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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Mental Health Suicide is my only option

westhill,

So, I found the movie. Flirting With Fate (silent movie era). I don't have lots of complex advice today. You're the first person I've shown this so be kind about it. The last half is the good part. The scene with the people from the Salvation Army when the guy asks "are you prepared"... Ahh, I can't ruin the movie you have to watch.

Available free on Archive.org
[video]https://archive.org/download/Flirting_with_Fate/Flirting_with_Fate_512kb.mp4[/video]
or better quality
[video]https://archive.org/download/Flirting_with_Fate/Flirting_with_Fate.mp4[/video]
 
How was your weekend? Perhaps what you had was cool breezes and, hopefully, some warm sunshine.

Wishing you well,
Harry
 
Hi Harry and everyone, sorry for the silence of late but been really thinking things through. I spent the weekend relaxing as much as possible, contemplating life.
One thing that is bothering me, to be honest, is my friend and his wife's 4 children, the family see me as a really close friend and are expecting me to stay at their's for Christmas. (My marriage and family fell apart after the ptsd started).
I know how upset they would be and to be frankly honest it would devestate them and completely ruin their Christmas. Their children are really exicted I'm meant to be coming for Christmas. It's a difficult choice, I spent time with that family just today and they really don't have a clue what is going to happen soon.
I had a pm from someone very kind last night and I mentioned it was selfish, but that I had to go ahead to finally erase my pain.
After today I am a bit tormented by the effect this will have on them and wish I wouldn't cause them any anguish.
Over the years i have pushed everyone away and closed myself off, but they have stuck by me.
Ps I watched the silent movie suggested in earlier post, yes, very funny, the salvation army bit....'prepare to meet your maker/God' from the assassin lol.
 
I sent you a PM so I won't go over it all again here but I think that the fact that you are thinking of these people might be a place to simply be for a while longer. Maybe if you do not see it as now or never, it would be easier to return the love of your friend and his family just for now. It reinforces my respect for you, for the thought you are bringing to your life. <3
 
Kids are awesome. Seeing a kid happy when he gets the presents he wants fills me with joy. And with kids that memory will last into adulthood. I'm 26 and remembers things that happened when I was as young as 5, and I've never forgot them. Maybe they will remember their awesome Christmas with you one day?
 
westhill said:
my friend and his wife's 4 children, the family see me as a really close friend and are expecting me to stay at their's for Christmas.
Click to expand...
Kids recognize veterans are warriors and deserve respect. There is always the sense of safety near veterans. I have a memory of a veteran from my childhood. We'll use the name "Rony". My memory is spotty from those years, I'll always remember him. Because of my disability my childhood was rough. Some people were especially compassionate and patient, such as Rony. Rony had served various positions in the military including being on the crew of Air Force One. After Rony left the military he eventually became successful and wealthy. In his retirement he had a v-tail Bonanzan he flew.

A brown version of this
640px-V-Tailed_Beechcraft_Bonanza.jpg


On this day Rony took me flying in his airplane and taught me how you fly with what he had. This was mid fall and the cool air made the leaves on the trees turn flashy colors. Everything had this natural sweet aura because of the weather. I ate my breakfast of orange juice and 30 minutes later we took off. As we flew I remember the cool air in the plane. All of the colors seemed brighter as we looked down at the ground miles below. Rony handed me the controls and let me fly several minutes. We landed at another airport and I had a glass of water and don't know about what happened after that. You taught me how courageous Rony was surviving all of those years after his enlistment ended. I know because he kept going my life is better.

Have you thought about the dish you'll bring with you on Christmas (if you are going). After years of separation my family is back in my life and my mom makes a carrot casserole you'll be starstruck about. The recipe is easy. I'll call and ask her the details. I'll post the recipe tomorrow, then you'll have the recipe just in case.

Until then I have another movie you should watch. Speak Easily
https://archive.org/download/SpeakEasily/Speak_Easily_512kb.mp4
 
Carrot Casserole
------------------

Ingredients
-4 cups of sliced carrots
-1 cup of diced Velveeta cheese
-Potato chips
-1/4 cup of butter
-1/2 small onion finely diced

Instructions
-Boil carrots until barley cooked then discard water
-Mix carrots and onions
-Place carrots and onions in lightly greased oven safe container
-Melt cheese and butter together in microwave
-Stir melted butter and cheese
-Drizzle butter and cheese over carrots and onions
-Crumble potato chips over casserole
-Cook in preheated 350°F oven until golden brown (about 30 minutes)
-Serve warm
 
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