Strange NDE/Astral Plane Scenario

[Ninae]

I had two of these last night, which was very strange and nothing like I've experienced before, and wondered if anyone have had anything like it.

I've heard people describe the state of withdrawal as "Thinking they were dead but couldn't die". I went into a moderate withdrawal from one weak of moderate opiate and benzo use last morning. I even had some coffee to make it worse as I was expecting some more benzos yesterday, or at least today, but didn't get it. So early last night I started feeling pretty weak and shitty, and at the same time sped up with strong breathing and heart-rate. Similar to a stimulant overdose, like usual benzo withdrawals.

Then I fell asleep but only slept for 4 hours. Still felt tired, so I only stayed up for 2 hours then went to try to sleep again. I wasn't aware of going to sleep, but got into some weird state where I saw myself being attacked by some black guy who I was convinced was some special spiritual being. But he kept pouncing on me, jumping at me from all directions, and screaming in my face freaking me out, and this went on for ages. I would shift between this, then being asleep, then being awake. But would only stay asleep or awake for a second then wake up again, and this just happened over and over, which never happens. Then all the time I would see my field of vision morph in front of me, into different scenarios, and had no control of it.

Then I also noticed there was hardly any volume in my voice when I cried out, and my sense of hearing was going, and I thought ,"I'm losing my grip on reality, I need to get myself to the hospital, my body is breaking down and I'm going crazy." Then I vagueley remember having some thought of taking a Taxi to the hospital, but don't remember getting there. I was just instantly there, or at some place, and was led into another place, which was like some group therapy session room. There were many people sitting around talking, but everyone else seemed calm and sane, unlike me who was going crazy, everything was constantly shifting in front of me and I was freaking out and telling to someone like a civil nurse.

And she was pointing at her head, like telling me to get a grip and start thinking, and I said "Don't tell me to start thinking, I am thinking and underneath I am understanding everything that is going on, I know I am hallucinating, but have no control of it, and am losing control of my organism" (i.e. this was the fucking problem). And underneath it all I was actually very sane, but it was like my brain or body wouldn't allow me to be. Then she just shot me up on the inside of my wrist, and I thought "No, don't drug me", as I didn't want to get shot up with some horrible psychiatric drug they give to crazy people, I was sure it wasn't going to be anything fun. But it was nothing bad, just like a non-euphoric sedative, like a benzo with no sense of well-being, and I could just feel myelf drowse away. Then I suddenly woke up in my bed wide awake and very sane and it was all behind me.

It almost seemed like the shot I was given had calmed me down and made me sane and returned me to life. But I had no memory of coming back, and it had all happened in the space of 5 hours since I fell asleep, so although it might be remotely possible that something happened like that, I didn't believe it. But I spent a long time going through the memory as it was unusually real and strong and nothing like I ever remembered experiencing. But in one and a half hours I shrugged it off and got up and took a shower, then went back to again to rest. Then I soon slipped back to sleep again without being aware of it and found myself in the same place again. It had the same people there. I asked how I had got back home last time and they said I had passed out when I got the shot then had been driven back home and put into bed.

And I thought "Hmm, so it really happened?" Then I sat down to cover myself with some blankets as I was wearing only my underwear and thought "Fuck it, this isn't funny, I don't want to keep being sent back between home and this place, I'd rather just die already." Although this time I was completely sane. Then a senior doctor in a coat who looked more concerned came to talk to me about what happened the last time. I told him, and he asked if I'd seen any white light and I said, "No, just this place". And he said, "So no white light? and I said, "No". Then I woke up back in bed again and thought "Wtf?"

It just wasn't like anything I'd what I've ever experienced. I've never had a dream continue where it left off like that after being awake for hours. The place seemed almost like a waiting room for souls suspended between life and death, because their bodies were close to dying, then when I said no white light it was like they wanted to know if I'd gotten a signal it was time for me to die then when I said I didn't was sent back.

Now I'm pretty confused as I have no way of knowing how close to death my body was and either way I feel sure something unusual was going on in the dream state. I know nothing happened in a physical sense but feel like my reality and consciousness while sleeping was warped in some way and wonder how close to dying I really was. What do you think?

I've thought about it for a while and think maybe my heart almost stopped beating for a moment. I just slipped in and out of sleep so instantly, with no drowsy transference period like normal. I guess also because the stimulant reaction in my body wasn't allowing me to be drowsy so I just suddenly passed out when my body became overwhelmed.

One time I had psychedelic-like experinces during benzo withdrawals before, though i've never done psychedelics, but it feels very much like a stimulant-overdose to me. Last time I was imagining having close conversations with a dead rock star that was advicing me to go to the hospital or I could have a heart-attack. At the time it seemed very real and I felt like I was going psychic, but when I was out of the withdrawal it seemed very remote and nothing I could connect to anymore.

 

[MyDoorsAreOpen]

Vivid, often recurrent nightmares are very common during opiate and (especially) benzo withdrawal. Benzos reduce REM sleep, and when you quit abruptly it comes back with a vengeance. Wouldn't surprise me if this withdrawal effect is a factor in many relapses. After all, what's a quick fix for troubled sleep? Benzos!

I think the content of your nightmares really speaks for itself -- you need to watch your drug use before you get caught in some bad situation you don't want to be in.

 

[RobotRipping]

yeah this is quite common during opiate and benzo withdrawal, especially both at once. See my thread in mental health about night terrors. I constantly experience what you experienced.

and yeah benzo withdrawal does feel like a stim overdose. It can be frightening with the paranoia/psychosis. I have to come to expect that i'll at least almost go psychotic every benzo withdrawal. I just hope i didn't cause myself permanent damage and will have these sleep issues for the rest of my life.

 

[MyDoorsAreOpen]

^ Benzo abuse carries the highest risk for PAWS of any drug class I've seen. I've heard some former long term abusers say their circadian levels of CNS arousal have never been quite normal again, or took a very long time to normalize. They'll complain of feeling unwanted and inappropriate levels of nervousness and "wired" hypervigilance, and alternately lethargy and mental sluggishness, at inappropriate times. I don't usually see benzo abuse alone causing the long-term anomie and anhedonia that opiate PAWS often includes, and most former abusers don't pine for them as bitterly, so I think placing benzos (alone) a tier below opiates in risk for abuse causing long-term harm is warranted. But the long term sequellae of benzo abuse -- typically more neurological than psychological -- are still a very real risk, and most certainly take a toll on quality of life.

Withdrawing from both opiates and benzos at once is truly a world of pain. Ninae, I don't know how long and heavy your habits have been, but if you're serious about quitting opiates and benzos, and the nightmares are literally driving you to the edge of sanity, I highly recommend seeking out a physician who specializes in addiction medicine and mental health, preferably one with experience getting people off benzos. If things get urgent, you'll typically have better luck getting the mental health and detox services you need if you arrive at an ED in a friend's car, rather than a cop car.

Many blessings. Be safe.

 

[Foreigner]

On second thought, I'm moving this to TDS because it has to do with drug withdrawal.

Good luck Ninae!

 

[RobotRipping]

for me opiate PAWS and benzo PAWS share many things but benzo PAWS include all sorts of sensory issues along with DP/DR. I haven't been able to recover from benzo paws, tried quite a few times but the sensory issues (like having a weird feeling similar to that of someone scratching a chalk board in front of you) as well as the DP/DR have not gone away. At least from opiates, i dont' end up feeling insane, just depressed, more physical issues than neurological issues compared to benzos.

anomie is an interesting thing and it's hard for me to tell if drugs cause this or if it's our society or that because of our society, we use drugs and anomie occurs, or whether we are self medicating to deal with the social alienation caused by society itself. I think we've lost our connection to nature and that it's just a matter of time until we evolve and adapt to this new world. Things 200-300 years ago were much different, in such a short time period, things have changed so rapidly for humanity.

 

[Ninae]

I thught this had been deletded. I didn't really mind, as I wrote it at the peak of benzo withdrawal, where I didn't really know what was real and it has screwed up my memory about a lot lot of things. But the next night I had another dream that freaked me out as much and realised it was silly to take it so seriousliy and it's just a dream. I just don't have enough experience with withdrawals from these things yet.

But luckily I have a very manic euphoric, brain and even if during withdrawal I can relate EXACTLY to all the sympthomps, in an insane way, now on the third day with most of it's gone. Even though I don't feel that good as I got too littles sleep last night. My withdrawal level is going down and I don't remember any of last night's dreams. But I should be able to back quite easily if I can find the will to.

Just now my nerves feel pretty shattered and I really could use something to calm me down. I don't really think I'll make it through the week if I get a chance to. Just now they're so connectted to something I really NEED it's hard to say no.

But I don't even much enjoy them. Apart from the (now) enjoyable relief of psychosis and anxiety which I previously had no idea existed. I definetely vanlue not being in that state. I've always kind of laughed at benzo freaks as just nervous wreaks, but it MAKES you a nervous wreak.

It doesn't even matter what you were like before, speed effects or benzo withdrawal just makes you like that. And for those who don't have the ability to repair well I can't even imagine.

 

[Ozekat]

I'm glad I read this, this actually sheds light on what I was experiencing after bingeing on xanax for a week straight.....when It was all said and done, not only could I not remember shit for the past several days but I had the worst feeling of "impending doom" and anxiety.....it truly is a psychotic feeling, like you have damaged your mental health and will never get it back.....but you do.

This just makes me even more wary of benzo's. I learned from my experience though. I really did, I learned that as long as you don't keep eating them like candy and only have a few on hand, don't get a bunch at once, and don't eat them for more than 2 or 3 days in a row.

It REALLY fucking makes me wonder just what exactly benzo's are made out of. I had a theory that one part of the chemical process for benzo's is like departed souls of people, or parts of unborn children that got aborted. (take this with a grain of salt)I'm not trying to have a shock effect by saying that or upset anyone, but I've read that the pharma's companies are reluctant to release how they make or WHAT makes up certain benzo's like alprazolam.

Moderation is crucial with benzo's, is what I learned.....but once you get some, you so easily forget if you ate one or two or 3....and before you know it they're all gone, half you ate, a quarter gave away and the rest lost somewhere lol.

thats how it works for me anyway.

 

[Ninae]

There are many things to mention about it. The worst for me are the andrenaline effect and the INHUMAN way you're made to experience so much fear, aggression, and itrritation in such a short time. For me that makes them number one on the withdrawal list (for those very specific reason, plus, some very scary physical effects.

Normally I don't have much of these feelings, and I can handle, or even enjoy, SOME of them at the same time. But that's still s VERY small amount of what it makes you deal with. No-one would willingly want to put themselves through this kind of hell, where, at a very real point, you're not even sure you're going to come out of it alive.

My cat has been going around looking at me and crying for the last few days because it completely changed my personality and I had no interest in connecting with him or picking him up. I didn't worry about it, as I normally smother him and he's happy to be left in piece, but he kept crying and would just run to his full bowl when I got up so I was scared he was getting scared he was sick. Then today I realised he just wanted to be picked up and be held. He's an animal, so the affection he's been given on previous days means nothing to him now. And going through benzo with drawal I wasn't feeling very affectionate, and the last thing I wanted was to cuddle someone.


I could hardly tolerate the presence of another being, even my cat was a push, and I only just picked up a call from my grandmother to tell me my sister had just given birth). But it managed to take away ALL my natural warmth and humanity, which I didn't particularly like, as it's one of my few real strengths. I could ACT friendly with people though, as it also made me very hard on myelf, and I would watch myself like a hawk, but it had nothing to to with real friendlyness.

It made me realise about this guy who had really impressed me with the way he made a point and went out of his way to be really friendly (plus I also think he was on Exctacy at the time). That he was only being like that because he had some previous very bad experience with being unfriendly, and it was only to avoid creationg a situation of guilt and other unpleasent feelings for himself. I found it impressive, as if it was me those feelings would have been real, as I've never had a need to fake friendliness.

Anyway, its really a wonder if you get out of the situation without seriously screwing up your life in some way. I think it will unavoidably do some damage to your mind in some way and it just depends on how you can deal with it. On the other hand there is something babyish about the whole situation, as it's so short, and when it's over it's over and you can hardly remember why you felt that way. At least now I'm out of the acute withdrawal most of it is gone, I just remember it was really bad (and that I really don't want to go there again).

But anything creating such a need in me is very scary and it tops all negative experiences I've had because of drugs before. It's more than just wanting to avoid suffering. It's the very particular form of suffering involved with it, that I think surpasses what the human organism is created to have to experience. It's really a form of psychological torture to be kept in a fight-or-fight mode for such a long time. It was only designed as a short-term-alarm mechanism. But I guess that's the backside of being in a suspended relaxed state for such a long time.