stuck dont know which way to go

[Dr.kush]

I have almost a week clean, i relapsed last week on coke. But i want to be clean i do. But i still feel shitty i just wish i can have good things i have in my life right now, like MMA, easy school. But i find no point if i still feel depressed everyday. I just want to be able to use, but do you think a hardcore H addict can you use in moderation? like with e and weed and stuff. I look at everything in my life its sad and overwhelming. Your high school are suppose to be the best but they were the worst for me, at 15 i was slamming H daily. I felt "happy" but i was miserable i just want that 30 escape you get, where nothing matters. I know im saying oh poor me. But it just feels hopeless to me, i only kissed a girl 2 times in my whole life nd im 16. I just feel so ashamed of myself, the only thing i have to show of my high school years is how to cook a shot and find a vein.

Have any of you experiences like this? Cause i just dont know what to do. I want to be in the Army and have a good happy life, but it feels like i cant do anything without drugs. I might just be one of those people who die from drugs to be an example of why not to do them. idk what are your experiences?

 

[theartofwar]

you're 16 ? Highschool was brutally difficult man, I was shipped around to 3 different schools due to drug use - I was I guess "popular" in each one but I felt completely socially incapable of fitting in. Nothing made any sense but everything seemed incredibly important. Feeling happy is temporary , so is pain / sadness - having peace in life is what I would aim for bro. I came out of highschool and stumbled through a couple years of college shootin everyday.. I eventually dropped out and went on first suboxone (relapsed) then methadone (left).
Have you done a detox stint ? Spring break is around the corner and I would strongly recommend you check in for a few days, let yourself get cleared out and then when you are out immediately talk with a recruiter - I went through the army process and I can show you links to help with ASVABS and any questions you may have. I think for people like us with addiction having an all or nothing scenario where you are physically challenged is not a bad deal at all - try to set that goal and go for it man.

 

[AbleAndWilling]

Sorry never been addicted to anything. I got decent grades, only had a couple of people to talk to, but never had to redo a class. Really liked using something, pot daily, just never had access to something so strong(Thank god for the prairies). I have never had any kind of intimate relationship with anyone, never held a hand, hugged, ect., and I'm nearly 20, which turns into massive trust issues with everything.

But none the less I persevere. I figure its just how things happened, and lets face it the relationship thing can't be my choice alone. Maybe I don't play ball, literally or figuratively, maybe I am overly needy, maybe I am personally unappealing or socially inept, maybe its all a joke and none of means anything; I don't know and no one cares to tell me.

I am lonely often, and sometimes its terrifying, but there is nothing better than owning yourself.

I wouldn't have it anyother way.

ANW

 

[Dr.kush]

well i have 4 months clean from H, already went through a detox for 30 days in November. Then i went to a residential treatment center for 3 months. I got out 2 weeks ago. Relapsed last week Iv'ing Coke. Im considering going out again. But really want to go in the Army but i just love being high...

 

[Moredopamine]

Don't feel bad, I'm 19 and have never kissed a girl.

Desperation is the raw material needed for dramatic change, right? You're so young that even if you're gotten yourself into this shithole, you can still get yourself out and live a pretty decent life. It could be much worse.