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Suicide thread, for assitance and support for all things related to suicide

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my dad is asking me for drugs to kill himself with

luckily he is dumb... 'ambien?'
 
Cops just stomped through my house harassing the she out of me, even made me open my pet tank up to prove the leaves are plastic, he rips it out, throws it on my bed with dirt. I go to clean the dirt off and he gets in my face like hes gonna arrest me for getting a speck of dirt on his goosestepping boot. FUCKING HATE THE FUCKIN PO LICE. That pussy must have got beat up a lot in school, spent a year at community college so he can power trip his way through life. Fuckin pussy bitch, I shoulda got a name and filed a complaint.


FUCK THE POLICE
 
^Actually, ~80% of police departments in the US do not require college-level education.
 
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Dragynfyr said:
Cops just stomped through my house harassing the she out of me, even made me open my pet tank up to prove the leaves are plastic, he rips it out, throws it on my bed with dirt. I go to clean the dirt off and he gets in my face like hes gonna arrest me for getting a speck of dirt on his goosestepping boot. FUCKING HATE THE FUCKIN PO LICE. That pussy must have got beat up a lot in school, spent a year at community college so he can power trip his way through life. Fuckin pussy bitch, I shoulda got a name and filed a complaint.


FUCK THE POLICE
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Yes you should definitely file a complaint, even though you don't have a name they should be able to track who the officer was. That is fucking outrageous and should NOT happen!!!
Man I hope you're okay <3
 
retardarse said:
So I have tried to kill myself several times and failed. It seems that I am building a bigger wall around me. I took some of the advice that was given to me here. I went to the hospital explained everything so they baker acted me. On my third day I never got evaluated and was released from hospital. No meds or anything. So because of my failed attempts at suicide I now have a rage building inside me. I feel that the first person to cross my path, I am going to kill them. The violent thoughts are increasingly growing I have tried to hurt ppl but something gets in the way. IDK where to find help. I feel that something may happen soon if I dont get myself under-control. HELP.
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have you thought about trying to go to an inpatient mental health center? i saw that you were in orlando and looked one up - just to give you an idea. if you were willing to go to the hospital and spend some time there i think an inpatient place could be another option since you didnt get the help you needed. the place is called Pasadena Villa – Orlando. look it up, might be helpful, im assuming your an adult. just a suggestion if your having homicidal and suicidal thoughts.



Dragynfyr said:
Cops just stomped through my house harassing the she out of me, even made me open my pet tank up to prove the leaves are plastic, he rips it out, throws it on my bed with dirt. I go to clean the dirt off and he gets in my face like hes gonna arrest me for getting a speck of dirt on his goosestepping boot. FUCKING HATE THE FUCKIN PO LICE. That pussy must have got beat up a lot in school, spent a year at community college so he can power trip his way through life. Fuckin pussy bitch, I shoulda got a name and filed a complaint.


FUCK THE POLICE
Click to expand...

i had a feeling you were male. cops only treat guys like that. they sooo need to power trip and assert their superiority over guys. even in the hood i was treated with pretty good respect. gotten out of soo many speeding tickets - like going 30+ over - the one exception was a state cop. but staties are the woorst power trippers. "they have dirisdiction over the whhooooolllleee state!" haha the best part about being a girl is that even the under covers in the hood cant rip you out of the car...depending on the hood that is. keep goin strong, things will get better man :)
 
DexysMidnightRuner said:
i had a feeling you were male. cops only treat guys like that. they sooo need to power trip and assert their superiority over guys. even in the hood i was treated with pretty good respect. gotten out of soo many speeding tickets - like going 30+ over - the one exception was a state cop. but staties are the woorst power trippers. "they have dirisdiction over the whhooooolllleee state!" haha the best part about being a girl is that even the under covers in the hood cant rip you out of the car...depending on the hood that is. keep goin strong, things will get better man :)
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State police are the worst, and are unable to treat women with any amount of decency or respect.

I have also seen police officers, not state troopers, be horrible towards women but I believe that was out of racism and not so much sexism. :\
 
^^ yeah. if you wanna be an uber prick then be a state cop ha. but generally if im respectful and pull the "im sorry officer what have i done..?" act, i dont have a problem. or in a hood situation, just be respectful, try not to appear frazzled by their approach, and make sure you remember the "you have the right to remain silent" rule and dont incriminate yourself, i generally have no problem. i find that they just go in with hostility towards guys no matter what however. even if hes being respectful and what not. just power trippers.

but on the other hand, sometimes cops can actually be there when you really need them, and most of them have to put up with obnoxious kids who think they are the fucking shit, when all they are trying to do is their job. so i try not to bash them too much. i have respect for the nice ones atleast.
 
you'd never know it from looking at me, but i've been thinking about suicide for months.

the funny part? objectively speaking, most people would agree my life's not bad. i am my own boss, rarely working more than 30 hours a week. i try to be as healthy as i can be, working out 5x a week and eating at least five fruits and veggies a day. i rarely eat processed food; in fact i try to eat as little meat as possible. i meditate daily. i go to dance class and take martial arts; i'm probably going to pick up boxing later this month. my long-term goals are to learn thai and move to thailand or any other poker-friendly 3rd world country.

why do i want to kill myself, then? well, i don't really WANT to, but i want to live even less.

this is nothing new. i've been thinking about suicide since i was a teenager. chances are i've got some brain chemicals haywire. i read driven to distraction and ADHD fits me to a T.

the only thing that's really stopped me is that i don't know if it's from the meth use. i've been using meth infrequently since the summer. from july to october roughly once every 2-3 weeks on average -- sometimes i'd take a 4-6 week break, sometimes i'd use 2-3 times in a few weeks. from oct 1 to dec 10 or so i used it once. i used again last week but it was terrible, terrible quality.

my opinion? probably. but i've always told myself, okay, you want to kill yourself? just wait on it. because if you really want to you'll want to a month from now, six months from now. it's a decision you can't reverse, so what's the harm in waiting?

i don't fear death. i think of it as a respite.

as a result i'll still wait another 3-4 months. we'll see what god has in store for me.
 
^Right on for eating as little meat as possible. Vegetarianism and Veganism are noble lifestyle choices. You are saving many lives and making yourself healthier in the process.

I suggest that you stop your methamphetamine habit (even if it is just occasional). It is known to trigger psychosis, depression, and certainly clouds one's judgment.

You sound like a good person, KamMoye. The world needs good people, so do not off yourself. Keep your chin up and remember: nothing happens unless you make it happen.

I too have a history of suicidal ideation, but with some help I overcame it. If you ever care to talk privately, shoot me a PM.
 
A lot of people use meth so as to cope with ADHD-like symptoms. You likely had issues before your meth use. I do not believe what you are experiencing is from drugs alone.

Please decide to stick with it though, life will get better, I promise. It seems that you aren't doing too bad for yourself. I would recommend getting help from a doctor.

There is a thread in TDS you might like to check out called ADHD and Drug Abuse.
 
retardarse said:
So I have tried to kill myself several times and failed. It seems that I am building a bigger wall around me. I took some of the advice that was given to me here. I went to the hospital explained everything so they baker acted me. On my third day I never got evaluated and was released from hospital. No meds or anything. So because of my failed attempts at suicide I now have a rage building inside me. I feel that the first person to cross my path, I am going to kill them. The violent thoughts are increasingly growing I have tried to hurt ppl but something gets in the way. IDK where to find help. I feel that something may happen soon if I dont get myself under-control. HELP.
Click to expand...

You might wanna try combat sports(boxing or mma) as a way to unleash tension....once you get hit a few good times I think your feelings of rage will diminish...if you MUST hurt someone(in real life, not sport) then please don't hurt someone just trying to live their life... it's easy enough to find people that would gladly fight you in the street(in a bad area of town) if you just look at them the wrong way.
 
What is the best way to go? I'm thinking a large amount of diazepam and iv heroin. Should I add alcohol to the mix?

I suffer from a fundamental inability to connect with other people yet human interaction is what I crave more than anything. I cannot remember the last time I felt genuine human contact. The loneliness is crushing, it is worse than any physical pain ever felt. Day after day I sit alone in my room in a state of utter apathy and avolition. I have no ambitions whatsoever. I have nothing to offer the world, there is no place in society for me.

Loneliness is the worst form of torture yet it is my inescapable fate. I have no-one. I cannot continue like this.

Please, I am beyond being dissuaded from doing this. I just want to know how I can exit in the least painful manner.

I've been reading this site for a while; there are some truly wonderful people here and I wish you all the best.
 
the outsider said:
What is the best way to go? I'm thinking a large amount of diazepam and iv heroin. Should I add alcohol to the mix?
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No, please don't do this!

I suffer from a fundamental inability to connect with other people yet human interaction is what I crave more than anything. I cannot remember the last time I felt genuine human contact. The loneliness is crushing, it is worse than any physical pain ever felt. Day after day I sit alone in my room in a state of utter apathy and avolition. I have no ambitions whatsoever. I have nothing to offer the world, there is no place in society for me.
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You're not alone there. I also don't connect with people well, I just have less desire to than you. This doesn't mean that you can't work on yourself, and you can still find people to be friends with. :)

Loneliness is the worst form of torture yet it is my inescapable fate. I have no-one. I cannot continue like this.

Please, I am beyond being dissuaded from doing this. I just want to know how I can exit in the least painful manner.

I've been reading this site for a while; there are some truly wonderful people here and I wish you all the best.
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No one is going to tell you how to end your life. This is a harm reduction forum. Using drugs is the wrong way to do it though. Many people try this, and due to their tolerance, it doesn't work and they feel worse afterwards.
 
fuck i dont want to be here anymore,. i'm an empty shell, no positive feelings, just negative shit.

a quick way out of all the negative shit would be what i need, fucking sucks that its come down to it. i've tried hundreds of times to stay sober,(im sober now and it fucking sucks) and every attempt shit just got worst, my family and i arn't on talking terms because of my god damnd fucking shit fuck cunt step-dad. he's thinking that because i'm a addict that my mom shouldnt help me out. like help with the rent here at the halfway house until i get a job, and i'm trying my damnist to get a job. hell i might have one at outback.

i just want to get my stepdad alone and fucking kill the basterd. id enjoy sitting in prison for the rest of my life knowing that my mom isnt with the twat, and dont have to worry about him saying that he's better than me because he flushd a quarter ounce of blow down the toliet.. yeah joe way to fucking go there, i bet that makes u a man now that u did that shit, i bet ur moms so fucking proud that u did it. just wait till jesus hears about it, i bet u get such a big cookie that no one else can enjoy but your fucking selfish self. fuck u man i fucking hate you, i wish you would disapear from my life for good. you wait you fuck, just you wait what comes around goes around, u treat me like shit then ur gonna get treated like shit, karmas a bitch and i'm going to sit where ever the fuck i'll be sitting when it does happen, and i'm going to smile.

i'm struggling, if i go back out and use, i'm dead. i'm going to overdose. easy as that, "accidental overdose" happens all the fucking time. i'll just be one more lost soul that could have gotten better if it wernt for fucking over rated tough love. fuck you america
 
D's, eventually, if you stay sober long enough, I think your mom will learn to trust you again.

If she doesn't, then learn to be successful on your own, and don't worry about them. If they aren't willing to support you, then you can't do anything but continue on in life without them.

Have you considered telling your mom it's hard to stay sober without support?

There are ways she can support you so that she knows it won't go to drugs and what not (she can write a check to the half way house you are at, etc.) - she doesn't have to give you cash.

I take it you have tried reasoning with her?
 
the following are the thoughts that have kept me from killing myself for two and a half decades now. if you think they're stupid that's fine, but i don't need to hear from you, just leave it alone.

i think that everything happens for a reason ...

i have a basic sense that our reality is bigger than we can know --- anyone ---

and that "i" or a larger more complete aspect of myself has somehow chosen this life i'm living --- aka that this hell of loneliness i'm living through is somehow what i'm --supposed-- to be living through - for whatever fucked up reason the universe has -

so, if i terminate the experience, the deal will not be closed. the chapter unfinished. i'll just be thrown back into a similar circumstance, as many times as it takes until i learn to deal with it.

i just want to get it over with. no fucking way i'm doing this again. i'll just live it through to the natural end, soak up whatever pain existence wants me to feel, and be done with it.

if some good shit happens along the way, well it's just all the sweeter ! no one else can savour the good stuff like we can !!!

of course we sometimes get scared of good things happening because they might give hope-=- and hope never seems to pan out --- and being scared to feel good because it hurts so much to lose it yet again, is a horribly hard thing to live with. that's the loss of hope, and the beginning of the end for so many.

so i just appreciate the good moments when they come. i slowly learn to accept negative feelings as they are, without getting upset about feeling bad - because that's the deadly spiral right there -

and nothing is more wonderful on this Earth than a mutherfucking tall glass of cold water in the middle of the fucking desert. those who live the psychologically pampered life never really know how that feels !!! we can !!! find it !!!
 
i have a basic sense that our reality is bigger than we can know --- anyone ---

and that "i" or a larger more complete aspect of myself has somehow chosen this life i'm living --- aka that this hell of loneliness i'm living through is somehow what i'm --supposed-- to be living through - for whatever fucked up reason the universe has -

so, if i terminate the experience, the deal will not be closed. the chapter unfinished. i'll just be thrown back into a similar circumstance, as many times as it takes until i learn to deal with it.
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That really resonated with me actually. Thanks man. I'm gonna stick it out for a while longer at least.

I'm lonely as hell too. Completely, utterly alone. I just want someone to hold me. Fuck, typing this is making me cry.

Thanks everyone.
 
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