Suicide, drug use and spirituality.

[Black Rabbit of Inle]

I didn't know where to put this so please feel free to move it mods.

On the 22nd of this month a friend of mine lost her struggle with mental illness and took her own life, leaving behind a 5 month old boy. She was the ex of one of my closest friends and her death has touched the lives of the majority of my friends circles. She was a bright young spark who was able to hide her struggles when she was around people, and we had somewhat of a connection because we both suffered from the same condition.

I hadn't seen her in about 4 years and was talking of catching up with her again right before this happened. However since hearing the news, I have been very apathetic. I know I should be mourning the loss of a good friend and a kind soul, but I just don't feel like I can. The funeral is in 2 days and I don't know if I can bring myself to be there.

Over the weekend I took a larger-than-normal dose of DXM, which I wrote a trip report for while still high and not being able to remember a large portion of it. Today though, I have memories of the most spiritual trip that I've ever experienced. I am in no way religious, mainly due to never having witnessed spiritual occurrences myself.

I have a feeling that due to my larger-than-normal dose I came very close to OD'ing myself. I saw my friend and was able to share my feelings and say my goodbyes to her. She told me that she would understand if I couldn't bear going to the funeral, however she would like to see me there. She also said that it wasn't my time yet and that I still had much to accomplish.

What are your experiences with the death of close friends and the spiritual side of drugs?

 

[opium]

havent lost a close friend, but ive lost people close to me. everytime it lead to drug use, and id try the hide the feelings of grief and sorrow instead of mourning.

I've never had a spiritual experience with drugs, but ive been in the hopsital from OD's several times, and woken up to doctors saying...were not sure how he made it.

i leave that to a higher power than myself, because i see myself as a strong person, but not strong enough to scurt death that many times. so i do believe their is something, im just not sure what.

 

[SineWaveSoldier]

I've lost several close friends.
At a festival one year I had taken a large dose of lsd and molly, and a friend took a picture of me dancing. Standing next to me was a figure. The girl who took it was kinda freaked out cause there was noone within 50 ft of me. I shrugged it off and said matter of factly, its probably one of my friends who passed hanging out.
I get seriously spiritual on hallucinogens and am just really full of soul amd spirit... We all shine on i know it for a fact. I have very liberal spiritual and religious views. I'd like to think of myself as close to a gnostic christian.
But I can't condone suicide. It hurts and I believe its a sin. I've been suicidal many times and truth be told I don't discount it as being possibly my cause of death. I know the pain of mental illness I don't for one second blame anyone who makes that decision.

 

[Foreigner]

I've had encounters with ghosts my whole life. It's rare, but it happens. Since I seem to have been open to these kinds of things from day one, I would say I've always been a spiritual person. Psychedelics just enhanced it and brought it to new levels of learning that showed me how to use it better.

I've also lost people along the way. You never get used to it.

 

[SineWaveSoldier]

I've had encounters with ghosts my whole life. It's rare, but it happens. Since I seem to have been open to these kinds of things from day one, I would say I've always been a spiritual person. Psychedelics just enhanced it and brought it to new levels of learning that showed me how to use it better.

I've also lost people along the way. You never get used to it.

I'm very open to it too. I sense departed souls from time to time. With certainty.
I changed my username foreigner we were talking in one thread about seeing auras. I know we all have souls because I see their energy.

 

[badfish45]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss op. Fortunately I dont have any experience with the death of close friends but I can tell you that psychedelics do open new doors of understanding if used correctly. I suggest you stay away from them now. I don't condone suicide. Maybe you should try going to the funeral. I can understand the difficulty in it but maybe it'd be a better alternative for closure than drug use?

Message me if you feel like you need to, I know this must be very difficult.

 

[Black Rabbit of Inle]

I have decided that I am going to go to the funeral and face my past, out of respect for my friend and her family. I would regret it forever if I didn't.

I know that any drug use now would probably be damaging in some way and I will be taking a sober break for a while. Psychadelics have never been spiritual for me, no matter how open to the idea I have been. This weekend was the first time I've gotten to see that side of them.

 

[herbavore]

You may be surprised that being with all your friends and collectively mourning the death, and celebrating the life, of your friend will be a deeply important experience as well as painful. Remember also that the most important thing that you can do as a friend is to let her family know how much she meant to you. After my son died, at his memorial, I was surrounded by my friends as well as his. My friends wanted to comfort me as a mother but his friends wanted to talk about him and that is really what I needed. I am so grateful to them that they came because I know it was very painful for them. Many of them were dealing with their own guilt as well as having to deal with death at a young age. It has been almost a year and a half now and just last night I met with one of his closest friends and it was both incredibly sad and incredibly moving and comforting all at once.

I am so sorry for your friend, her husband, her son and her family and friends. She may have been experiencing post partum depression on top of everything else if her son was only 5 months old. Life can be so damned difficult and overwhelming. I'm sure that her husband must feel the weight of having to be a single father on top of everything else he will have to go through. My heart just aches for him.

I am really glad that you decided to go and I hope that being with your friends is helpful to you. Having the experience you did was an amazing gift. Use the strength and wisdom you got from it to help your friends as much as you can. Much love to you.