Mad Dash
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Sep 27, 2005
- Messages
- 1,309
As most of you know I am on Subutex and zanaflex for PM. I dose in the AM and the PM. As time has gone on my ability to deal with the pain has become less and less manageable. With out medication I am at a 7-8/10 at pretty much all times. With the Subutex and zanaflex I am at a 5-6/10 most of the time. For a while I just figured I would deal with it. Just man up. But it is just not working anymore. I feel so completely sober (no pain relief) on them it really feels like I am taking nothing.
And the part that scares me the most is that lately I have been going to meetings a lot more often, calling people on my sober network far more often, having more panic attacks, and all around depression is getting worse. It has been in the back of my head had me thinking about how easy it would be to say fuck it and relapse on some oxy just so I could get some effective pain relief. I don't do it because I know that is just the pain talking and if I went back on oxy I would be in trouble very quickly. The pain is taking the small amount of joy in my life almost completely away.
I had seen that for this reason people often will switch to Methadone b/c it is not a partial agonist yet it still is a great tool for people who are in active recovery but are CPPs as well. I was wondering if I talk to my doctor about this do you think he will think I am just seeking? I can't imagine that would be the case as he is a PM doctor and he would know that if I was trying to make the switch to abuse I would just stop seeing him and go to a methadone clinic. Since I am out of pocket it would actually save me money by doing that but I would rather do it through PM so I don't have to do the daily grind of going to the clinic and I really have a great relationship with my PM doctor.
What are everyone's thoughts on this. Most of you know my story, know how I feel about a lot of things, and know my stance on recovery. All advice is appreciated
Please scroll down to post #26 for updated info
And the part that scares me the most is that lately I have been going to meetings a lot more often, calling people on my sober network far more often, having more panic attacks, and all around depression is getting worse. It has been in the back of my head had me thinking about how easy it would be to say fuck it and relapse on some oxy just so I could get some effective pain relief. I don't do it because I know that is just the pain talking and if I went back on oxy I would be in trouble very quickly. The pain is taking the small amount of joy in my life almost completely away.
I had seen that for this reason people often will switch to Methadone b/c it is not a partial agonist yet it still is a great tool for people who are in active recovery but are CPPs as well. I was wondering if I talk to my doctor about this do you think he will think I am just seeking? I can't imagine that would be the case as he is a PM doctor and he would know that if I was trying to make the switch to abuse I would just stop seeing him and go to a methadone clinic. Since I am out of pocket it would actually save me money by doing that but I would rather do it through PM so I don't have to do the daily grind of going to the clinic and I really have a great relationship with my PM doctor.
What are everyone's thoughts on this. Most of you know my story, know how I feel about a lot of things, and know my stance on recovery. All advice is appreciated
Please scroll down to post #26 for updated info
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