Struggling

[SineWaveSoldier]

So I've really went through some trying times in the past few months. Scarce work, moving around, and just being broke.
I don't and will not have a license anytime soon, and I have a criminal record. So getting a job has been difficult.
A couple weeks ago I got a job off craigslist that paid alright; I was commuting by bus like 4-5 hrs a day. I also work very hard and always have. My boss ended up fucking me out of like 250 dollars on my check and still trying to get me to do work for him.
I have an interview tomorrow, and have had at least one or 2 interviews a week lately. All I need is a shot and to get my foot in the door. My record and lack of a drivers license is really hindering this.

Despite all of this I have really been trying to stay positive. I'm bipolar and go through periods of deep depression. I'm on the verge of homelessness right now and my faith is really being tested.
Thats the thing too I do have faith. Its just waning; and I feel the depression coming on. If I end up on the streets, or close to being on the streets, I don't know if I can continue.
I don't want to die, especially not by my own hands, but shits getting serious. I'm so broke its not funny. I want to work so bad too thats the shitty part. I was in recovery for a hot minute and although I'm not living my life perfectly I'm not totally out of control. I don't steal and fuck people over and thats whats fucking with me. All I want is to work and live... All I want is to make it.

Pray for me yall. Please.

 

[ugly]

You are not alone.

I hope you find a job you like, that pays a decent wage.

I haven't, so maybe hoping YOU do will bring me something good.

You are already making it. Remember this. You are going through a freaking miserable time, aren't you? And you are still putting one foot in front of the other, slowly but surely. That is awesome and you need to give yourself a pat on the back just for handling all this crap.

I'm having similar problems and it just seems to be never-ending wall to wall bullsht. I can't catch a break.

But I'll get up in the morning and go. I'll be gone all day. I'm trying to find work. I'd like to stop the foreclosure. I'd like to taste steak again.

There might be a foreclosure and I might live like a gypsy in my car and eat a lot of cereal. I ask God to help me but my faith is at an all time low. It's hard to expect help after you've been expecting something good to come along for SO LONG that you've started thinking the good times are gone forever, am I right?

Even if the good times are all gone, I'll keep going if you will.

 

[SineWaveSoldier]

You are not alone.

I hope you find a job you like, that pays a decent wage.

I haven't, so maybe hoping YOU do will bring me something good.

You are already making it. Remember this. You are going through a freaking miserable time, aren't you? And you are still putting one foot in front of the other, slowly but surely. That is awesome and you need to give yourself a pat on the back just for handling all this crap.

I'm having similar problems and it just seems to be never-ending wall to wall bullsht. I can't catch a break.

But I'll get up in the morning and go. I'll be gone all day. I'm trying to find work. I'd like to stop the foreclosure. I'd like to taste steak again.

There might be a foreclosure and I might live like a gypsy in my car and eat a lot of cereal. I ask God to help me but my faith is at an all time low. It's hard to expect help after you've been expecting something good to come along for SO LONG that you've started thinking the good times are gone forever, am I right?

Even if the good times are all gone, I'll keep going if you will.

Amen. Thank you. I hear ya on the steak I'm a ramen chef lol
Bad times can't last forever.
Its times like this that I guess we have to be thankful that we're alive at the very least. I have buried so many friends and at times I need to remind myself that every breath i take is one more that they were unable to.

A good friend of mine shares a birthday with me. Well shared. He passed away in 2002, having never seen his 21st. I never thought I would make it to 30 and its happening soon. That might be it too. I mentioned my bday in another thread.
I'm about to turn 30 and currently have nothing to show for it. I've lost so many cars,apts, jobs....
But it would be selfish of me to give up, put my family and friends through the same shit that I hold in the back of my head for those guys that I miss soo much.

Thank you for the reply, and i'm sorry for your hardships. We'll make it, don't lose your faith either. I'll hold onto mine. There's someone looking over us all. I promise :D

 

[grumpygrouse]

Life usually works like that - all the best parts are hidden between shitty parts.

And I wanted to remind both of you that sometimes it's totally okay to NOT try to stay positive and think good thoughts - it's okay, if you take some time and just vent. Because this is bullshit and fucking exhausting and you are allowed to get it out of your system once in a while.

Stay strong! I don't believe in god but I do believe we all deserve awesomeness and it will happen.

 

[Sepher]

Hey man, sorry things have been tough. The job thing sucks. Damn! Fingers crossed for you on the interview, I have every confidence in you.

Don't really have anything constructive to offer, but can relate to the turning 30 with nothing to show. I'm 43 mate rebuilding from scratch again and making up ground lost these last few years but just gotta keep plugging away. I know that's hard when you feel like the breaks are going against you and you feel depression setting in. Hope you catch a break here but keep the positivity whatever happens. You'll come through no matter how testing things get so long as you don't just give up. So long as you keep on trying you're winning. That's about it, but you put some positive vibes about the place lately SWS, wanted to at least send you some back. Good luck again tomorrow.

 

[opium]

i dont even believe in god, but i will pray for you man. Drugs have gotten me kicked out of my house idk how many times. You dont realize how it is out there, until you are out there. Sleeping on sidewalks and shit.
Seems like you finally got your shit together but nobody will give you a chance..That blows.
Hopefully one of those interviews work out, if not, good looks on the next week. You got it.
And you replied to my post when you said 30 haha November 13th, im the 4th. scorpios brother. We got that drive in us, that flame that isnt going fucking anywhere.

Keep your head up, and let us know how the interviews go

 

[SineWaveSoldier]

Yeah I got the scorpion tatted on my forearm.
Yeah yall know where I'm coming from. I was making 40k about to be 65k in a corporate job when I was 26;
Then I started catching charges, changed professions (was forced to I mean), did some time.
I've lived in 10 cities in the past 10 years, at least. I have my 2 home bases one of which I'm back at now.
And fuck it I am a soldier. I'm resiliant. This shit ain't gonna kill me and I'm gonna prosper.

The journey of which has been hellish. I've weathered most of the storm just gotta keep at it.

 

[T. Calderone]

SWS, my situation is similiar and I don't see a way out. Need more than 700 dollars to pay fines in order to get my license back. All over one time over a year ago when I got stopped for speeding. The tag was ten days past the date of renewal and they gave me two fines for that- one for the expired tag and another for not having current registration which is essentially the same thing I believe. But it's my fault I didn't take care of it, I just didn't have an extra 490 bucks to pay it. Now it's accrued late fees and penalties plus another fee to get my license reinstated. I feel like the biggest loser.

I need to have my stepson drive me to the store or wherever I need to go. If it's close enough I just walk. Finding a job is a challenge. I don't have felony convictions but jailed for misdemeanor shit and that's on my record. I can't even get hired as an unarmed security guard because of my mental health background. (I have bipolar-schizoaffective disorder) No wonder why nobody's calling me for interviews.

I've applied for disability and the attorney told me it's best not to work. I got approved for a pell grant to go back to school and hoped job training in another field would help turn my life around. I hate not being employed and being broke all the time. Even stupid K-Mart requires a bachelor's degree to work a stock shelve job. I thought this must be a mistake and I called them to check the status of my application. The HR woman told me they had more than 2,000 applicants. This is just our pathetic economy nowadays.

I've all but given up. Hey we all got birthdays in November man, mine's the 20th. I'm not feeling like the soaring eagle I should be. More like the lizard burying himself into the sand. I hate when my dad tells me I don't pray enough. Maybe I don't but I have some faith left...

 

[SineWaveSoldier]

I'm sorry if I bring up faith or god around yall who aren't there.
I applied for disability too, i couldn't wait for it to kick in and it would have drawn from my nice cushy corporate job. Instead I took a minimum wage job and fucked myself.
If I'm clean I can keep a job but I didn't just try to steal that disability. I'm in and out of pych wards, rehabs, and jail over the past 4 years. But like I said despite all that I believe I'm going to weather the storm.
Christ if only till the next one comes lol

 

[T. Calderone]

We gotta keep going, and keep positive thoughts. It's so hard sometimes to focus on what's really important. For me, it's my son and I'm hopeful he will get released from the juvenile detention within the next couple days. Drunk and stupid is not what I want him to see anymore. I've been to meetings when I can get a ride there.
So, when you got a job, it wrecked your disability case? I guess that lawyer was right. I havn't worked "on the books" since 2009. But it could take more than a year before I get a hearing even. I can't live like this, I have to get some type of job in the meantime.

I've been in and out of rehab, psych wards and jail too. It's gone on since the late 70's so yeah I'm too old for this shit. I held a state job for more than 23 years and was addicted to prescription pain meds. Things spun out of control for me and lost that job 3 years ago. I never imagined my life would end up like this either. I got off all the drugs but still struggling with drinking but numbing myself isn't working. I'm hating life right now

 

[SineWaveSoldier]

They base that disability out of the last full quarter you worked if im not mistaken.
I mean the fucking state psychiatrist said he didn't think at that point i could hold gainful long term employment.
Its all good though I'm too young for that shit If I keep my ass out of trouble i can hold a job I'm a lot more stable then i was 3 years ago.
Oh so then i move to a fucking state that doesn't give assistance to felons, where i came from u apply for disability you get medicaid.
I seriously want to know what the fucks up with Obamacare? Is this fucking country gonna give us healthcare we deserve.
Fucking lobbyists, medical fucking empires.... Grrr I don't even wanna go there ya know.

 

[T. Calderone]

Ohh, so that's why the lawyer wanted to know if I'd been incarcerated. I must live in one of them states dammit.
My son gets free medicaid because he's a minor. But mine is "medically needy" and have to make a co-pay every month of 686 dollars or something like that before it kicks in. Yeah so if I could afford that, I would be going to the doctor and getting treatment I need. I don't know how they come up with that figure because I'm unemployed but get child support. Well, that's for the kid, rent and bills. Fucked up huh? The Obamacare doesn't apply to people like me. Another 4 years of this bullshit!