Suggestions anyone?

I pretty much document my life (to an extent) here on Blogs so I thought I would pose my question here since ya kinda get a feel for a person's personality and such. I kinda think people know me here in this tiny little corner of BL.

Tomorrow I will be 5 days clean and I need purpose. Yes, my primary purpose should be to stay clean but I need more.

I haven't been passionate about anything since a few years ago when I was a Technical Trainer for a large ISP. Now, nothing seems to intrique me at all.

I have problems with motivation for the simplest things and recently (within the last few months) have been experiencing anxiety. (I believe that the anxiety is triggered by confrontation and fear of being misunderstood)

Anyway, I'm the kind of person who needs to have a purpose, a cause. Something to fight for and believe in. Essentially, I need a passion otherwise... well, what's the point in anything then?

So, any suggestions as to what might intrique me and grab my interest?

I'm not working so money is an issue.

Any help would be appreciated in this area and any input would be cool to hear.

Thanks!

 

When I have been in similar situations- and like, recently, I've been coming out of a funk.......I've been trying to learn as much as I can about being healthy, reading about spirituality and food and exercise. I've been doing light stretches and trying to eat better.
What about focusing on healing your mind, body and soul ?
Reading on spiritual enlightenment or ways to overcome problems- like self help type books.........
Reading books from the library is free and so is reading online.

Or.....I would understand if it would be too soon, but what about a pet? Even a fish??

Hope whatever you decide that things look up soon

 

I agree with ocean. Read up on Buddhism or something that interests you. Just focus on somethign that keeps you mentally engaged. I think it's important now and will help you in your 1st few months of being clean to focus on something.

Making a list of your hobbies might help. Or, another example, get into chess. Find a cafe near you where people sit around and play it all day.
Also, what kind of technical background do you have with that ISP? Do you like doing anything with computers (usenet, hacking, programming, gaming, or somethign) as a hobby?
Or, how about travelling and get away from your connections. Go camping or backpacking for a few weeks while have the free time now that you dont have work obligations and while it's still warm.

Whatever you decide, spend time with the living. Have fun. Meet some girls. Just don't shut yourself up in your room getting high.

 

is there any cause you would like to volunteer for? it might give you something to do to feel useful until you decide to start working again. and most volunteer organizations always need help.

 

hmmmm... see how that works? I have hundreds of books in storage but the only books in my house are spiritual in nature (they've been sitting on my nightstand forever and I haven't touched them)
*Magical Rites From The Crystal Well by Ed Fitch
*Crystal Balls and Crystal Bowls by Ted Andrews
*Cunningham's Encyclopedia of Magical Herbs by Scott Cunningham
*Wherever You Go There You Are by Jon Kabat Zinn

Perhaps I should crack them open...

socko, I used to LOVE chess... this is a very good idea! I dig computers but its odd for me... its cool and all but I really only know what I know due to my dad being in the industry and trying to please him. It isn't something I'm really passionate about, just a possible income generator really

AC, I was actually thinking of volunteering at one of the local soup kitchens and/or a non-kill doggy shelter that is about 30 minutes away.

Perhaps since I've been thinking of these things I should just get off my lazy ass and DO IT instead of wondering and talking about doing it.

I really appreciate the suggestions. Sometimes I think I already know the answers to the questions I ask but its definitely needed to have those answers reinforced through the echo of your replies.

Whats kinda cool is a buddy of mine opened a cafe about a year ago and I spent today re-designing his menu and helping him with errands. It felt good to be creative and appreciated. I'll be involved in helping him for maybe the next 10 days (he is going to have evening hours by that time)

 

I'd echo the volunteering thing. It's a great way to meet people too. Not that NA is a bad thing, but it's good to meet a variety of folks, you know?

 

Ah man I hear you. I felt this way right b4 my relapse an after the whole "tramadal" issue began-while technically still clean off "REAL" drugs that give u dirty tests & alcohol. In my case seeing how ultram is an SNRI, am convinced THAT is what fucked me up. In your case--I néed 2 ask a few questions b4 giving the best suggestions BUT want 2 answer properly after work so i dont have to 1 thumb it from a cell phone. I read a few of your much older posts 2 nites ago an learned u did the clean AND relapse gigs at 5 yr intervals at least 2 different times - EACH. I recall hearing many times 5 yrs clean was THE MOST popular other then people with less than 30 days to "go back out." .1st suggestion stop beatn urself up-which u probably are an #2 go back 2 doing what u loved - teachn web stuff or get n biz 4 urself or teach at ITT, Devry or learn how 2 progpram thez damn things (PCs) u prolly b good at it. If that dont work c a shrink maybe clinacally depressed? Try meds as last resort or therapy - 2 b continued - hugs

 

Yeah, I was clean from '93 to '98 and went on a five year run until 2003. Stayed clean until 2008 and went to rehab 08/21/09. Stayed clean for 9 months and 25 days and here we are today.

I enjoy teaching/training and I always received good feedback from the Participants. Never had anyone sleep in a class and these were 8 hour training sessions every day for 30 days for each group.

I've been out of the loop with technology but I did enjoy 'programming' with VB6 but got lost when VB.net came around.

I actually told my doctor today that I was experiencing anxiety but will NOT take any mind or mood altering drugs because I will most definitely abuse them.

Thanks TJ! I'm an open book here (mostly) so ask any questions you want!