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Struggling with sobriety

Hector

Hector

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 1, 2004
Messages
309
Location
London
I don't know how to crack it. I'm an active member of NA, I have a sponsor and I attend meetings regularly. I've had periods of being clean but they never seem to last because I generally begin to feel just as unhappy as when I was using. I expected things would change in recovery, that I would become a different person, begin to feel comfortable in my own skin and learn to accept myself warts and all. That hasn't been the case and at times i've become despondent and relapsed. Tonight for example, I've caved in and got high. I couldn't face another Saturday night alone at home. I don't have any friends, people I can go out and socialise with and I can't deal with that. I have people in NA I can talk to but none of them seem willing to do anything with me outside of the fellowship. I've also tried taking up new hobbies and making friends that way but haven't had any luck with that either. I'm not sure I believe that things will ever change and I feel completely hopeless. I don't want to give up and give in but maybe i'm one of those people who is destined to be alone. I just don't know anymore. :(
 
What you really need to think about is, what is missing in your life that makes you want to fill it with drugs? Are there deep seated reasons for your use like your mental health, or are you not doing activities that leave you fulfilled, bad job, no job, hobbies etc.

If you find things that you enjoy and make you feel accomplished and general well being, the need to use drugs will be there less and less.

If it is a psychological problem then a combo of meds and therapy could be the key.

What do you think?
 
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Not having any friends is what is missing. I don't have a social life and it's making me miserable.

I started using because of my social anxiety and depression, the drugs seemed to help.
I still get socially anxious and I think that's part of the problem. I've gone down the CBT route and I have made progess, for example I'm volunteering, getting to meetings most nights and exercising. I don't really have many hobbies which I suppose isn't helping. I did take up climbing a few months back but the guys I went with stopped contacting me. Didn't do my confidence much good so i've been reluctant to try new things.
 
Well, why not try self help CBT books, meditation, get to your dr for some help with your anxiety then try new hobbies. Make a plan the night before of something that you are going to do the next day say I dunno go o the library, borrow a book and then read it somewhere like a coffee shop. Then the next day, go to your local sports centre and see what classes they offer, take a college course, anything where you will meet new people with similar interests.
 
It takes a long time before the desire to use is not so overwhelming that you can't resist it by yourself. Until that day comes, attend meetings, use your NA sponsor and try to solve your problems without using. It sounds like you need some friends. Join a club, take a class, do some volunteer work, go to the gym. Do anything that will get you out and meeting new people who are doing something other than using. If you keep doing all the right things, your life is going to get better. Good luck to you!
 
The things you are talking about are still hard whether you are sober or not. Taking drugs out of your life will make it easier to approach these universal problems in a healthy way but it will by no means make them go away. Many of the people that don't contact you are probably going through the same thing as you. We have an epidemic of isolation in western modern culture. The best thing that you can do is to keep doing what you are doing. Use the tools that CBT gave you. There are no magic bullets for this stuff but the good news is that time, maturity and effort all conspire to make it get easier to deal with. I was suicidal and extremely lonely when I was young. Years later, I have made peace with the fact that life includes loneliness--with people or without them. It does take time and effort to make real friendships. It doesn't happen overnight and it often can feel like a club that everyone else but you has the key to. Truth is none of us has the key or we are the club and the key. Something like that. This will get easier but a paradox about loneliness that I have experienced is that when I run from it it bears down harder and catches me every time. When I turn around and embrace it, it gets bored and leaves me alone.:)

I am not a religious person at all but I have started going to a local Buddhist meditation Center near me because I find the guided meditation very helpful. It might be something you want to try.

Keep fighting any urge to go back to using for relief. You sound like that is pretty under control; you want to make sure you don't have to deal with relapse remorse on top of all the other things you are struggling with.<3
 
i lost all my true friends to drugs but you can always make new friends but who am i to talk i get high every chance i have
 
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