Well, I didn’t think I’d be writing these words out. But am I being emotionally/mentally abused? I have to share my location with my s/o. That’s to make sure I don’t buy anymore drugs. I can’t go out with friends to bars, restaurants, concerts, or other venues where drugs are consumed. Again, to make sure I don’t buy drugs. I also can’t really hang out with friends in general unless they come over to my apartment (with my boyfriend there). I’ve never cheated. Never gotten close to cheating. Nothing flirtatious. I hardly see my mom or my aunt anymore because he can’t take me to see them. I’ve had to leave jobs because he wasn’t comfortable with me working there or he didn’t like the hours or the pay or how far away it was. I don’t know what to do. Or to think.
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SLR Moderators: M!$TER-ED
Trigger Warning Struggling with a maybe emotionally abusive relationship?
- Thread starter Floeyoeyo
- Start date
CavernsoftheMind
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 28, 2024
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- 262
Sounds like you are being abused, yes.
Him cutting you of from your friends & family is a classic sign.
Are their safe houses for women around you? Or places that can help in such situations?
Better search up some numbers if shit gets too bad & you need help.
Why wouldn't he allow you to go to your mom? That obviously has nothing to do with drugs.
Him cutting you of from your friends & family is a classic sign.
Are their safe houses for women around you? Or places that can help in such situations?
Better search up some numbers if shit gets too bad & you need help.
Why wouldn't he allow you to go to your mom? That obviously has nothing to do with drugs.
He just doesn’t want me to go see her without him. He doesn’t trust that I’m not saying I’m visiting her and Im not actually going to buy drugs. I literally use once every few months.
They're your significant other, but you "have" to share that space. Would you rather not? If so, sounds very difficult.
How did this situation develop?
The controlling of your job hours / pay / location seems like it would be holding you back. I think an important question to ask yourself is "is he holding me back from developing / flourishing" or "is this control actually helping me become a better person".
How did this situation develop?
The controlling of your job hours / pay / location seems like it would be holding you back. I think an important question to ask yourself is "is he holding me back from developing / flourishing" or "is this control actually helping me become a better person".
lost weekend
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 9, 2023
- Messages
- 1,643
I think it's a male thing ,they always want to keep their partner close mostly because of their own insecurities .I know I can be controlling
towards my wife but only because I love her .I hate it when she has to work late or has a night out with friends because i miss her and will often moan about it . I think I am guilty of being slightly controlling but not to the extent I would stop my wife from doing as she pleases ,I just winge about it lol
towards my wife but only because I love her .I hate it when she has to work late or has a night out with friends because i miss her and will often moan about it . I think I am guilty of being slightly controlling but not to the extent I would stop my wife from doing as she pleases ,I just winge about it lol
There’s been pros and cons. He’s held me back from multiple positions because I would be working in-person. He doesn’t like the field I work in (Human Services/Mental Health/Substance Abuse), as he considers the clients to be dangerous. I lost a really good job because of him. He wants me to work remote. I can’t find much remote work without having a Masters or higher. Gotta pay to get that degree, so I need a job. It’s impossible to reason.
He sounds terrible for you.
Do you (still after graduating) like the field you work in?
That's the important question.
Having an SO that's impossible to reason with sounds.. well, impossible.
I won't tell you what to do or think, that's for you, but perhaps try envisioning your ideal life. Ideal job, ideal home life, ideal partner. See if you can achieve this with him.
I mean partners are hard to find. And sometimes it feels like a job in itself.
But they're not all like that.
The field you work in is pretty selfless, and it sounds like someone somewhat selfish is preventing that from developing. Which honestly, doesn't sit well with me. Not that I have any say in the matter, but idk my advice is to envision what would be your ideal and see if you can make it work at the moment, or perhaps make some changes to help get you there.
Your being abused I think he separating you from lived ones u not done anything wrong he sounds like a cu t and wrong un 34 years I been with my wife I don't know her phone password I don't have to because I trust her I'm a cunt but I never tell my wife who to see or accuse her why because I trust her I'm a cunt not her don't take it
I love my field. So much. People in these populations need the assistance, time, care, and advocacy more than anyone. I believe that a lot of the population is just hurt people still hurting. I also love my boyfriend. I guess I just don’t know… there’s been a lot of pain. But a lot of incredibly great things as well. I will say, yes, I have used cocaine in my time dating him. He hates that. But he will get blackout drunk and see no issue with it. He has a lot of trust issues with the coke use. I get it. I’ve been working on stopping. Haven’t used in months now. But it’s difficult to reconcile that he gets to have nights of fun when I can’t just have my fun too.
Well good job on your sobriety so far..
Consider trying to explain to him how helping others actually helps you and your sobriety. And if you can put it in a kind way without him flipping his lid, how some times he makes it more difficult.
I may even go as far as to tell me specifically your career goals and that you'd like more support and less shaming and guilt and whatever negative things he makes you feel.
He wouldn't control you if he didn't like you obviously, so use that to your advantage to reason with him. He should want the best for you.
Just gotta work on a sales pitch
Omg. A sales pitch. That’s a great way of looking at this/trying to figure out a way to approach a conversation. I don’t want to seem like I’m attacking him or his feelings— they’re valid and he deserves to have them. But so do I? I just need to figure out appropriate ways to communicate these concerns.