I always have to learn things the hard way. Hopefully if nothing else, this helps you make it through your symptoms.
The second time I did MDMA I took 8 extremely strong pills over the course of about 13 hours, which were almost certainly laced with some kind of meth like substance. Nothing can make up for my idiotic actions, but I will say that I was a dumb 19 year old kid, and me and another friend had pills for some other people that never showed up (BAD IDEA).
I wish I could at least say it was the best night I ever had, but I'm starting to realize I would rather be happy and sober than fucked up for a night with a free ticket to hell the next day. I had never, and I mean NEVER experienced what followed.
At about 9 AM, we took our last pill. I already felt like I had an alien trying to break through my rib cage, and the pills were not having any effect anymore (my serotonin was literally depleted) so I decided to make myself vomit. This was the first and only wise thing I did that entire night. After I got home, I attempted sleep. Each time I dozed off I would get a shock in my chest that you might feel if you accidentally touched metal while plugging it in to an electrical socket. That same day after failing to sleep, I drove to my parents house with the most extreme derealization you could ever imagine. It was like a dream, a soulless, empty, emotionally drained dream. I am lucky I made it there. Immediately, my sister informed my dad that something was not right with me. (I had never really taken drugs before that period of time, so I must have looked and acted pretty terrible for her to notice).
From there I began my slow ascent from hell. Each passing day I wondered the same question i'm sure you are asking yourself, would it go away? I had recently broken up with my first real girlfriend and first love, and I obsessed over this, and time seemed to be standing steel. There were no feelings though, I tried to cry but couldn't. I was emotionally drained to a point where I couldn't even feel worried, when I definitely should have been. I recall a drive I took to try and get over my symptoms, it was summer and must have been a beautiful day, but everything was so depressing and ugly, I contemplated suicide quite a bit.
I realized that unless I intervened, this wasn't going to improve. I admitted what happened to my parents, which was a huge burden off my mind. They were generally accepting and it really helped to have someone to talk to. I then went to the health food store and stocked up on 5HTP. This was when I started to see the light. I not only was able to sleep, but I was starting to feel again.
Once I felt like I had recovered, I did do the drug a few more times. This was in my case, a huge mistake. The truth is, you WILL feel better. Your mind WILL recover, and you are already seeking ways to feel better. As for me, I have not taken MDMA for about 2 years (except one time that I got so desperate for the feeling that I took half a pill). I do not plan on taking this drug again. If you have guidance, and are somewhat intelligent with it, i'm sure that there are ways to safely take it.
Since my binge, I have an extreme anxiety that I have let build up and get out of hand. I can't go in large crowds anymore without panicking. I have had several Panic attacks that have put me in the ER. I have always been a bit socially anxious, but not like this. An underlying anger problem has been exposed that I cant seem to fight, as well as severe mood swings. I don't feel the MDMA created any of this, just intensified what was already there. You have not done enough for it to alter the way you think, but please, learn from my mistake.
I'd like to say that about two months ago I started on a prescription of Xanax for the anxiety, and deciding that I wanted to stop drug use permanently, I quit after taking 30 .5 MG pills. Its about a month and a half since my last dose, and right now I am scared for my life. I'm not sure if that is enough to even cause withdrawal, or if starting to feel withdrawal symptoms almost 2 months later is even likely, but I can tell you right now I literally feel like I want to die because im so scared I will never feel normal again. Benzos are the only thing that apparently can top the hangover I felt from MDMA.
Once again, pick up some 5htp. Go socialize with some friends to get over the anxiety. What you are feeling is normal, and you will feel 200% better each day ( I promise ). I just felt that if I could help one person stay on a safe path maybe some good karma would be sent my way, as like I said, I am terrified for my current relationship, my job and my life right now.
Stay safe.
