This is an old thread, and I haven't been on in a while (suprised my account still existed). I went clean for a year and relapsed. I went back to sub quite quickly (was making 17 dollars an hour on production work) after blowing an $800 (*after* taxes, a 25% tax rate) check in 6 days on hydrocodone alone. Stayed on sub for another 14 months, and my work decided to threaten to break out the randoms (drug culture was horrible there). Just dropped about 10k on a 6 day medical detox. I would cold shake a sliver of a strip and fire it, or I'd dissolve the strip in water. I do have some sub pills that have hit the market, but I can't really mention where I got them (very private forum, set up by a select few people). The DR's thought I'd be ok at 5 days taking the naltrexone pill (always refused the shots because of abscesses and other side effects). Today I took my first dose of Naltrexone (50mg), and I can tell you it was terrifying. I was sent out of a spin dry detox feeling like I'd just woke up after being on Heroin for about 500 years. I'm not craving opiates, you can look up my past posts, and you will find all you need to know about every opiate out there. I've been on sub for years at a time, I've fought this for 10 years, and fucked up and went pro. Me and another guy were the only ones just ignoring how bad we felt in there because we were the only two who had detoxed enough that we just expected to be able to shit into the gulf of mexico through a window screen from here in TN, and I knew full well what I we were in for in the first place. We carried that whole damn rehab because of our simple experience with it. Suboxone is the DEVIL to come off of. Last time took me 4 months to feel better. I've taken benzos regularly for 10 years, so I had to CRASH off of them in there as well. They dosed me this morning, and it was hellish. I was about to get out of there and jammed my head into the nurses station saying "I can't leave like this, I'm in BAD shape". Well, I was back on the streets about 1 hour later, and had to come home, hit my benzo stash HARD (I keep thousands put back, more than two or three pharmacies combined, I'm THAT scared of benzo w/d, look it up, take em for 10 years like I did, and you are stuck for life buddy, and that's NOT "abusing" them, 4mg of xanax per day). I was so freaked knowing I had WALKED OUT of rehab, my father gave me a xanax knowing I went in there to try to kick em, along with the sub. I've precipitated w/d with bupe before, and it wasn't *that* bad (again, I've gone pro at the shit), 2 hours of bad hell beat a week of hell in my eyes. Naltrexone is a different story.... Immodium won't stop me from shitting, I'm cramping like all fucking hell, and glad I'm not in that fucking hell hole where they may or may not think I'm gonna learn something from my 50th opiate w/d. THAT SAID, Naltrexone is superior to bupe. You can take it for a few months, and you won't get the "pep" you get from sub, but it will block cravings (I think, I don't give a flying fuck about sub or anything else, I'm sick of that life, have been since *2007*, could be the naltrexone, could be the fact that I know what I face, and my skin is MUCH thicker than that at this point). I know the naltrexonone will block any opiate but possibly bupe (although since it precipitated w/d that bad, I'm not sure), but keep in mind, I was on a LOW dose of sub to begin with because I KNOW fucking well what a beast it is to come off of.... The point is, 6 days wasn't enough, I'll let you know if 7 is enough tomorrow, I want to knock all the bupe I can out of my body, and if it's not on my receptors, my liver can process it faster, I don't care if I have to precipitate w/d 10 times, I'll do it. You will feel fairly ok for every bit of a week before the sub really starts to kick your ass face first into the ground, before that, it feels like a very mild w/d. Hell, I was constipated for 4 days and couldn't piss, (water retention, both are the BEGINNING of w/d) after that comes the cramps, then the shits, then it's up hill from there. Since I've had the shits and cramps for 2 days, I think I'll be ok to dose the naltroxolone tomorrow, but it will be hell if my liver didn't clear the rest out today (took about 50mg of valium and 3 xanax to get things calmed down, I was scared shitful). I was thinking about rolling out of my bed at the facility just to give me something else to focus on, but they'd have held me (and the other option is moccisan bend here, a state facility you DO NOT want to go to, they give thorazine like it's candy, and all the real crazies like slingblade are there). It's a facility that's killed hundreds of people, I'd rather go to jail (yea man up and try that shit on for size). Thankfully I got out in time to hit my benzo stash, crashing off benzos is life threatening. Doing it in the middle of precipitated w/d is not an option.
I'm a southern boy, born and raised in the bible/opiate belt. I was always told life isn't fair, I was forced to be strong at a young age. Where I'm from, if I got in a fight at school growing up and DID NOT beat the shit out of whoever, I could expect to get my ass beat when I got home. That might sound cruel, or abusive to you, but think about it, when in life do you have to fight something and not get your ass beat if you don't win? That's living LIFE on LIFE'S terms. The prophet Jagger once said "you can't always get what you want", and ya don't... in fact, you won't even get what you NEED most of the time... try you may.
My reccomendations... FIND A HIGHER POWER. I know that sounds damn near absurd from someone who is "rebuked" down here in the bible belt because I hate most versions of the bible (every version I own has revelations ripped out of it, not relevant), the bible I read was translated DIRECTLY from the dead sea scrolls, which means it's far more accurate (still has revelations ripped out). Work in NA, Work the 12 steps, even if you are slipping. Find out the ROOT CAUSE of your addiction. Hard headedness won't win this battle, TRUST ME. I'm the hardest headed mother fucker on the planet, I cuss like a sailor as this post clearly shows. THAT doesn't matter. When times get dark, you GOTTA have something to turn too. Times WILL be dark, that's LIFE ON LIFES terms, we aren't in the middle of a big accident, and there are reasons people become addicted. It's not "just because", there is ALWAYS an underlying cause that you need to work extremely hard to overcome, that, or you are bound to fail once again. Even if you fall once again, GET THE FUCK BACK UP. Get clean, find out WHY you fall, LEARN, and do it again with the new knowledge you have. EVERY TIME I've fallen back into that hole, I've learned something about myself good or bad it's helpful. Shame is a part of this process, REMORSE is a part of this process, LOOK FORWARD, you can't change the past, just repair the damage as best you can in the FUTURE. I'll keep an update on this as this is my first time on NT, and precipitated w/d sucks, wouldn't wish it on someone while I'm beating their ass. I will continue to deal with it until the NT takes over, I KNOW it will happen, and it's a suck fest until it does. Time for the toilet again, I shall return on this one. Please, Learn from my mistakes, don't do what Johnny don't does. If you are here, you probably already have, be prepared to go through hell, but FACE hell, FACE your worst FEAR. If my grandfather could storm the beaches of Normandy, I can overcome opiate addiction. We all have a multi-demtional problem, It's not as easy to fix as most of you think. Odds are most of the people in this thread who "quit" opiates have relapsed. That doesn't mean the fight is over until you breathe your last, but if you keep on the road you're on, that will be sooner than YOU or anyone who loves you wants.
