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struggling with sobriety

O

OhCrap

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 6, 2012
Messages
61
Well I'm going on 3 weeks clean cold turkey off a daily 400mg tramadol habit and struggling. The anxiety is still real bad at times and I almost had a relapse yesterday. The only thing that saved me was my dealer didn't answer his phone long enough for me to get a second thought about it. I have a pretty high stress job and thats not helpomg. I did start my ssris again but go figure i have a hard time remembering to take them. I sure as hell never forgot to take my fucking tramadol a day ever. Sorry for the language, just feeling frustrated ,i often find myself hoping in the midst of a panic attack I wish this one would just kill me.
 
You are still in the beginning stages of recovery, and I wouldn't imagine it to be very easy for you right now considering you just got off cold turkey. But why are you quitting? I'd imagine because you want to improve your life and be happy. So work for it. Remember that you will experience pain throughout this, and your willpower will deteriorate and challenge you, trying to give you a good reason to relapse. Just stick with it, and start taking the steps for a better life. Do things you don't normally do, improve things about yourself, do things that you never had the opportunity to do because you'd be high. I wish you the best of luck in quitting <3
 
You're right, I want to better my life. This is just really really hard... I expected the physical wd to be the worst part but I was sadly mistaken. Thinking of outting myself and going to some meetings, I've kept this a secret from everyone in my life...
 
Hey man, I totally understand how you are feeling. The physical part of heroin was the easy part for me, it was life that became real tough. The thing is just because you are clean life doesn't stop, it keeps on going wihtout the crutch you used to have for your emotions. I've found the only thing that saves me is having legit hobbies to put my time into. Do you like working out ? The gym is a great outlet when you are early in recovery (and obviously good for you in general); if thats not your thing maybe try and find something to do outside. Best of luck.
 
It's normal for you to feel like this. Recovery takes time, and a few weeks are not enough, but you have to believe if will get better eventually. Think of how much better it already is compared to the first few days - it can only go uphill from here. Just hang in there for a little longer and in the future you'll be so, so happy you made this choice. You've done a really good job staying clean this far already and I'm sure you can keep it up. :)
 
Thanks guys it's always really encouraging and uplifting to come here and read these posts. The weekends seem to be really hard for me, I guess because during the week I have work to keep me busy. My life has gotten a million times better since getting off tramadol, I just hope soon I can actually enjoy it!
 
i came to the realization was that it wasn't sobriety that i struggled with so much, it was occupying my time with activity. the more stuff i have to do in general, the less i think about getting wasted. lately i haven't felt like i have had much to occupy my time, and that's where i start craving some kind of high.
 
That's a good way to put it, honestly. I just need some kind of high... always. Weird....the stuff you learn about yourself on bluelight lol
 
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