Stuck in a weird loop

[takimarn]

Well around the summer of 08, i had a ton of great experiences with lsd and mushrooms, mostly lsd. Fell in love. Then a few times in early 09. Then i dont know how it happened but an accidental prolonged break occured to where i havent munched on it since, even tho its been at my fingertips the whole time.

I wouldnt say that's a problem necessarily, but the thing that's starting to bother me is that i just constantly still think about tripping every day. And not in the self-diagnosed fake hppd type of way. I mean that i actually want to trip, but im getting stuck at a weird wall.

At first i just thought i was waiting for the "right time" or something, but now ive realized ive just gotten stuck in this totally weird loop where i always think im gonna take the plunge that night and have a new adventure. Then i somehow decide not to or something comes up. Next day comes, same thing. Frustrating and pathetic and literally for years now.

Now i dont even know what im waiting for anymore and i feel like im loosing myself cause im trying to hold on to experiences that happened 3+ years ago i barely remember in detail. I was so sure of myself and certain things at one point, and now im starting to loose that also. A part of me almost feels like im not capable of tripping as gloriously as i once did, crazy right? Like those trips were so life changingly perfect, that i coudlnt get "lucky" again like that.

Definitely a funky head space. I have been pretty severely depressed for some time but thats not much different from when i had some of the greatest most satisfying experiences of my life, thats kinda just me. If anything i remember acid helping greatly with my anxieties and depression and getting me to focus on some different new passions in life.

I know it sounds weird but i cant really explain it myself. I wouldnt say its a "scared" thing or worried about a bad trip, just feel so stuck and dont quite know the answer. Have i just forgotten what it's like to be on the other side?

I smoked DMT heavily in the beginning of 2010, great great times, but no where near as satisfying as lsd (to me). Idk if that insane roller coaster psychedelic spaceship of a ride has just clouded my memories of a nice peaceful grounded fun sensible acid trip or what, but here i am.

Has anyone else had similar experiences with psychedelics after a lengthy break? Have hit the same wall possibly?

 

[KaleB541]

Well psychedelics definitely helped me with negative moods or thoughts and never introduced anything bad that wasn't there already. In a sense if you have a bad, introspective experience it forces you to find a solution how to get over it rather than succumbing to it.

I wouldn't worry about losing the magic. If you had genuine insights with your life-changing experiences a few years ago, you can't really run out of those so long as you don't suffer serious brain damage. Do you understand what I'm saying?

 

[greenmeanies]

If anything i remember acid helping greatly with my anxieties and depression and getting me to focus on some different new passions in life.

perhaps you are still too busy following your passions that another "life changingly perfect trip" would be too much too soon?

maybe you should explore the low-dose possibilities. not every dance with god has to be a trip to enlightenment IMO. sometimes you have too many responsibilities that you KNOW you cannot trip hard because you will not be able to "let go" completely.

a low dose trip, to me, can provide a little "reminder" of WHY i am choosing the particular path i am on, without changing me to the point that i drop it and choose a new path

 

[Asyd420]

^ He's right on taking low doses it does remind you of why. you dont need to trip as hard as you did back then. trip at your own pace.

 

[seagal26]

Maybe plan one for 3-6 months away, and then focus your thoughts on other things for a time. You may want to consider why your thoughts return to it so much, if you are not following through. Maybe you are just waiting for the right time?

 

[takimarn]

i like that. Yea you kinda described what's going on with me exactly. Too much stuff going on and i cant see myself being able to "let go" like i once did, plus i do tend to overlook the idea of just enjoying a mild trip. And forget how easy it is to do so because most of my experiences were on heavier doses and as satisfying and spectacular they were, they were still super difficult at times and very exhausting.

You're right, I'm not ready for nor do i want or need another life changing experience, but there is no place for that when i can just be high and get reminded of what i did learn and experience during those "perfect" trips back in the day.

Deep shit thanks for the help. Guess i kinda got a little lost along the way. Gonna hopefully take a tab or 2 next week and just let the rest happen.