Substance Abuse

[jdjack27]

I've had substance abuse problem since I'd say for about a few years.
- Alcohol - Not so much anymore because I'm taking an SSRI, but I abused it heavily on weekends in high school. But I always had to get drunk as possible. Knew my limits, but a buzz never did it for me.

- Weed - Started smoking last summer with friends. Became an everyday thing and I started smoking by myself a lot. Later started using to take my mind off depression. Now I'm at the point where I get spotted up to 150$ by my friend/dealer and smoke gram blunts to myself almost every night. Even sold my Xbox to buy a Q of weed once.

- DPH - Would take 250+ range often. I can't say they were always enjoyable but I liked it better than being sober.

- Vikes/Percs - Had my first vikes after I had surgery the other year. I wasn't really in pain though so when my mom would give me 1 every few hours I'd save them up and take a few at a time for a high. After that I'd say a year later my friend came across an old prescription of Percs and he sold me some I'd say 4/5 different times. After that have abused Vikes once in a while.

- DXM - have used this substance way too much. Were points where I used it days in a row. And I've taken up to 900mg at once.

- Cigarettes - Started smoking last summer just bumming of friends. Now lately I've been buying my own packs. Just had my last one for a while though I'm not taking my chances anymore, my mom is still addicted and my dad went through hell to quit.

- Shrooms - only used last year. Were points where I had multiple days in a row and would eat some before work for a buzz.

Xanax - used maybe 6/7 times. 2mg never enough, always had to look to get higher.

What is wrong with me? Everyday I try to smoke weed because if a day goes by that I have no substances I kinda freak out. And I love combining substances. I can't say I'm addicted to any individual substance except weed (psychologically). If I couldn't get weed, I'd buy or steal some DXM or worst case use DPH. Is there such a thing as being addicted to substances in general? Should I just try and stop cold turkey?

 

[theotherside]

I am in the exact same boat...some of us are just prone to feeling euphoria that is not produced from normal activities. Not a day goes by when I wake up and say....I'm not using anything today. I have tried excercise, diet, yoga, etc...but my demons just keep calling.

 

[laCster]

i think you are still are the'experimental' stage, which everyone goes through. however, if you dont like the way you are living at the moment, no one or nothing will help you change who you are more than wanting change for yourself. in addition, you have to work to make the change, and the energy you put into making the change will determine the degree of change. for example, if a person wants to lose weight then that individual will have to work at the gym for 6-12 months to see any result and the less time he/she puts into working out and getting in shape the less drastic the results will be.

do you exercise daily? do you have a healthy diet? do you take vitamins (mainly b-complex)?
all three ccan have a huge impact on depression and anxiety, and they work pretty well for me.

your substance abuse isnt that bad man. just stay away from benzos/opiates because that is when the problem really starts to emerge.

 

[jdjack27]

i think you are still are the'experimental' stage, which everyone goes through. however, if you dont like the way you are living at the moment, no one or nothing will help you change who you are more than wanting change for yourself. in addition, you have to work to make the change, and the energy you put into making the change will determine the degree of change. for example, if a person wants to lose weight then that individual will have to work at the gym for 6-12 months to see any result and the less time he/she puts into working out and getting in shape the less drastic the results will be.

do you exercise daily? do you have a healthy diet? do you take vitamins (mainly b-complex)?
all three ccan have a huge impact on depression and anxiety, and they work pretty well for me.

your substance abuse isnt that bad man. just stay away from benzos/opiates because that is when the problem really starts to emerge.

- Don't really exercise daily but I'm joining a gym. My diet is pretty healthy but I can cut out a few things. And yes I take plenty of vitamins daily. It's just in my head. I get anxious if I know I won't have any substances later and I kinda lose focus on life until I know that I have something for later.

 

[jdjack27]

I am in the exact same boat...some of us are just prone to feeling euphoria that is not produced from normal activities. Not a day goes by when I wake up and say....I'm not using anything today. I have tried excercise, diet, yoga, etc...but my demons just keep calling.

Same here. But I always give in. I think it's time I just make a real effort to stop everything for a day and just suck it up.

 

[bryan21]

I know exactly what u mean. Not too long ago, about a month ago Id say I was pretty much the same as you, experimenting alot with different things, but really all I wanted was to be high all the time. I just had to have anything or else Id get really anxious and sort of freak out. It came to the point where Id IM ketamine at home with my whole family there, just hoping no one would come to my room and catch me in a k hole. Never got caught, but it was a stupid risk nonetheless.

I really dont think theres anything wrong with you. Everyone on BL does their share of drugs and plenty of them use much more frequently than either of us. If you feel that you have to quit because your substance use is somehow effecting the quality of your life then you should, otherwise just keep it in check.

Ive learned to live happily sober day to day and pick only the novel situations like parties (which I rarely go to) to use drugs in. I think setting a limit like this is a good way to keep your habit in check.

I find the best way to get sober is to have a reason to be sober. Negative reinforcement such as not doing drugs because you know theyre bad for you or because youre worried about addiction is far less effective than the positive reinforcement of having goals in your life which give you a reason to sober up. For example I have my music, which my drug habits were seriously effecting.

 

[suessmayr]

You are at the crucial stage. This is the stage so many of us pass through on our way to drug addiction. I was playing with various things (DXM, ecstasy, benzos, opiates, weed, K, coke, speed...) before I settled into a benzo and then an opiate addiction. I stayed that way for 3 years and am now 6 days clean.

The best advice I can give you is this: yes, 'suck it up', do the work now and save yourself pain later. You've identified the propensity. You have an unimaginably valuable opportunity to do something about it. Break the cycle before it becomes a habit.

S

 

[footscrazy]

Things can definitely get worse, unfortunately too often it takes things getting worse to make a real change. It's hard to turn your life around when your drug use isn't that bad, when it's not really affecting your life in a negative way. Unfortunately by the time the negatives are enough to make you want to quit, quitting is a whole lot harder. It's hard to quit on a what if though, because not everyone who's at your stage will progress into full blown addiction, but do remember every addict has been where you are.

 

[Legerity]

Yes some people are not dependent on one drug in particular but still feel the need to get high on something.

You say you freak out when you don't have something to get high on. Whether it be anxiety, depression, loneliness, etc; that is what most likely needs to be addressed if you want to feel at ease without drugs in your system.

If you're willing to stop at this point or reduce your consumption, it can potentially save you some difficult experiences in the future. It's hard to imagine turmoil that can occur if you have not experienced it. I know I never listened to anything anybody told me because it "didn't apply to me". But you seem to already have an awareness that makes you question your current lifestyle.

So nobody can predict with certainty how your drug use will progress if you continue. But based on your information it does strike me as a good time to evaluate and decide what direction you want to head in.

 

[jdjack27]

I know exactly what u mean. Not too long ago, about a month ago Id say I was pretty much the same as you, experimenting alot with different things, but really all I wanted was to be high all the time. I just had to have anything or else Id get really anxious and sort of freak out. It came to the point where Id IM ketamine at home with my whole family there, just hoping no one would come to my room and catch me in a k hole. Never got caught, but it was a stupid risk nonetheless. ----much like me with DXM trips in my room (3rd/4th plataeu)


I find the best way to get sober is to have a reason to be sober. Negative reinforcement such as not doing drugs because you know theyre bad for you or because youre worried about addiction is far less effective than the positive reinforcement of having goals in your life which give you a reason to sober up. For example I have my music, which my drug habits were seriously effecting.

--- well for me it is getting in the way with my plan to workout this summer and go all out with it. It's getting in the way of a social life and it's getting in the way of a sex life/relationships. So I will take your advice and use those as goals.

 

[jdjack27]

Yes some people are not dependent on one drug in particular but still feel the need to get high on something.

You say you freak out when you don't have something to get high on. Whether it be anxiety, depression, loneliness, etc; that is what most likely needs to be addressed if you want to feel at ease without drugs in your system.

If you're willing to stop at this point or reduce your consumption, it can potentially save you some difficult experiences in the future. It's hard to imagine turmoil that can occur if you have not experienced it. I know I never listened to anything anybody told me because it "didn't apply to me". But you seem to already have an awareness that makes you question your current lifestyle.

So nobody can predict with certainty how your drug use will progress if you continue. But based on your information it does strike me as a good time to evaluate and decide what direction you want to head in.

Ya I'd say I need to do a lot of evaluating these next few days. My goal is to be able to live a happy life while sober but still being able to responsibly use drugs (acid,shrooms,weed,etc.) to explore. I don't wanna be where I'm at now where all I care about is my level of fucked-up-ness(not a word I know)

 

[Wolfmans_BrothEr]

I think your addicted to altering your state of mind. When I was young as long as I smoked once that day I was content, whether I was high going to sleep or not jus knowing I had used that day was sufficient

I think you should be careful since it sounds like you have an addictive personality and that can lead to some pretty severe drug addiction

 

[Bojangles69]

Yeh agree with most of whats been said already.

I can wake up and not use no problem. Can even go through most my day w/out using and no problem. But something about when nighttime rolls around man those demons really come out to play at night. And I always get bad cravings to smoke pot when its dark out. It just fits that time of day so perfectly imo. Serene and peaceful, pot is serene and peaceful too. Problem is I wind up pigging out on fattening foods, smoking cigs, and not doing anything really productive at all.

Then following day I wake up in opiate wds and take my sub. Go through my day and at night get that craving for pot, smoke, go back to bed. The cycle continues on and on and on till one day I decide to put my foot down and say efff this shit.

 

[Wolfmans_BrothEr]

I can wake up and not use no problem. Can even go through most my day w/out using and no problem. But something about when nighttime rolls around man those demons really come out to play at night. And I always get bad cravings to smoke pot when its dark out. It just fits that time of day so perfectly imo. Serene and peaceful, pot is serene and peaceful too. Problem is I wind up pigging out on fattening foods, smoking cigs, and not doing anything really productive at all.

Did you know that our body's natural wants a needs change depending on what time of the day it is...I think that could explain a lot in reference to your post

 

[alexvont12]

Dude I can relate to everything you've said and almost everything everyone in this thread has said. Unfortunately, I'm all out of weed and it's summer break and for the past few days I've had horrible anxiety and depression. I've been taking Benadryl just to get to sleep at night and it's killing me not being able to escape into a happy place. I'm freaking out right now, and planning to spend money I've been saving up on drugs. I think my life sucks and the drugs/weed were the only thing getting me by, cause I feel lost and hopeless right now...

 

[suessmayr]

Things can definitely get worse, unfortunately too often it takes things getting worse to make a real change. It's hard to turn your life around when your drug use isn't that bad, when it's not really affecting your life in a negative way. Unfortunately by the time the negatives are enough to make you want to quit, quitting is a whole lot harder. It's hard to quit on a what if though, because not everyone who's at your stage will progress into full blown addiction, but do remember every addict has been where you are.

I think this is a very valuable post. Drug addiction - particularly with severely addictive things like opiates - is one of the most intriguing and paradoxical things on the planet. I put myself back 3 years and imagine reading posts like these, and my response is "yeah fuck that, I'm different, I'm special. I have too much to lose, unlike ordinary junkies, I won't fuck up." Ha.

The last sentence of the above quote is also very accurate: the behaviours you've described do not necessarily lead to addiction; but addiction is necessarily preceded by the behaviours you've described, in some form at least.

You need to try and get your head around the fact that you almost certainly will fuck up with drugs, even though you haven't fucked up yet. Also, don't tell yourself that because you've read these posts you now have new insight and things will be different. They won't.

Things are probably less likely to fail with weed/hallucinogens than they are with opiates/benzos, if only because of the intense nature of the latter's addiction.

S