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Struggling with the amount of casual partners my mate had

You need to just get over it. If it really bothers you that much, then she can do better than someone who is judging her. And someone who is considering cheating on her (how else are you going to increase your number of sex partners, like you are considering)???!!??

I have been with two guys my entire life. My partner has been with probably like 30 females. So what? I am not worried about that at all. He's not cheating on me, I'm not cheating on him. So what's the big deal about things that happened in our pasts? Neither of us are exactly prudes though, we are quite non-judgemental and open and all that, so that may be different than your situation.
 
Do you still check in here and read this? How are things going?

If you really just can't get over it, there's no point in being miserable. I'm not one for forcing relationships to work. There are millions of people out there, which means millions of possible experiences and outcomes. Love will make you do things that you know aren't logical, though. Which can be looked at both ways here. It's not logical to dislike someone's past and then hold it against them IF they aren't the same person anymore. We all have things in our past we wish we could erase and know it could ruin chances with partners if they knew of it.

This chick may actually be a keeper if she hasn't already immediately left you if you are giving her a hard time about her passed sex life. Back when I was a teen, I wouldn't be with anyone who had more partners than me. And I still haven't been with more than maybe 12 partners (I'm around 30 yrs old), but only out of fear of STD's. Got chlamydia when I was 18, lol, and totally changed my view on the whole sex with anyone idea. Luckily two antibiotics get rid of that. I have a phobia now, I believe, and haven't been with anyone in probably 10 months or so. Whenever I am with someone, I freak out for 3+ months, waiting for something to pop up or happen, dealing with an STD I may have acquired.

All that matters, really, is if the partner is loyal. If she has regrets about her past, try and make her not worry so much about it so she doesn't go out and do it again in a self defiling type of way. Like, "Well, this is what got me here, who cares now? Might as well go all out". I dunno, I've been there on some things.
 
You all are awesome, I really mean it. This online tool has really helped me lots. Listen I just had an "episode" when lots of crazy stuff started coming out after we've already been married for a while. My wife is a different person, she now knows she got used and abused literally due to some of her earlier past. I've been finding out the emotionally, physically and sexually abused women tend to do irrational things such as sleeping with a stranger or young kid, kill the pain with alcohol and get absolutely NOTHING out of any of that with the exception of more damage. After you've been forced, punched, kicked, slapped, emotionally abused and sexually abused I can see why the brain isn't really processing then again someone on here helped me see "me" and what I may have done in my past. Yes her number is bigger but I was also married for a longer stretch of time. Each one of you should feel proud of commenting because you really helped someone more than you know. Thanks!
 
Think of it like this. She's already been there done that meaning she probably has no desire for anything else. That means she probably won't cheat. Try to find the positive in everything man and don't sweat stuff you can't change.
 
Don't get me wrong she's been around the block, but that's not a big deal for a woman in her 30's. You're either overreacting or are just sensitive about this
 
snapsy said:
Differing from the OP's scenario this girl slept with people I personally knew prior to me, and I just couldn't shake the idea of others reminiscing of their sexual experience with her, especially when I was in their company. I'm pretty sure it was my immaturity and facets of jealousy that finally convinced me to end it.

In retrospect I regret ending it on those terms, when I should really just have gotten over it and cherished what I had. If someone is special enough for you genuinely love then look to the future and think about what you can build with them, not the shit in the past.
Click to expand...
Yep, that was rather immature... Do you really think people do that all the time "Sure you fucking her today, but I fucked her years ago - I know what her pussy looks like"? When it comes to my EX's (FWB / dated / girlfriend, etc) who I know today, I don't or I rarely think about our sexual past. That relationship is long gone. I'm friends with most women I've been with or at least on good terms. And I never thought of their current BF's "haha I fuked her first!". But hey, some people never grow out of that stuff.
 
Freaksh0w said:
Back when I was a teen, I wouldn't be with anyone who had more partners than me. And I still haven't been with more than maybe 12 partners (I'm around 30 yrs old), but only out of fear of STD's. Got chlamydia when I was 18, lol, and totally changed my view on the whole sex with anyone idea. Luckily two antibiotics get rid of that. I have a phobia now, I believe, and haven't been with anyone in probably 10 months or so. Whenever I am with someone, I freak out for 3+ months, waiting for something to pop up or happen, dealing with an STD I may have acquired.
Click to expand...
You can get an STD the first time you have sex, you can have sex with 1000 people and not get anything.

I too, got chlamydia in my early 20s with a girl I was dating - she was 20. And *I* was wearing a condom. Man, that shit burned. But she got 3 STDs and a pregnancy from another guy she saw, when we're on/off etc. I'm in my 40s. I think I might have gotten chlamydia a 6 years ago, Not sure - really. As I got tested every 6 months before I was married - a few times I had "thought" I caught something, and it was only a UTI. Before marriage, my number was 140 or so. A friend of mine is in the upper 700s... he's only caught chlamydia once or twice. The shit to be concerned with is HIV/AIDS and Herpes. Everything else is easy to prevent / cure, etc.

Since we're a swinging couple, we usually play with others about once every month or two.

If you catch an STD, you usually know in 1~3 days. Use a condom, be safe.
 
She's said herself that she was using sex to satisfy some empty part of herself. She opened up to you about something that it sounds like she's ashamed of, and you've chosen to be judgemental about it.

That's not cool.

You need to examine where your discomfort is coming from. Do you feel inadequate next to her number? Are you afraid she's going to cheat on you? Your discomfort is coming from somewhere, and it needs to be addressed before it becomes toxic to the relationship.

Most of all, you need to remember that she fucked around, but has made the choice to be with you.
 
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