Such a long time . . .

It's been so long since I've been here on Bluelight. About six months.

I relapsed about a month ago.

I guess I wasn't ready to get clean. I had almost five months this time.

I'm not using as much as was, but I'm definitely using again. Sad to say that I feel "at home" with this habit. I tried.

Maybe someday I'll get clean, but that day is not today.

A girl got fired from my job today . . . she's a heroin addict, was asking people for money, got caught shooting up at work. Taking ten smoke breaks in a four hour shift is kinda obvious . . . I hate to judge another drug addict but at least I don't bring mine to work.

Another coworker almost got killed when with her, too. She went to cop and this other coworker was drunk (he's 17) and walked right into the house and asked to use the bathroom and the dealer whipped a gun out and told him to get the fuck out . . .

He doesn't need to be hanging around with girls like us.

 

iceicebaby's back!

I remember you from a few months ago.

Sometimes we slip. It isn't the end of the world and it sounds like you aren't being hard on yourself. We can really fuck ourselves up like that sometimes. We get into our heads some sort of false idea about what happened, why it happened blah blah blah.

You have a good head on your shoulders and you have a conscience.

5 months is a long time. I have faith you can put that time back together when you decide to.

Oh! How's your daughter?

 

If a heroin addict was using on the job they don't use the bathroom twice in 8 hours but even that would be a lot. Whatever the person used, if anything, it wasn't an opiate/opioid. As for the co-worker "almost getting killed," the "addict" didn't cause that. As you say, the person was drunk and walked unannounced into someone's home in search of a loo. I would have drawn down on that person as well. At the very least he deserved a broken jaw.

Finally, don't be too hard on yourself about your relapse. Addiction never disappears and like any undesirable habit or compulsive behavior it requires contant attention and effort to hold it at bay. If your screen name relates to your substance of choice you are a methamphetamine addict. If so, that is one of the most difficult addictions in the world to overcome. Although there is no physical dependancy per se the brain physiology in an amphetamine user changes so rapidly and when one finally is able to stop their physiology remains irreparably altered. There are no magic bullets as there is with opiate/opioid addiction BUT there ARE some promising medications in the pipeline and 1 or 2 offlabel as well.