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Stuck in the middle of nowhere...

I

InfectedWithDrugs

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 29, 2015
Messages
126
I'm an urban individual and lived in mostly big cities, but now unemployed stuck in the middle of nowhere in a southern state and in a town for retired people. I'm 29 and there is practically nobody my age. I generally dislike southern US and have nothing in common with anyone here. There is no night life with exceptions of a few sports bars filled with rednecks. The closest city is about 3 hrs away.

I was thinking of trying Tinder, but I am not photogenic although most women think I'm handsome, easy on the eyes, cute, hot, etc. Never had problems in RL with getting dates, but I hate my photos and I just can't smile.for the camera...

What to do in this situation, aside from seeking employment and bodybuilding?
 
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get a job. that is top of your list. stop worrying about women and start thinking 29 and no job? seriously get one. anything will do to fund you getting out of your current location

no woman of your age will be looking for a man without independence who doesn't enjoy where he lives

its a series of red flags
 
You can't date your way out of a shitty living situation at 30, at least if you are a man.

You will just be seen as someone trying to use someone at best.

Your problems extend far past where you live if you are unable to change that so take some steps towards change like go to school, get training, or get a fucking job maybe somewhere you do want to live.

You gotta handle your own business before getting into a relationship that is worth a fuck. (pun not originally intended but kinda suits the subject)
 
I seek jobs all the time, but not around here or I will be stuck here for years without anywhere to go.

My long-term unemployment was caused by major back surgeries that took years to recover from. It wasn't because I was some lazy loser. I had an awesome job out of college, but the accident forced me to quit for several years. Now no employer wants someone with long-term unemployment. It's quite possible I will never find a job. Good education and experience, skills, being fluent in 3 languages, having no criminal history and having great personality are worthless attributes when you were out of work for years. I can't even honestly tell employers about surgeries or I will seem as a health liability.

I volunteer at local Hospital's Emergency Department, but it's a joke - there is nothing to do. I'm out of ideas. I sent out over 10K applications last year and got 2 calls...
 
I recently went through a similar internal conflict after getting out of a 6 year relationship once my former g/f and i got clean. We spent every moment together, that we could before during and after our addiction. The struggles that would drive lesser people apart brought us together. One day she said "i think we would be happier not dating we are basically bother and sister lets try this as single just friends" Her idea was met by some resistance by myself as those things are never completely even but it only took a few days to know she was right.

Anyway for the longest time i was ok with the whole living with my parents never saving money because i had a girlfriend a job and was doing way better then when i was a junkie... suddenly now i have to consider my outward appearance because i desire to get laid. I have plenty of admirable qualities hell some so unique to myself i can say ive never met someone like me. And my former g/f (shes still my best friend / sister) gets upset when i say this but realistically i am a (almost) 30 year old who lives with his parents doesnt have a bank account debt and bad credit from a former addiction short of being crazy driven and intelligent i am a 30 year old loser overtly. Its not bad but seriously what do i say to a girl i met "oh ive had a job for 5 years but never saved money and still live with my parents..."

It really bothered me because i know im awesome and amazing but that overt fact that i am "just another 30 year old loser who never grew up enough to move out" bothered me until i realized I am on my path. This is the path i am meant to take and because i have planned out my next 5 years all will come in time. I should be thankful for my gift of personal insight, logic and reason, my internal drive that forces me to better myself daily, these are things others dont have. Sure maybe other people are better at meeting girls and making friends then i but i never wanted to be anyone else hell if anything i am truly thankful i am me.

My point is use this time to reflect upon you. You feel this way because you are not happy with yourself. Take notice of things you have done or accomplished hardships over come girls will be around forever but a positive self view is priceless. Work toward your own goals and tell the world to fuck off while you do so. If your living situation bothers you come up with a plan to change it... that is literally what i did and it caused me to basically stop smoking weed and doing K because they were holding me back and i refused to believe it until i drew out a budget and saw how much it was impacting my budget and time.

But really are you just upset because your not getting laid or that you live in a bad spot... they are two completely different things.
 
InfectedWithDrugs said:
I volunteer at local Hospital's Emergency Department, but it's a joke - there is nothing to do. I'm out of ideas. I sent out over 10K applications last year and got 2 calls...
Click to expand...
i know that must be tough but if i sent out over 10,000 applications and got 2 calls, i'd start to think that maybe sending out applications wasn't the best approach. hell, i'd have made that decision after 500 applications. maybe you need to take a different approach: remote working; mining your network for contacts at target companies; etc.

it's 2016 now and sending an application and waiting for a response just puts you in a bucket with a million other people. what are you doing to do to get in front of the hiring manager and demonstrate you're the guy for the job?

alasdair
 
I'm upset about both. In fact, I have 0 hope left. I went from Mr. Succesc out of college to Mr. Loser after back surgeries. It's so damn unfair, it's not like I messed up in any way, I was hit by a damn vehicle (his fault), almost died, and needed years of recovery. I did NOTHING WRONG and yet I'm Mr. Loser... This hopelessness drives me into deep depression. I'm pretty much f&cked...
 
well, again, that does sound truly awful but sitting around feeling bitter isn't going to change anything. you're not a loser - you've just had a very challenging time. you need to make a plan to improve things and execute it. you have internet access so you have access to a huge world of resources.

alasdair
 
It does not matter because being unemployed for more than 6 months is many times worse than having a felony criminal record. I would have to find a really stupid employer to be hired and stupid employers have bad business.

Being in acute benzo withdrawal is also not helping this situation.

I have 0 friends here and thought finding someone would relieve this stress. I obviously do not expect dating to solve my problems, but some women are supportive when they hear my story. It's just sooo hard to be alone for SO long without any emotional connection.
 
It's not your fault. The economy is horrible and has been since 2008. All the jobs you could have gone into while you got back on your feet have been shipped to China. Of course, concentrate on finding work.

I suggest dating and making friends. Take care of yourself, but do not use dating as an escape.
 
InfectedWithDrugs said:
It does not matter because being unemployed for more than 6 months is many times worse than having a felony criminal record.
Click to expand...
the economy in the u.s. has changed significantly in the last 10 years and being unemployed for more than 6 months does not, necessarily, carry the same stigma it used to.

speaking frankly, if you are this miserable because of your circumstances, dating is only going to make that worse, not better. i think szuko000, pofacedho and dopemaster all gave you good advice.

alasdair
 
Don't you think some companionship could help his mood? I don't mean spending all day every day with a new girlfriend but somebody to see a few nights a week, assuming she has a job, after she gets off work. The right person should understand his situation and not put pressure on him to spend money at restaurants. It would be a relief from the monotony.
alasdairm said:
the economy in the u.s. has changed significantly in the last 10 years and being unemployed for more than 6 months does not, necessarily, carry the same stigma it used to.

speaking frankly, if you are this miserable because of your circumstances, dating is only going to make that worse, not better. i think szuko000, pofacedho and dopemaster all gave you good advice.

alasdair
Click to expand...
 
szuko000 said:
I recently went through a similar internal conflict after getting out of a 6 year relationship once my former g/f and i got clean. We spent every moment together, that we could before during and after our addiction. The struggles that would drive lesser people apart brought us together. One day she said "i think we would be happier not dating we are basically bother and sister lets try this as single just friends" Her idea was met by some resistance by myself as those things are never completely even but it only took a few days to know she was right.

Anyway for the longest time i was ok with the whole living with my parents never saving money because i had a girlfriend a job and was doing way better then when i was a junkie... suddenly now i have to consider my outward appearance because i desire to get laid. I have plenty of admirable qualities hell some so unique to myself i can say ive never met someone like me. And my former g/f (shes still my best friend / sister) gets upset when i say this but realistically i am a (almost) 30 year old who lives with his parents doesnt have a bank account debt and bad credit from a former addiction short of being crazy driven and intelligent i am a 30 year old loser overtly. Its not bad but seriously what do i say to a girl i met "oh ive had a job for 5 years but never saved money and still live with my parents..."

It really bothered me because i know im awesome and amazing but that overt fact that i am "just another 30 year old loser who never grew up enough to move out" bothered me until i realized I am on my path. This is the path i am meant to take and because i have planned out my next 5 years all will come in time. I should be thankful for my gift of personal insight, logic and reason, my internal drive that forces me to better myself daily, these are things others dont have. Sure maybe other people are better at meeting girls and making friends then i but i never wanted to be anyone else hell if anything i am truly thankful i am me.

My point is use this time to reflect upon you. You feel this way because you are not happy with yourself. Take notice of things you have done or accomplished hardships over come girls will be around forever but a positive self view is priceless. Work toward your own goals and tell the world to fuck off while you do so. If your living situation bothers you come up with a plan to change it... that is literally what i did and it caused me to basically stop smoking weed and doing K because they were holding me back and i refused to believe it until i drew out a budget and saw how much it was impacting my budget and time.

But really are you just upset because your not getting laid or that you live in a bad spot... they are two completely different things.
Click to expand...
I really liked this post. ^

OP, maybe you should read it again.. and no offense, quit feeling sorry for yourself and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
 
I've been doing something about it for years. That is what makes unemployment so so SO bad. When you work hard, you get rewarded, but when you seek jobs, it's pure luck, has little to do with effort put into it.

I am occupying time the best I can - spend 8hrs a day looking for work on Indeed, Monster, LinkedIn, etc, then spend 2-3 hours at the gym (casual bodybuilding, lost 26lbs of fat in 3 months), volunteer at local hospital for a few hours, eat very healthy, read some books, and spend the rest of my time bored out of my mind... After years of the same thing I got overly lonely and separate and yes, miserable... Benzo WD is also a heavy contributor. 5 months ago I also went clean, completely opiate-free after years of use and some abuse due to back surgeries. I did everything right without any benefits...

Hell, even a single RL friend to hang out with would be of help, but there is nobody my age and I have nothing in common with people here. This sucks!
 
Been reading The Alchemist book... It has a repeated theme that is something along the lines of : "When you really truly want something, all the forces in the Universe bend to your will for you to achieve what you desire". Maybe I should acquire that way of thinking...
 
InfectedWithDrugs said:
I've been doing something about it for years. That is what makes unemployment so so SO bad. When you work hard, you get rewarded, but when you seek jobs, it's pure luck, has little to do with effort put into it.
Click to expand...

Getting a job is NOT pure luck. It has to do with skills, experience, and your character! You're telling me that employers can't understand that you weren't working for 6 months because you got into a car accident?!? That just doesn't make any sense! I've taken 8 months off work when my sister and father died.. and I was able to get a job immediately, I just told them what happened.

You sent out thousands of applications and only received two call backs? What kind of jobs are you applying for?? I'm sure you'll be able to get a restaurant/retail job no problem. Want to go back to a big company, start small and move your way up. Maybe you're just applying for the jobs that are extremely hard to get into? Maybe your resume needs some fixing. Maybe you just need more experience.. great way to get some, volunteer! intern!

And good for you for getting sober. You seem like a very smart guy, so I don't need to be telling you all this.
 
Not 6 months - more like 4 years and due to back problems, I can only do sitting office jobs. Due to my badass first job out of college and how much they were paying me, I am over-qualified for simple jobs yet have only 3 years of proper experience, not enough to get a similar job. I am shooting for a job that pay just enough to move out of my parents house and live on canned tuna without TV or Internet in a barely acceptable apartment. I am not expecting anything like my previous salary.

It is also a bad idea to tell employers you had an accident or surgeries - you will be seen as health liability.

I networked with college alumni and some employers recently. Each one told me that with such a huge employment gap, the chances of getting any job are extraordinary tiny. At this point my education and experience are good/nullified. Someone without experience out of college is way more likely to be hired than someone with the right experience and huge employment gap... Its the bitter truth...

I used to tutor/teach/counsel college seniors on how to create proper resume and go through job interviews. Everyone I coached got a job out of college before graduation. How ironic is that?
 
look unemployment will grind u down and its the worst time to take drugs because they really become a crutch

you've done well to recover

focus on the positives.

you can achieve good things- its definitely possible. first step towards getting a job is working on your depression. if you get an interview but feel depressed it doesn't help. tackling the mood problem (that i know is caused by situation) is so important to getting you positivity back. believe in yourself. you have to

if this gap is such an issue take any old shitty job locally just for now and then while employed at burger king or whatever (it shows both desperation/willing) apply for other jobs you actually want


my mum always says you will get a job when you have a job. and irony paradox but its so true. any job works for that as well
 
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