L
lostone66
Guest
I met a man on the net (was not the type to do that either, but it happened non-creepily lol) we knew each other a really long time actually before we reconnected, fell in love and I moved overseas to be with him. He seemed like a really great man. He seemed so easy going and nice, and he is majority of the time. It's like he has a split personality. Jekyll & Hyde.
Moving has been tough. Not being legally permitted to work severely hinders my options. I miss going to school, working and my family very much. I have unmedicated bipolar disorder which means every two weeks I swing between severe depressive episodes where all I want is to kill myself, or I'm agitated and frustrated...then I'm normal for a week then back to depression. This stresses my husband out because he has no idea how to deal with it. He occasionally comforts me but usually just takes it personally and gets angry. I understand bipolar is hard to deal with, which is why I suggested he read up on it. I made him read a page one time of what it's like to be inside a bipolar persons head and about being in a relationship with somebody with bipolar, and he sort of read it hurriedly, didn't finish it and didn't even discuss it with me afterward nor say anything. He shows zero interest in even trying to understand me in other words. He doesn't give any sort of a shit.
At first, everything was fabulous. He treated me like a queen. We got married, and I was so happy. The first time he laid his hands on me was before that but it was not too severe. He did hold me down on the bed and choke and slap me after I flushed his drugs I was trying to make him get off after he lied about not having it and I found it. From there, it got worse. Then, he started slapping me. I'm talking slapping my face over and over and over, like 10 times in a row. Kicked a few times too.
I got pregnant, then I decided I wasn't ready. I was going to have an abortion. But one morning I woke up in extreme pain and I was bleeding. He was pissed off I woke him up and disturbed his sleep because 'he's sick of me crying' and ended up beating me up pretty severely. He punched me at least like twenty to thirty times times to the head. I was cowering with my hands covering my head in the car seat, and he would punch me in between the spaces my hands weren't covering. I ended up with an extremely bloody nose, it poured all over my legs, my shirt, my face and the dashboard. To defend myself I put my legs up and kicked (afterwards he claimed I was violent cos I kicked him? That's an old trick of his, turn it round on me. This man genuinely believes in his mind that I am the violent one who hurts him.). I got out of the car after he tried to stop me, and starts saying he loves me. I said you're only saying that to save yourself not because you actually care about me. He laughed and said 'you're right'. He sped off and when he got home he didn't even care. I walked the 200 m home and have no idea how nobody even came to my aid considering how much blood was on me.
For some fucked up reason, whenever he hits me afterwards he claims that 'I hit him first' which is UNTRUE. I do not hit him. I barely even hit him back. I only scratch etc to defend myself once he's hit me. He gave me a black eye not long ago, and held me down and suffocated me and the next day he was complaining about the scratches he received from me due to him holding me down and cutting off my oxygen. I just think to myself is this guy for real? I have a black eye and two huge scratches on my face, he has three defensive wounds and he has the audacity to complain?
I ended up losing the baby the next day after the car incident with the pouring blood nose. Throughout the miscarriage I was on my own while he slept in the next room and didn't comfort me because he thought I was being dramatic. It took him walking into the bathroom a few hours after I passed out and seeing his dead baby floating in the toilet that he finally realized what had been happening. I bled again.
Since then, he's thrown me into a wall and torn a tendon in my back which took weeks to heal, made my mouth bleed after punches to the head, given me a black eye (right now) and innumerable cuts on my face from slaps and punches. I have a few that have scarred and my face is starting to acquire far more scars. He also hit me with a leather belt and slapped my bare skin with basically all his might. He is a really big guy and I'm 100 pounds less than him. I'm strong but against him I stand no chance. He is super strong with huge hands there is no way I could fight him off. The worst part is he never apologises. He will say he will never do it again but says I deserve it. This is making my bipolar out of control. I don't know how much more I can take. He blames me for every incident like I made him do it.
When I'm in a depressive episode I cry a lot. It pisses him off but I can't help if. That's usually the catalyst for him hitting me, regardless of what it's about.
Recently he promised he'd take me shopping to my favourite stores. I woke up at 2pm wanting to go. He was awake but complained he wanted to go back to sleep. I got pissed off cos it was already late afternoon and I wanted to get going. He punched me in the face and I got an egg underneath my eye. This time he tried to run away, but I chased him out of rage all around the block, shoeless. (Actually pretty funny cos I more than kept up with him). He called his MOTHER while I was chasing him and tells her that I'm chasing him and I'm crazy blah blah blah. I yelled 'he hit me' so she would know why. So now his mum thinks I'm the bad one for some screwed up reason because I'm gonna get him in trouble w the cops. She said to him that I'm going to poison him in his sleep. How am I suddenly the violent one? Doesn't tell him not to hit me (I messaged her later on and told her how he treats me) but places the blame on me. Like I'm the one that's going to put him in jail, instead of his own actions. I can't believe that his welfare is being put before mine. He says she's just protective of him. Well where's my protection? Nobody seems to care I'm being beaten up. He even said he would murder me. I'm scared one day he will. I told him that and he started saying 'my mum was right, you are going to poison me in my sleep. I'm scared of you'. Can you believe the nerve of this guy?
After a this I'm always the one that ends up apologizing. He makes it feel like it's my fault. Now his mother hates me - great - and he says he's going to smooth it over. I'm so pissed off that he called his mother of all people to tell her to pick him up because I was chasing him. What a fucking mummy's boy. It's because I was just as fast as him (if not faster) and he couldn't stop and beat me up in public because out there he could be seen and get in trouble. I ran because I lost it. I was sick of being treated like crap and I snapped. I wanted him to pay. But instead he just got his mother involved, the last person who should be!!! I might be a bit to handle but that's only because my bipolar is untreated. He shows no interest in getting me help and says my parents should do it. The funny thing is that besides when he turns into a monster, he treats me so well. He acts in public like the greatest husband ever, always w his arm around me telling me sweet things. But when I don't act 100% perfect I get hit. He hits me probably once every two weeks, sometimes more, like once a week & sometimes once a month.
I have no life in this country. No job. No friends. Got nowhere to go. I do know one girl that would probably help me, but sending all my clothes and possessions home is not going to be possible with checked baggage at the airport and I definitely don't trust him to send it. I'd ask his mum but she's an enabling bitch apparently. I liked her too til now and she liked me. I haven't done anything to deserve this. I am here only for him. I want to leave but I'm still hopelessly in love with him for some fucked up reason. I don't have the strength to leave. He can be horrible but he can also be amazing. It's like he has a total opposite personality in there deep down though that not everybody sees. It's monstrous. He does love me, but I fear he loves me only when I act a certain way- which isn't too hard for him to handle. I know I need to leave but I'm terrified that if I do i will just miss him too much and kill myself. My bipolar gives me severe suicidal ideation. I'm sure id be fine but I'm still afraid to be without him. I still find him so beautiful in a twisted way, we are certainly magnetic to one another physically and that makes it harder to break. I wish I didn't and tbh my love is fading with every punch instead of growing everyday like it used to. Other people think we are the happiest couple ever because of how 'well' he treats me. Obviously it's all a big act but he still isn't all bad. I guess I keep hoping he will change. But he won't.
My husband basically sees nothing wrong with hitting me on the head. His mother apparently doesn't either and doesn't care. They both only care about him going to prison for doing it. Nobody is looking out for me. I'm alone.
I need help so badly but I don't know where to
oh and he also gets me on the ground after he's hit me because I cry and scream loudly (how dare I) and covers my nose and mouth w his huge hands. It suffocates me and I writhe around trying to get his hand off but he won't budge for a few seconds. I can't tell you how terrifying it is. It's like he wants to kill me.
He says if I get the cops called 'we are over' to threaten me into submission. I just don't know what to do. So much of me still loves him but I can't handle the hitting anymore. Whenever he's mad he tells me how he misses his ex and how she is so much better than me as well. My heart is breaking BL. I am not perfect but I don't deserve this. My family and friends are so far away. And if I leave, I'll be banned from the country five years for overstaying a visa (by he never filed my green card forms) so leaving is permanent and it terrifies me. I couldn't come back even if I wanted to. The thought of him dating someone else just makes me sick to my stomach... I'm going to always love him even though he doesn't deserve it.
Moving has been tough. Not being legally permitted to work severely hinders my options. I miss going to school, working and my family very much. I have unmedicated bipolar disorder which means every two weeks I swing between severe depressive episodes where all I want is to kill myself, or I'm agitated and frustrated...then I'm normal for a week then back to depression. This stresses my husband out because he has no idea how to deal with it. He occasionally comforts me but usually just takes it personally and gets angry. I understand bipolar is hard to deal with, which is why I suggested he read up on it. I made him read a page one time of what it's like to be inside a bipolar persons head and about being in a relationship with somebody with bipolar, and he sort of read it hurriedly, didn't finish it and didn't even discuss it with me afterward nor say anything. He shows zero interest in even trying to understand me in other words. He doesn't give any sort of a shit.
At first, everything was fabulous. He treated me like a queen. We got married, and I was so happy. The first time he laid his hands on me was before that but it was not too severe. He did hold me down on the bed and choke and slap me after I flushed his drugs I was trying to make him get off after he lied about not having it and I found it. From there, it got worse. Then, he started slapping me. I'm talking slapping my face over and over and over, like 10 times in a row. Kicked a few times too.
I got pregnant, then I decided I wasn't ready. I was going to have an abortion. But one morning I woke up in extreme pain and I was bleeding. He was pissed off I woke him up and disturbed his sleep because 'he's sick of me crying' and ended up beating me up pretty severely. He punched me at least like twenty to thirty times times to the head. I was cowering with my hands covering my head in the car seat, and he would punch me in between the spaces my hands weren't covering. I ended up with an extremely bloody nose, it poured all over my legs, my shirt, my face and the dashboard. To defend myself I put my legs up and kicked (afterwards he claimed I was violent cos I kicked him? That's an old trick of his, turn it round on me. This man genuinely believes in his mind that I am the violent one who hurts him.). I got out of the car after he tried to stop me, and starts saying he loves me. I said you're only saying that to save yourself not because you actually care about me. He laughed and said 'you're right'. He sped off and when he got home he didn't even care. I walked the 200 m home and have no idea how nobody even came to my aid considering how much blood was on me.
For some fucked up reason, whenever he hits me afterwards he claims that 'I hit him first' which is UNTRUE. I do not hit him. I barely even hit him back. I only scratch etc to defend myself once he's hit me. He gave me a black eye not long ago, and held me down and suffocated me and the next day he was complaining about the scratches he received from me due to him holding me down and cutting off my oxygen. I just think to myself is this guy for real? I have a black eye and two huge scratches on my face, he has three defensive wounds and he has the audacity to complain?
I ended up losing the baby the next day after the car incident with the pouring blood nose. Throughout the miscarriage I was on my own while he slept in the next room and didn't comfort me because he thought I was being dramatic. It took him walking into the bathroom a few hours after I passed out and seeing his dead baby floating in the toilet that he finally realized what had been happening. I bled again.
Since then, he's thrown me into a wall and torn a tendon in my back which took weeks to heal, made my mouth bleed after punches to the head, given me a black eye (right now) and innumerable cuts on my face from slaps and punches. I have a few that have scarred and my face is starting to acquire far more scars. He also hit me with a leather belt and slapped my bare skin with basically all his might. He is a really big guy and I'm 100 pounds less than him. I'm strong but against him I stand no chance. He is super strong with huge hands there is no way I could fight him off. The worst part is he never apologises. He will say he will never do it again but says I deserve it. This is making my bipolar out of control. I don't know how much more I can take. He blames me for every incident like I made him do it.
When I'm in a depressive episode I cry a lot. It pisses him off but I can't help if. That's usually the catalyst for him hitting me, regardless of what it's about.
Recently he promised he'd take me shopping to my favourite stores. I woke up at 2pm wanting to go. He was awake but complained he wanted to go back to sleep. I got pissed off cos it was already late afternoon and I wanted to get going. He punched me in the face and I got an egg underneath my eye. This time he tried to run away, but I chased him out of rage all around the block, shoeless. (Actually pretty funny cos I more than kept up with him). He called his MOTHER while I was chasing him and tells her that I'm chasing him and I'm crazy blah blah blah. I yelled 'he hit me' so she would know why. So now his mum thinks I'm the bad one for some screwed up reason because I'm gonna get him in trouble w the cops. She said to him that I'm going to poison him in his sleep. How am I suddenly the violent one? Doesn't tell him not to hit me (I messaged her later on and told her how he treats me) but places the blame on me. Like I'm the one that's going to put him in jail, instead of his own actions. I can't believe that his welfare is being put before mine. He says she's just protective of him. Well where's my protection? Nobody seems to care I'm being beaten up. He even said he would murder me. I'm scared one day he will. I told him that and he started saying 'my mum was right, you are going to poison me in my sleep. I'm scared of you'. Can you believe the nerve of this guy?
After a this I'm always the one that ends up apologizing. He makes it feel like it's my fault. Now his mother hates me - great - and he says he's going to smooth it over. I'm so pissed off that he called his mother of all people to tell her to pick him up because I was chasing him. What a fucking mummy's boy. It's because I was just as fast as him (if not faster) and he couldn't stop and beat me up in public because out there he could be seen and get in trouble. I ran because I lost it. I was sick of being treated like crap and I snapped. I wanted him to pay. But instead he just got his mother involved, the last person who should be!!! I might be a bit to handle but that's only because my bipolar is untreated. He shows no interest in getting me help and says my parents should do it. The funny thing is that besides when he turns into a monster, he treats me so well. He acts in public like the greatest husband ever, always w his arm around me telling me sweet things. But when I don't act 100% perfect I get hit. He hits me probably once every two weeks, sometimes more, like once a week & sometimes once a month.
I have no life in this country. No job. No friends. Got nowhere to go. I do know one girl that would probably help me, but sending all my clothes and possessions home is not going to be possible with checked baggage at the airport and I definitely don't trust him to send it. I'd ask his mum but she's an enabling bitch apparently. I liked her too til now and she liked me. I haven't done anything to deserve this. I am here only for him. I want to leave but I'm still hopelessly in love with him for some fucked up reason. I don't have the strength to leave. He can be horrible but he can also be amazing. It's like he has a total opposite personality in there deep down though that not everybody sees. It's monstrous. He does love me, but I fear he loves me only when I act a certain way- which isn't too hard for him to handle. I know I need to leave but I'm terrified that if I do i will just miss him too much and kill myself. My bipolar gives me severe suicidal ideation. I'm sure id be fine but I'm still afraid to be without him. I still find him so beautiful in a twisted way, we are certainly magnetic to one another physically and that makes it harder to break. I wish I didn't and tbh my love is fading with every punch instead of growing everyday like it used to. Other people think we are the happiest couple ever because of how 'well' he treats me. Obviously it's all a big act but he still isn't all bad. I guess I keep hoping he will change. But he won't.
My husband basically sees nothing wrong with hitting me on the head. His mother apparently doesn't either and doesn't care. They both only care about him going to prison for doing it. Nobody is looking out for me. I'm alone.
I need help so badly but I don't know where to
oh and he also gets me on the ground after he's hit me because I cry and scream loudly (how dare I) and covers my nose and mouth w his huge hands. It suffocates me and I writhe around trying to get his hand off but he won't budge for a few seconds. I can't tell you how terrifying it is. It's like he wants to kill me.
He says if I get the cops called 'we are over' to threaten me into submission. I just don't know what to do. So much of me still loves him but I can't handle the hitting anymore. Whenever he's mad he tells me how he misses his ex and how she is so much better than me as well. My heart is breaking BL. I am not perfect but I don't deserve this. My family and friends are so far away. And if I leave, I'll be banned from the country five years for overstaying a visa (by he never filed my green card forms) so leaving is permanent and it terrifies me. I couldn't come back even if I wanted to. The thought of him dating someone else just makes me sick to my stomach... I'm going to always love him even though he doesn't deserve it.
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