good, because if you always think like that, you will always feel like that, and your life will always be a disaster. At least in your own mind it will be.

Look... the past is the past. You can't change the past, but you can change the future. Do you want to? Or do you want to always feel like you do now?

I don't care about the answer to those questions too much, but you should. Think about it for a bit, and if you decide that you do want to change, then I strongly recommend that you go to therapy. It does help, and you probably do have a future. You just need to climb out of the hole that you're sitting in to see it.


One more thing... you might want to get out of the house, as much as you can. The place I live has the same kind of negativity attached to it, and I've found that getting out of it does a whole lot to improve my mood.

 

[Dave]

^ very wise words, to which I couldn't possibly add. I needed to be reminded of the delusional thoughts criteria as well; thank you for that.

 

[BrahamCracker]

i stopped taking my anti depressents and once again am thinking about suicide. No matter what i do i can't shake this alone feeling i have. I have pretty girls throwing themselves at me and i don't want a relationship because of all my demons. I think it's cuz i don't know what to do when i'm not alone. I fell asleep with my gun last night in case i had an overwhelming feeling to end it. I'm crying randomly for nothing, all it takes is a childhood memory, any of them. i blew 5k my grandma gave me and now am applying for jobs because i dont have enough money for rent. ( ididnt blow it on drugs, just some weed) and i still blew it. I am not longer an addict and still suffering. The only reason i post this here is in case somebody responds because i get the same ol same ol from every single flesh person i tell.

I sit in my room and pray and cry for any help. If anyone believes in god, i'm sure they will say he doesn't work like that. So praying is useless. My adhd keeps me moving around non stop and not getting anything done. I produce music and write lyrics about death and philosophy. I've deleted everyone off facebook in my past and they keep adding me, making my heart sink. I have had no real romance (my stupid choice) for years because i;m scared.

Am i scared to get better?

 

[ColtDan]

no, you're delusional.

keep in mind things could always get worse

 

[n3ophy7e]

Braham, I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much right now
Why did you stop taking your anti-depressants?? If you're suicidal, it might be because you actually need to be on meds at this point in time. It is really common for ex-addicts to experience depression and dispair after they've gotten clean, and this can sometimes last for years. But it is manageable. Are you seeing a psychiatrist at the moment? It sounds like you really need some professional support and assistance, please seek it.

I also urge you to please lock your gun away. Don't even give yourself the option of using it. I know you are going through a really hard time at the moment but no amount of emotional pain is worth ending your life, and the reason for that is that emotional pain is only temporary. Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems, why waste your life when you can put your energy towards finding a way to feel better and to keep living.

I know the pattern of thoughts that you're describing, that you're constantly beating up on yourself for the mistakes you've made and that you're stupid/worthless/etc. I know, because I do the same thing to myself all the time. But we are really just making things worse for ourself, and unnecessarily so! Are you scared to get better? Possibly. Sometimes if we've been depressed for so long it becomes like a security blanket, and it becomes such a habit to keep ourselves locked in that depressive state of mind. So yes it can be scary to open up and change that aspect of ourselves. I would really love for you to just try to think of ONE good thing about yourself, remind you that you are successful in that one aspect of yourself, and allow yourself to feel proud and happy about that. When we are depressed it is so easy to just focus on all the negatives, when in fact there are almost always MORE positives about ourselves that we totally ignore, because we're so stuck in the depression-rut at that time. You mentioned that you write songs, I imagine that you're pretty good at that man, admit it to yourself and feel proud for that If you can try to do this at least once a day about some positive aspect of you, it will get easier to do (practice makes perfect )

Please also remember that you are feeling suicidal because of the changes in neurochemicals in your brain, because you've just gone off your anti-depressants. This is a really common reaction when people go off their meds, and these feelings will not last forever. I know that might not make you feel better in itself, but perhaps knowing that literally millions of people have gone through exactly what you're going through now and have all come out the other side for the better, without resorting to suicide, might give you some reassurance that you CAN and you WILL get through this.

Please PM me if you want to talk one-on-one. And please take care of yourself, you deserve it

 

[strawberrie8804]

ToDAY I tried to kill myself!

Why is it that everyone thinks that every person has someone or some reason to be alive
Today I tried to kill my self 3 times cut my wrist my gf got rid of all my good razors oh yea im gay lol tried to hang myself ive gained more weight than i like and almost broke the hook in my closet and then a bag over my head holes all over smh I dont know anyone that has ever wanted to die so bad but just couldnt kill them selves I feel weak and stupid Now im sittin her bloody wrist bruised neck o and cut my hair fml Welp I just wanted to get that off my chest talk if you wanna I wouldnt mind having a real friend!!! .

 

[Dave]

Hello again strawberrie! I'm going to go ahead and merge this with our suicide thread.

Thanks for checking out TDS by the way-- have a read, there's a lot of good information here. Especially in this thread.

 

[S.M.F.G]

I was just reading strawberrie's intro in antoher thread. just wanted to say im glad that the above post got moved here, i just replied you shuld check this thread out strawberrie... Hang in there man, theres all the support that can be given here
NOTHIN'S worh kinnin ones self ova.

 

[strawberrie8804]

does everyone think im a man? thanks you guys i really just needed someone to listen a friend of mine is takin me to see some docter tomorrow maybe i can sort things out

 

[severely etarded]

good luck hope things get better

 

[butterflyk]

I'm doing some in depth research on the best methods to go through with it. Something that will make me feel like I'm just going to sleep.

i thought swallowing 150 1 mg klonopin would make me go to sleep forever but i survived it...

 

[OverDone]

hi butterfly! Was this recent? 150 mg is a rather large amount and I'm concerned that, if this was relatively recent, you should get a check up with your PCP.

If this was in the very recent past, the emergency room would be a suggestion that I would strongly recommend.

If you ever need to vent, rant, scream or unleash... please feel free in PM'ing me.

 

[ahint]

*hugs for strawberrie* I hope you're safe right now...
I know you don't feel like it, but could you get yourself down to A&E? I understand how you're feeling (seriously - similar happened to me, I'm not just bullshitting) and it can be really, really, really difficult to see beyond how you're feeling right now, but it's important to know (even if not with emotion, just a sense of it) that this can get better. But you're not weak, or stupid, when things get too much we just want relief.
If you can, what's triggered this?

I'm glad you've found a little relief, it's always good to talk it out! :D And well done on going to see a doctor. I hope everything works out.

 

[raveageddon]

****trigger warning*** - this may be necessary I'm not sure. This post contains descriptions, of drug use/effects, suicide attempt and hospital visits.

Hey all I'm a new user and really have not posted much or in some time. A horrible thing happened last night and I just wanted to get some perspectives. A friend of mine attempted suicide last night by consuming a massive quantity of MDMA. I don't know the exact amount but as he was being taken to the hospital with some friends he claimed to have taken 60 caps (molly). I know that seems insane.. could have been less I don't know but he would have been able to access that much if he wanted. I wasn't present but I hear he was shaking uncontrollably, sweating profusely and could not recognize any of his friends around him. However he was able to communicate with them reasonably well (ie: responsive, answered questions when asked). Luckily he was not alone and was in the emergency room within an hour of taking the stuff. They sedated him, put him on a fluid drip, gave him a CAT scan, ect. That was about 15 hours ago. He is still in intensive care and condition is stable (thank god). I have no other information and don't know if he is conscious or not. I guess what triggered this incident is a break up. The guy also been dealing with a potentially fatal illness over the last little while (but as far as I know the treatment was going well). The two things combined were just too much I guess. Anyway, I'm wondering if anyone has any experience with massive MDMA overdoses. I have no idea if there is still a chance he could die or assuming he survives how bad his recovery will be. I guess the doctors said they caught it in time so that's good but still this is really bad.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Hey man, I'm so sorry to hear that your friend attempted suicide. It must've been a huge shock for you and the rest of your friends, and his family as well. I'm really glad to hear that he is okay
To be honest I don't know much about the side effects of such a huge dose of MDMA but I will do a bit of reading and see if I can come up with any info. I am guessing that he will experience a pretty bad comedown due to the serotonin being extensively drained from his brain. Serotonin is constantly replaced in the brain and various other parts of the body though so he will begin to improve. I don't know how long this will take though.
I will post here if I find out anything noteworthy.


*edit* So after reading a couple of articles it appears that the main risks associated with MDMA overdose are serotonin syndrome, which if he has been in hospital since his OD he will have been treated/supported for this and it isn't likely to be an ongoing issue; and also potential kidney failure/damage. This might be a problem but I am sure that the doctors have accounted for this and are keeping a close eye on his kidney functioning (this would also have been one of the main reasons they put him on IV fluids).

I think he is going to be just fine man
The main thing he should consider after this is getting some counselling/therapy so that he has better methods of coping with distressing situations and problems in his life that he will come up against in the future, rather than even considering suicide as an option.

I wish your friend a speedy recovery

 

[Sheffsam]

Last week I experienced the worst bout of depression I have had for a couple of months, and the first serious thoughts of suicide for a couple of years, since I came out of a heavy period of MDMA use.

The only person I feel understands me when I'm in this state is an old girlfriend, probably the only woman I ever loved (and managed to lose through both her and my depression) so talking to her can be a double edged sword when I am that fragile. She spent 3 hours on the phone helping me though, despite the pain it caused both of us.

Still confused and hurting, I hunted down a bunch of codeine and diphenhydramine to calm me and in the process of checking some info on the net stumbled upon this thread, or rather it's archived predecessor. It's not the first time I've been on BL, but was the first time I'd noticed TDS.

That night was the start of climbing back up to my normal baseline depression, still demotivated and unhappy, but a hundred times better than where I was.

Over the next few days I read through this thread, which given its intensity is no easy task. I knew I wanted to post something when I'd finished reading. Being an insufferable wordy smartass, all sorts of 'clever' similes and turns of phrases popped into my head, in the end though it came down to this:

The people here are amazing. Thanks for restoring some of my faith in humanity.

I hope those in dark places now will find happier times soon.

(Apologies if this post is misplaced or rambly, currently clocking 34hrs without sleep thanks to my wonderful brain.)