Benefit
Bluelighter
I guess I'll start with the first time I saw a man get killed, gunned down in cold blood in front of Pizza Hut, a puddle of blood forming around his head like the blazing crimson halo of some demented angel. Or maybe when I lost my first friend to the hot pop of gunfire or another friend to the cold edge of a knife. What about the first time I filled my lungs with pungent smoke or my nose with white powder?
How many times has my heart been seized in a cold fist and squeezed? How many friends have I lost, reduced from living breathing people to cold flesh on the dirty ground? How many drugs have I put in my body, saturated my brain with? How many abstract ideas have hung in my mind like so many wraiths, remaining lucid indefinable feelings, mere blobs of thought? A thousand. A million. A number can never stand for all the feelings, thoughts, emotions that run deeper, much deeper than any expression. These are things that cannot be put into words. They must be experienced, or they are useless.
It's as artificial as the plastic pillars that Hollywood thrives on. What the fuck is real and what is synthesized and where does the thin line end and where does it begin? Does anyone really know, or are they just fooling themselves, snorting baking soda that they think is cocaine and then begging for more? Who are we really fooling when we talk about God and Heaven? Who are we really fooling with every disease we cure, destroying the natural equilibrium of this planet with every life we prolong? Who are we really fooling?
You wanna hear some funny jokes? How about vomitting 40 ounces of golden pride into the toilet every Sunday morning, then getting up and doing it again next week. Or putting all kinds of chemicals up your nose and into your brain, in your veins and bloodstream altering perception and reality. Getting drunk and smoking opium while watching the Sunday Morning Sports Report at three o’clock in the morning with an 87 year old grandma. This one's really funny: paying thirty or forty dollars for a shirt because of a name on the label. Saying the word ‘fuck’ is vulgar and banning its use but not being able to explain why. Labeling private parts indecent when everyone has them. 18-year-old kids that can’t read or write.
Here's the clincher though: starting school when you’re 5, finishing when you’re 25, working until your 65, living for another 5 years as your body deteriorates and your world crumbles around you until you are finally buried in the ground and eaten by worms, claiming the whole time that your life had purpose. I guess it could be said that life is the biggest joke of all, and death the cruel punchline.
But like it or not, this is life.
Deal with it.
How many times has my heart been seized in a cold fist and squeezed? How many friends have I lost, reduced from living breathing people to cold flesh on the dirty ground? How many drugs have I put in my body, saturated my brain with? How many abstract ideas have hung in my mind like so many wraiths, remaining lucid indefinable feelings, mere blobs of thought? A thousand. A million. A number can never stand for all the feelings, thoughts, emotions that run deeper, much deeper than any expression. These are things that cannot be put into words. They must be experienced, or they are useless.
It's as artificial as the plastic pillars that Hollywood thrives on. What the fuck is real and what is synthesized and where does the thin line end and where does it begin? Does anyone really know, or are they just fooling themselves, snorting baking soda that they think is cocaine and then begging for more? Who are we really fooling when we talk about God and Heaven? Who are we really fooling with every disease we cure, destroying the natural equilibrium of this planet with every life we prolong? Who are we really fooling?
You wanna hear some funny jokes? How about vomitting 40 ounces of golden pride into the toilet every Sunday morning, then getting up and doing it again next week. Or putting all kinds of chemicals up your nose and into your brain, in your veins and bloodstream altering perception and reality. Getting drunk and smoking opium while watching the Sunday Morning Sports Report at three o’clock in the morning with an 87 year old grandma. This one's really funny: paying thirty or forty dollars for a shirt because of a name on the label. Saying the word ‘fuck’ is vulgar and banning its use but not being able to explain why. Labeling private parts indecent when everyone has them. 18-year-old kids that can’t read or write.
Here's the clincher though: starting school when you’re 5, finishing when you’re 25, working until your 65, living for another 5 years as your body deteriorates and your world crumbles around you until you are finally buried in the ground and eaten by worms, claiming the whole time that your life had purpose. I guess it could be said that life is the biggest joke of all, and death the cruel punchline.
But like it or not, this is life.
Deal with it.
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