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  • EADD Moderators: Shambles

stuck in a depressed rut, don't know what to do.

^^^

It's impossible to really assess from a few words but a lack of emotion can be a symptom of depression, I certainly feel that way a great deal and even came off ADs due to it.

I struggle with depression all the time these days, over recent years I've stopped socialising almost completely and have fairly regular episodes of deeper depression and all that brings.

I'm very lucky to have such an understanding partner and wonderful children, I keep myself busy with work and little projects around the house and in the garage which helps, I am much worse if I have little to do.

I had a course of CBT a few years ago and would recommend giving it a go, it really helped me recover from a total breakdown and understand some the stuff that is going on in my head with self esteem and issues with my father etc.

I clearly think about things differently to many people I meet, my partner simply says I think too much but it's something I'm unable to change. Keep moving forward and try and make small changes but if things get out of hand and suicide is in your thoughts speak to someone, you may not be in danger of hurting yourself but it is an indication of your state of mind and is a very bad place to be.
 
Very interesting to read, you have a brilliant way with words, thankyou for that, sorry to hear about your ups and downs man you sound lovely

Yeah i know a lot of people that overthink, i do now and again, not always in a bad way though its creative sometimes

A lot better than i used to be when hammering meph, my mind state back then was like a f'ing manic bi polar or something, although it was fun times

As for suicide, its been spinning through my brain on and off for many years, not very often for the past 2 though
 
When I had a serious episode a few years ago many friends put it down to my extensive use of MDMA but I don't think it was a major factor in itself.

looking back I think I was so drawn to MDMA and the rave scene as it gave me the things I had missing in my life, happiness and a feeling of connection to others as well as a chance to release my consciousness, if anything coming to terms with the fact those days were over was a problem.

It's normal to think about suicide now and again, but obsessing about it and planning it constantly isn't healthy, I got to the point where I could see no other options, it's difficult to explain but it was a very logical move.... I self admitted into secure care.

It's the self loathing that causes my life the most damage and seems so difficult to deal with, but I get on OK these days and I'm more open about my limitations
 
Too right i planned it out, was constantly on my mind awhile ago, very weird mindset to be in
 
Tis called suicidal ideation, it's something I have suffered with myself quite a bit and even followed through with the preparation once, even if your not going to do it it's not a good thing to be thinking about to often, I find it very upsetting.

Just remember to talk to someone if it's becoming a problem, you can find yourself in a very dark place if depression gets a hold. For me it feels like being at the bottom of a well, I keep going down and expecting to hit the bottom and bounce back up but the light above me goes out and I don't even know how to climb back up.
 
Ah man it was a problem for a long time, manifested into body dysmorphia and all sorts of weird shit, lack of sleep and meph was the main route of it though. so much better these days though

As for talking to people about it, wont be doing that. although saying that we're talking about it now. but thanks for the advice my man. dont even know why im talking about it when im feeling blissful
 
It's always good to share such things, I find it very difficult to talk about such stuff and this place can be good for that, typing it out can help IME.

I'm not judging you by my experiences, I know how difficult it is to tell someone's state of mind and how dangerous it is to make assumptions.

I think I came quite close to either loosing the plot completely or killing myself, my state of mind when I went into care was really not good but almost everyone I knew hadn't spotted a problem at all. If I see someone here talking about suicide I always try and offer a few words, it seems wrong not to, I PMd Ponti a good while ago, he said he was OK..clearly not

I've never been that low again and mostly I get along fine, I have a few friends and love my kids and partner, I'm not sure where I would be without them, Mrs A is everything to me, the only one who really knows anything of the real me and for that and many other things I'm grateful.
 
pinkpapaver said:
it is always good to talk and communicate with someone. just getting stuff out of the head helps.
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I've found this to be one of the most valuable things I learnt in CBT, I wrote a letter to my father that I never even intended to give him. I shared it with my councillor and felt some genuine closure and relief.

I've not talked openly to many about a lot of things but when I have I've found most people react well and often share a little themselves.

The internet is useful as its relatively anonymous and personally I find it easier to communicate such things here, maybe that's a bit sad but it's then best I can do at the moment and more than many ever do, I'd rather struggle with myself and the way I deal with the world than block it all out and pretend there is nothing beyond the shallow surface of living.
 
hexagram said:
Just wanted to say a huge thanks to everyone who gave me their support on this thread, means a lot.

Have been feeling much better recently. My situation hasn't changed, but my outlook on it has. Gotten out of the slump.

Also, doing lots of MDMA and meph every weekend if your already down about something is a bad idea, I think that's partially what made me so down, low sereotonin levels.

and abusing etizolam didn't help either, it made me more chill about certain things but overall just a bit more dead.
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Didn't you think of mentioning this earlier? Abusing benzo's and stims regularly is pretty much guarenteed to end with the user feeling like this. I should know ;)
 
brimz said:
Hire a Prostitute ?

If you don't fancy shagging hear i hear they are great listeners ;) .

I'm being semi serious btw.
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For me that would be a disaster, the idea of having sex with someone who basically didn't want to makes me feel a bit sick TBH.

I can't grapple with the issue of exploitation, it just seems all wrong to me. My limited exposure to the realities of prostitution did nothing to change my mind, 15 year old on street corners handing over all their cash for crack and the poor girl upstairs in a block I lived in beaten up a few times a week and having sex with fat sweaty perves.

You want to speak to someone ring the Samaritans, you need to relive a bit of sexual tension have a wank .

The above is just based on my feelings and experience about prostitution and a bit of a hang up about not wanting to be forcing myself on women, I find the idea deeply disturbing.
 
Been through a very similar situation recently hex. At Uni had a top Girlfriend for about a year, was going swimmingly, out of the blue got chucked by text with no real explanation.We all shared the same social group and the bad blood between us put a massive strain on not only our friendship but the whole groups. I was Devastated and made myself look like a right melon mopping about for a few weeks. Getting over it happens in stages, initial pain and sadness turns to anger and one day you realise you don't give a flying fuck about them.

I can assure you looking weak and upset will do nothing for you, and while its tough you need to put a brave face on it. There is nothing more unattractive to a Women than sadness and desperation. You're in a situation that many people would love to be in, University is probably the best place to be for getting out there and meeting new people, get a job at a bar join a few societies and in no time things will have turned around. My ex didn't want to know when i was down in the dumps, as soon as she saw me with a new girl, she came crawling back. It's usually the way, at which point you can tell them to do one with great delight.
 
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