It wasn't anythi(ng major just was in one hell of a stinking mood. If anyone annoyed me today they got. This has been happening since Thursday n I had forgotten to take the extra 4 mg in the evening. I realised when I checked my tabs n obviously there was extra. Today I just did not want to do anything - I was obsessive, angry, felt felt, stayed in my dressing gown - exactly how I acted when I was on 8 mg (of course I didn't realize at the time I had not taken the extra 4 mg) which is how I know this isn't a placebo thing. I'm scared sh****less of coming off suboxone - not because of the physical but because of the physiological. I got addicted to codeine to stop the anger, feeling left out n lonely as well as a load of other negative feelings of me I am trying to change. What is I give up suboxone n stay angry, depressed n lonely I'd rather die than go through that again. I don't know how to come off suboxone. Even in counselling I say whatever to please the counsellor just to get out of there. Why can't I just stay on suboxone. It's all too hard... and I feel like no one cares at all, they all think I'm just after attention I'm not I want some understanding but because I was only addicted to codeine I won't get that
Evel, I don't mean any disrespect, but you should not even be anywhere near the dose you are using at the moment. I am in no way downplaying your addiction, but codeine is NOTHING compared to bupe. You really gotta start putting the idea in your head that it may just be your mind fucking with you, that maybe, just maybe, you're over-compensating and your severe fear of being off opiates is taking a toll on your psyche. You need to start taking control, it's all mind over matter. 4mg of bupe would, scratch that, SHOULD be more than enough for your habit. Remember the conversions we discussed a while back? Buprenorphine is so much stronger than codeine... I mean, you can't even compare them. Once you understand that, you'll be in a much better situation. So to recap:
1. You're taking significantly more bupe than you really need (recall our equianalgesic conversions from codeine --> bupe)
1a. Even though you may think you need more, you really don't, and don't use your doctor approving you as a backup argument. Bupe doctors over prescribe all the time. It's a money thing.
2. Start understanding that you can beat this, that you are over compensating, and that it's all in your head. Which means you can control it.
Now to wrap up, have you ever considered that you may need benzos to help with your treatment. I understand that opiates help with anxiety etc, but that's not their intended use. You should consider dropping your dose of bupe, and picking up benzos as a part of your treatment as it seems you have some anxiety/confidence/anger issues. Talk to a psychologist, (s)he will be able to help diagnose you.
I truly wish you the best of luck,
-PKP