stuck in a depressed rut, don't know what to do.

[hexagram]

Not sure if anyone saw my drunk posts last night. I'm feeling better this morning but I'm still absolutely stuck as to what to do.

going to re-post what I put last night

before and during the summer, everything was fine. Had a solid group of best mates who I hung out with a few times a week, a lovley girlfriend who I always had a right laugh with.

Then, about October time, a month or so after uni began again, everything started to fall apart at once. One of my best mates got arsey with the other, stopped going on nights out and just stayed in with his girlfriend all the time. My other best mate started to hang around with his new house mates more, and stopped inviting me round as much, sometimes making up bullshit excuses, and also got whipped by his controlling girlfriend. Then another good friend dropped out of uni and went home halfway across the country. Everyone else picked sides and I sort of ended up getting fucked over by both. And then my girlfriend left me last month and isn't talking to me at all.

They say that bad things happen in three's, and in this case my whole life seems to have fallen apart over the course of a few months. struggling to catch up with uni work too.

I'll give it a chance. Atm I'm looking forward to January the 10th, when I think enough time will have passed to at least try and re-establish a friendship with my ex. But I'm not feeling it. I'm going to give myself til summer, and if things haven't improved then I'm done. I felt a lot better having spoken to a counselor today, but it's not enough.

This probably sounds really pathetic on paper, and I know other people go through far worse than this. But I can't stand how it's all happened at once, and how I went from having a pretty decent life to just sitting around in my room alone all the time.

Everything's so fucking fragile man, people underestimate how quickly everything can just go to shit.

I'm doing my best to stay positive, but it's becoming unbearable, I'm beginning to feel like I'm loosing my mind, it's too much to handle at once, going from seeing people all the time to spending fucking weeks in my room alone, having all my old friends ignore my texts, seeing my ex having loads of fun going out all the time, probably seeing other guys now too.

What can I do to get out of this? people say 'make new friends' but I'm in my last term of uni, everyone's already made their friends, my situation feels increasingly more hopeless every day I spend by myself.

 

[mydrugbuddy]

That doesnt sound too great no, but try and remember this is a temporary situation, it isnt how things are going to be for ever. Before you know it your uni days will just be a distant memory. You could join new clubs and stuff at uni, sports clubs or whatever your into to make new friends, get a part time job or something to meet new people, lean on your family for support if needed. I know its easier said than done, but its good that you're speaking to a counsellor, they can really help clear things up and help you to find positive outcomes.

 

[Uncle Robert]

When you go back to university after christmas and exams you should join some societies. It's a good time to join them.

edit; can't say it any better than mdb, as hard as it is to get the ball rolling getting yourself out there is the only way

 

[Bearlove]

Why are you waiting until Jan the 10th to make things up with your partner ? If you really think she will be interested in you in a months time she will be interested in you now - strike when the iron is hot, if your sincere then apologize, beg, grovel etc?

You are really being overly harsh with yourself though - I'm giving myself until summer and then that's 'IT' - whats 'it', your setting yourself a target? Instead of saying I have six months to hit x, y and z target - you live the next six months feeling free, happy and what comes, comes? You see what you have in six months and build from that?

What can you do to get out of this ? = Understand that were geared towards fucking up ? Some of us 'need' to make these mistakes - we need these 'down times' to think, what am I doing, what do I want?

Dust yourself and try again ?

 

[hexagram]

My ex insists that she needs til after christmas until we can be friends again. Fuck knows why, but that's what she says and she won't budge. Nothing I can do about it. At this point I just want the friendship back, that's all.

I have no idea what I even did to fuck things up with my friends, everyone just got really stubborn and arsey with each other and went into their own little social circles, leaving me out.

I'm not enjoying anything anymore, all the old music, films and books for some reason just aren't doing it for me anymore. I don't get what's wrong with me. I think I need to see a doctor and maybe get some anti-depressants.

also trying to join societies after freshers fair is fucking hard.

 

[Bearlove]

My ex insists that she needs til after christmas until we can be friends again. Fuck knows why, but that's what she says and she won't budge. Nothing I can do about it. At this point I just want the friendship back, that's all.

I have no idea what I even did to fuck things up with my friends, everyone just got really stubborn and arsey with each other and went into their own little social circles, leaving me out.

I'm not enjoying anything anymore, all the old music, films and books for some reason just aren't doing it for me anymore. I don't get what's wrong with me. I think I need to see a doctor and maybe get some anti-depressants.

also trying to join societies after freshers fair is fucking hard.

This may sound harsh - forget remembering the 'good old times' they are gone / done/ dusted. Start again - now ! Go to a bar, get chatting with xy n z - build from that . Thinking that you can maybe 'rebuild' your old friend base is pretty naive and will probably end in failure (If they cared about you, you would not need to beg / ask for their friendship). When you have lost your partner, your friends nothing will ever feel the same (it cant) - but if you get out there and do it - you will find new experiences that become the norm? Will it be the same as you experienced with your old friends = no. You cannot simple replace old friend with new friend.

 

[Uncle Robert]

also trying to join societies after freshers fair is fucking hard.

It's easier than you think mate, just give the society a quick email and see what the craic is. Forcing yourself to get out there and meet new people is the way to go. Seems daunting but should help.

 

[dan88]

My ex insists that she needs til after christmas until we can be friends again. Fuck knows why, but that's what she says and she won't budge. Nothing I can do about it. At this point I just want the friendship back, that's all.

I have no idea what I even did to fuck things up with my friends, everyone just got really stubborn and arsey with each other and went into their own little social circles, leaving me out.

I'm not enjoying anything anymore, all the old music, films and books for some reason just aren't doing it for me anymore. I don't get what's wrong with me. I think I need to see a doctor and maybe get some anti-depressants.

also trying to join societies after freshers fair is fucking hard.

Sounds weird that your ex is saying that. I know it's hard, but sometimes your best just moving on. When a woman's decided no, it's usually final.

I know it sounds daft, but you'll be surprised what a good diet and plenty of exercise does for the mind. It makes you feel better about yourself and more confident, which is just whats needed when your down. Take care man

 

[Hangover]

I am in the same situation you are.. have been for about a year, I don't live near a town... I got no liscence... until February 2014, been alone for atleast a year probably more, you gotta learn to cope

I got a job... so atleast that keeps me occupied for 5 days a week, you just gotta learn to cope till things get better

 

[Urbain]

Not sure if anyone saw my drunk posts last night. I'm feeling better this morning but I'm still absolutely stuck as to what to do.

going to re-post what I put last night

before and during the summer, everything was fine. Had a solid group of best mates who I hung out with a few times a week, a lovley girlfriend who I always had a right laugh with.

Then, about October time, a month or so after uni began again, everything started to fall apart at once. One of my best mates got arsey with the other, stopped going on nights out and just stayed in with his girlfriend all the time. My other best mate started to hang around with his new house mates more, and stopped inviting me round as much, sometimes making up bullshit excuses, and also got whipped by his controlling girlfriend. Then another good friend dropped out of uni and went home halfway across the country. Everyone else picked sides and I sort of ended up getting fucked over by both. And then my girlfriend left me last month and isn't talking to me at all.

They say that bad things happen in three's, and in this case my whole life seems to have fallen apart over the course of a few months. struggling to catch up with uni work too.

I'll give it a chance. Atm I'm looking forward to January the 10th, when I think enough time will have passed to at least try and re-establish a friendship with my ex. But I'm not feeling it. I'm going to give myself til summer, and if things haven't improved then I'm done. I felt a lot better having spoken to a counselor today, but it's not enough.

This probably sounds really pathetic on paper, and I know other people go through far worse than this. But I can't stand how it's all happened at once, and how I went from having a pretty decent life to just sitting around in my room alone all the time.

Everything's so fucking fragile man, people underestimate how quickly everything can just go to shit.

I'm doing my best to stay positive, but it's becoming unbearable, I'm beginning to feel like I'm loosing my mind, it's too much to handle at once, going from seeing people all the time to spending fucking weeks in my room alone, having all my old friends ignore my texts, seeing my ex having loads of fun going out all the time, probably seeing other guys now too.

What can I do to get out of this? people say 'make new friends' but I'm in my last term of uni, everyone's already made their friends, my situation feels increasingly more hopeless every day I spend by myself.

Cut anyone out of your life that has a negative impact on you.

Try and decrease drug use, invest in some decent health supplements, a juicer, and exercise as much as possible.

It's a terrible cliche, I know, but it worked, and continues to work for me. You have the power to dig yourself out.

All the best mate. I have no doubt things will get better for you in time.

 

[knock]

I'm doing my best to stay positive, but it's becoming unbearable, I'm beginning to feel like I'm loosing my mind, it's too much to handle at once, going from seeing people all the time to spending fucking weeks in my room alone, having all my old friends ignore my texts, seeing my ex having loads of fun going out all the time, probably seeing other guys now too.

I know it's difficult, but it is bearable. You're a human being, you can adapt to difficult situations. You go through a bit of pain while your brain does some adjusting. You have to give it time and be patient with yourself, that's all. We're not all equally capable of adapting, and some situations are a lot harder than others, but having circles of friends fall apart is quite a common experience amongst people.

What can I do to get out of this? people say 'make new friends' but I'm in my last term of uni, everyone's already made their friends, my situation feels increasingly more hopeless every day I spend by myself.

You're not alone in this, I assure you. Meanwhile, you're young, and you have plenty time to make new friends. Also, "everyone's already made their friends" is just your perception. Firstly, I'll bet hard cash there are other students in your year who are feeling lonely, and I bet they're decent people too. Secondly, those people who aren't lonely haven't made all their friends. They've just made enough that they've stopped doing that active meet-new-friends thing that goes on in a bit of a frenzy when people come together for the first time. It doesn't mean they are not open to you approaching them in a non-creepy way and developing friendships with them. Try it out and surprise yourself! Don't go up to people and say "please be my friend", just start interacting with them in natural ways. They will interact back. That's what people do. You'll have mixed results, but you will have good results amongst them.

 

[StoneHappyMonday]

Nothing is forever mate. Best four words I can offer you. Things change, people change, situations change. You've been offered some good advise from everyone in this thread but I'd particularly (without denigrating anyone else's coz tis all good) point out Bearloves words.

Life's a marathon, not a sprint. And you're only 22. I'm 465 mate, trust me, I know a thing or two.

Don't you remember leaving school at 16? I remember mine (even though it was 449 years ago). I remember the coolest hardest kid at school and how I thought I'd never have a life like him. Well about six months after leaving school I was regularly having sex with the most beautiful girl (something I though could only happen to *him*) while he was the equivalent of the bell boy Sting became/was shown as in the film Quadrophenia.

Nothing is forever. You will survive. And prosper.

But yeah, get out of the suburbs. They ARE shit.

 

[hexagram]

Sounds weird that your ex is saying that. I know it's hard, but sometimes your best just moving on. When a woman's decided no, it's usually final.

I know it sounds daft, but you'll be surprised what a good diet and plenty of exercise does for the mind. It makes you feel better about yourself and more confident, which is just whats needed when your down. Take care man

I think shes saying it because she knows that we have a connection and do get on really well, and does still want to be friends. But she doesn't want a relationship anymore, apparently she doesn't want one for a while and just wants to be single.

she's probably seeing other guys though, even if she's not in a relationship with them. Idk, she's being very headfucky, but we did get on very well and she does know and understand that.

and she always agreed with me that it's a shame that people often aren't friends after relationships.

but I think i'm getting too hopefull about it to be honest. I would like to still be friends with her, I really really would, but I don't think she'll put the effort in once her feelings for me fade fully and she's seeing other guys.

 

[Dark Side]

My ex insists that she needs til after christmas until we can be friends again. Fuck knows why, but that's what she says and she won't budge. Nothing I can do about it. At this point I just want the friendship back, that's all.

I have no idea what I even did to fuck things up with my friends, everyone just got really stubborn and arsey with each other and went into their own little social circles, leaving me out.

I'm not enjoying anything anymore, all the old music, films and books for some reason just aren't doing it for me anymore. I don't get what's wrong with me. I think I need to see a doctor and maybe get some anti-depressants.

also trying to join societies after freshers fair is fucking hard.

You know i used to have a close group of friends and they have all moved on now, just life mate. Im stuck on my own nowadays where im at atm the only person i really keep in contact with is my best mate by phone. Chemical relationships bud there bull shit

 

[hexagram]

that's what I mean though, if life means being alone and just accepting that then I think (as dramatic as it sounds) i'd rather just pack myself in.

Maybe my other friends will end up as alone as me one day though. Their relationships will break down like mine did and their uni friends will have gone home. And then they'll regret cutting me off, and they'll know how it feels to be as alone as me.

 

[Dark Side]

Are you really depressed though and not just down because there is a HUGE difference.

when i was depressed i wasn't on a forum making threads, i was in bed hoping i would fall asleep and never wake up again. End of

 

[hexagram]

well I'm not sure if I am depressed or not to be honest, that's what I need to speak to the doctor about, however the uni counseller seemed to think I had some level of clinical depression. These past few weeks I've been feeling how you described, total lack of interest in anything I used to do, even music, which has never happened to me before. And yeah the happiest I've felt is when I've been fantasizing/ thinking about suicide.

 

[EP158207]

Are you really depressed though and not just down because there is a HUGE difference.

when i was depressed i wasn't on a forum making threads, i was in bed hoping i would fall asleep and never wake up again. End of

Not helpful.


Listen, OP if you feel like you want to pack it in and feel really bad, reach out to someone. you are at uni, there are departments dedicated to student services and its not just all about careers its also for students who are having problems. Please look into it.

What you are going through is normal, your group of mates falling out, you being in the middle was all out of your control...and I think that has made you feel a little helpless. Add to that the stuff with your ex, and I can see that you might be feeling quite awful.

I advice you to get some help, I know in the UK the NHS is a bit shit when it comes to mental health but your uni will be great help. Then take on the advice of the poster who said don't think about the past, and to just get out there and meet new people. you are at UNI, the BEST place to do this!!! Join clubs, join the gym, damn...even craigslist has people! (be safe!)

 

[Dark Side]

Not helpful.


Listen, OP if you feel like you want to pack it in and feel really bad, reach out to someone. you are at uni, there are departments dedicated to student services and its not just all about careers its also for students who are having problems. Please look into it.

What you are going through is normal, your group of mates falling out, you being in the middle was all out of your control...and I think that has made you feel a little helpless. Add to that the stuff with your ex, and I can see that you might be feeling quite awful.

I advice you to get some help, I know in the UK the NHS is a bit shit when it comes to mental health but your uni will be great help. Then take on the advice of the poster who said don't think about the past, and to just get out there and meet new people. you are at UNI, the BEST place to do this!!! Join clubs, join the gym, damn...even craigslist has people! (be safe!)

I disagree because Depression isnt an emotion what so ever its an illness. And if you are depressed you don't need a doctor to tell you are.

 

[knock]

I disagree because Depression isnt an emotion what so ever its an illness. And if you are depressed you don't need a doctor to tell you are.

In the English language words have more than one meaning, they have spectrums of meaning. The word "depression" has many meanings. The psychiatric industry has given it a certain definition, it's a few decades old. So am I. The world and the English language are a hell of a lot older.

Depression is a state of low mood and aversion to activity that can affect a person's thoughts, behavior, feelings and sense of well-being.[1] Depressed people feel sad, anxious, empty, hopeless, worried, helpless, worthless, guilty, irritable, hurt, or restless

A state of low mood and aversion to activity. Sounds extremely appropriate in this case.