sub/dom, s/m, slave/Master, woman's desire & questions re: subculture

[sleepy]

so, i've always, since reading an Anne Rampling book (Anne Rice writing under pen-name for soft erotica, not to be confused w/her harder erotica written un name of.. Anna Roque..(sp!) about a s/m type island, and one woman's journey.... so i've been into it for a while, may have started even earlier, as a child, worshipping my older, somewhat indifferent brother, and always wanting to please him, his approval, or just lie at his feet while he read, wrote, whatever, then later in college, i was very interested in my Gothic lit class, why women, historically, were primary market for stories of rape and domination. used to talk w/professor about the part of brain, the "flight/fight/fuck" part, all the same.. men going into battle w/hard-ons, etc....

so i've recently met a man well schooled in this subculture. i had no idea it got so precise. i love it, though more so before getting to know him better, knowing of his weaknesses has killed it a bit for me, as that's my problem, always feeling like the strong one, the smartest one, all false modesty aside, and resenting it an most situations... so i relished the opportunity to be student, and servant, and learn from a knowledgable Master, and be teased or punished, etc. not into humiliation, and even the subservience, in a sample "slave" writing he sent me turned me off, as suspect it was written by a man, for men. she was choking on his masses of cum and didn't even cum herself. ick. it actually triggered a gross, graphic nightmare. he apologized for not having read it entirely first, before sending it..

so what gives? what's going on here, psychologically, etc? and i saw a healer who could tell everything going on in my body, and where, and what she said made sense, and made my draw to this sexual experience understandable, as my masculine side was overworked...

what's your experience? thoughts? feedback? men and women.. though if you could make your gender clear in your responses, i'd be grateful.

g

 

[sleepy]

wtf?! seven views and no replies? too heady or specific? i know you all have SOMETHING to say about it......

 

[morpher001]

wtf?! seven views and no replies? too heady or specific? i know you all have SOMETHING to say about it......

Right away your majesty.

What do you think the healer getting at when she said your masculine side was overworked?

 

[Pander Bear]

he apologized for not having read it entirely first, before sending it..

lol, bullshit. He sent it to you because it gets him off, and now he's backpedaled because he doesn't want to offend you. Erotica written by and for men is going to be pretty unappealing to most women, don't you suppose?

 

[morpher001]

so i relished the opportunity to be student, and servant, and learn from a knowledgable Master, and be teased or punished, etc. not into humiliation, and even the subservience, in a sample "slave" writing he sent me turned me off, as suspect it was written by a man, for men. she was choking on his masses of cum and didn't even cum herself. ick. it actually triggered a gross, graphic nightmare. he apologized for not having read it entirely first, before sending i

Day one, first lesson:

Om nom nom

so what gives?

You handed in your homework and it said:

whinge whinge whinge

 

[sleepy]

lol! sorry - didn't mean to get bossy! Morpher - the healer was remarking at my hip issues, arthritis resultant from trauma from a sports injury; i've already had my right one replaced, and it's already degenerating, which is normal, but that day i saw her it was REALLY hurting. she said we hold our emotions in our hips and that the right side is our male energy. and in my life, for various reasons, i have to be "dominant" a lot of the time. . .she asked if this was the case and i said yes, and in my mind, it explained my draw to sexual submissiveness, gave it some sense.. if she's saying, that over-drawing on that masculine energy is causing the pain, or at least the flair-up, etc... and that my body is striving for equilibrium, then seeking a situation in which i can be totally submissive, could equal that out....

Panda Bear: you're probably right. the ONLY reason i'm not sure if he's completely full of shit is because it was, seemingly written by a woman, and it's in her voice, it's really not until toward the end that i'm thinking, "this is some level of fucked-up sub/dom that i don't want any part of, or it's a BS blog, supposedly written by a woman, but really by a man, for men, as i can't imagine ANY woman would get off on the idea of choking on some dude's massive volume of jiz. that's a dude's fantasy, not a woman's...

 

[Ninae]

I also love being sexually submissive...it makes me feel sooo feminine and really adore the man...but it takes some to find the right kind of guy. He needs to be stronger than you, definitely, and really masculine and dominant. And completely comfortable and unapologetic about his sexuality. It should feel like he is taking you on a ride you don't want to get off, and you don't have time to think, just feel. Until it is all over and you don't know how it happened just that it was great. A good lover is pretty hard to find, though, isn't it?

 

[lola]

I actually think he's listening to you too much. As a "switch" - and my partner is also a switch so we sub/dom each other (and I have another lover who's only dom, and a sadist, so I'm a slave to him): while it is important that he doesn't cross lines and that he's aware of your desires and turn ons, he's ultimately the one calling the shots. So if he wants you to choke on his cum and not orgasm for a day or two, you take it and you thank him. Maybe it's not what turns YOU on but it's what your master wants, and as long as it doesn't trigger any trauma or really freaks you out you do it because chances are it might turn you on more than you realise - exactly because it's not what you think you want. The whole point of erotic domination is that you're being pushed slightly further beyond the limits of what you think you're comfortable with, and the sweetness of erotic submission is being contented with being sexually controlled by someone you trust and who decides for you what is best for you. If anything, he doesn't sound bossy enough! He should learn how to put you in your place

Edit:... having said that, I also think it's important to have very clear boundaries in place, pre-agreed before you engage in any form of sub/dom play. So for me, I generally don't do watersports unless, very occasionally, when having a very intense session with my bf because we are so close, and I only have anal sex with very few people I know well. I don't do scat or very elaborate role play (dressing up etc.). These are the rules, and otherwise (with the use of a safe word) everything goes. But you might need to be clearer and more business-like about your boundaries, especially if you get involved with your local fetish scene. I also recommend you read/listen to Dan Savage for advice - google him. And... stay safe and enjoy! Also, have clear boundaries to protect your mental health to ensure this sum/dom play doesn't get outside the bedroom unless you want it to. It's kind of ironic, we need to be in charge of our submission, but once we feel safe we also need to learn to suspend disbeliefs (e.g. even if we know our lover's weaknesses) and relinquish control.

 

[sleepy]

Ninae - yes... i agree, unfortunately, i'm not sure if he's stronger, or even entirely unapologetic at the moment.....*sigh* a good lover is such a rare find!
and
Lola - thank you for the input! it's a tricky situation....i'll seriously consider everything you wrote. i DO need to be put in my place! and yes, if i do start cruising the fetish scene, i'll make sure i have pre-established boundaries. i just don't know how anyone could elicit real fear, if i trust them... not that i'd do anything w/anybody i DIDN'T trust. i guess i'm not too optimistic on that front, not that a lot of fun couldn't be had w/o fear, specifically... hm... i'll google Dan Savage next. thanks again.