So my benzo tale starts out in December of 2012 when I acquired 10X 1mg Xanax. I say unintended because I intened to use them for only psych comedowns, but did much the opposite =/.
I had originally acquired them for the purpose of diminishing a frightful trip if I ever had one while chartering the psychonautical seas. Low and behold I was about to find out my own abuse potential with benzos. I took one to initally get comfortable with the effects and wowie, comfortable did I get.
I started to experiment with them after work because they were so relaxing. I took two one time and a friend was over. We went to McDonalds.. Later, I woke up on the couch very relaxed with a chicken finger on my stomach and the sauce on the ground where i had left it. I remembered going to McDonalds and chilling with my friend, but I didnt remeber falling asleep or really anything after McDonalds. I was very comfortable while I was sleeping and just kind of found the whole scenario kind of funny. Food also tasted really good when I was blasted on 1-2mg of xanax so I would eat a TON, like a ridiculous amount and then still be hungry, but everything tasted so good so it was awesome. Im very thin so food binges are no problem @ this point.
When I took benzos I would usuaually do useful things like clean my room or neaten the kitchen or do laundry. Sometimes I would do these things while blacked out which I found kind of frightening, but generally kind of helpful. Like I would do really interesting things - like clean my car, rearrange the silveware to a better drawer, etc. Social Interactions were fun as well, I liked talking to strangers at grocery stores and other random places. Sleep was always very comfortable with benzos. I never had any sleep issuse whatsoever, but just waking up after taking a benzo the night previously - I would feel so nice stretching in bed.
Anyways, I really emjoyed the feeling of benzos and started to recreationaly use them when i had them. I went through maybe 50mg of xanax from Nov 12 through Jan 13. I wasnt a daily user @ this point, just recreationally.
After the new year I was going to be starting a new job and the benzos really helped me out with the anxiety of being around so many new people. but at this point I had acquired multiple types of benzos to switch between. I had Xanax, Etizolam, and Valium. @ this point I still was not a daily user, but I was no becoming aware of just how deep I was getting myself into this benzo world.
@ some point in the summer (maybe july 13) I was taking .5mg of Xanax throughout the workweek day and then sometimes on the weekends recreastionally. I rarely went above 2-3mg when using it recreationally. I took xanax everyday for about 2 weeks then decided I might be getting myself in trouble (even though I probably allready was) and decided I should switch to the valium. I took 10mg valium twice a week and try to bring down the dose every week. within a month I was down to 5MG of Valium when needed (sometimes daily).
Around fall time I thought I was out of the woods with the ole benzos and tried not to take any recreationally for a bit. occasionally maybe once a week I would take a xanax just to feel nice (rec) =/ ), but then later in the week I would counter it with valium because I thought the long halflife would help the potential xanax wd anxiety. I was also taking Etizolam as needed towards the end.
Anyways I kind of went on a small etizolam binge of 10 mg over a week or so. 2-4mg one day then 1mg for the remaing days.
In January I decided to stop using all benzos to see if I would experience any of the terribleness I had read about. I knew I had used/abused benzos decently for a year or so, but I wasnt really sure if I had experienced withdrawal ever within that time. There were times I felt not that great, but nothing that was devastating to my daily life.
I got to two days with no benzos and all of a sudden I just felt terrible. I was watching something on TV and all of a sudden I just couldnt sit still and was bombarded with all of these negative thoughts about how terrible of a person I was. I would replay scenarios in my head of past social interactions and feel that the person now hated me for completely irrational reasons. Everything was just terrible and my thoughts were racing and nothing was comfortable. I decidec to take .5 mg of etizolam to calm me down and surprisingly it worked. I think I experienced --> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agitated_depression
After the .5mg of etizolam I switched back to 5mg valium every 3-4 days or as needed. I took it on that schedule from mid jan to end of January.
That small episode really scared me though, I never had my thoughts hijacked in such a negatively powerful way. It was enough to scare me away fron further benzo abuse. After that I pretty much had really bad anxiety for 2 -3 weeks.
I havnt had any benzo since Jan 29 althought I do have some valium on hand, but have no desire to abuse it.
From Nov 12' - Jan 14' I went through estimated
200mg xanax
30 valium
100mg etizolam.
Its been about 20+ days since I last had .5mg of Valium.
Do I have anything more to expect?? Is whats list above heaby use over a year++??
I feel generally fine now all days now, but I havnt really exerted myself to any intensely stressful situations..
Thanks for reading.
I had originally acquired them for the purpose of diminishing a frightful trip if I ever had one while chartering the psychonautical seas. Low and behold I was about to find out my own abuse potential with benzos. I took one to initally get comfortable with the effects and wowie, comfortable did I get.
I started to experiment with them after work because they were so relaxing. I took two one time and a friend was over. We went to McDonalds.. Later, I woke up on the couch very relaxed with a chicken finger on my stomach and the sauce on the ground where i had left it. I remembered going to McDonalds and chilling with my friend, but I didnt remeber falling asleep or really anything after McDonalds. I was very comfortable while I was sleeping and just kind of found the whole scenario kind of funny. Food also tasted really good when I was blasted on 1-2mg of xanax so I would eat a TON, like a ridiculous amount and then still be hungry, but everything tasted so good so it was awesome. Im very thin so food binges are no problem @ this point.
When I took benzos I would usuaually do useful things like clean my room or neaten the kitchen or do laundry. Sometimes I would do these things while blacked out which I found kind of frightening, but generally kind of helpful. Like I would do really interesting things - like clean my car, rearrange the silveware to a better drawer, etc. Social Interactions were fun as well, I liked talking to strangers at grocery stores and other random places. Sleep was always very comfortable with benzos. I never had any sleep issuse whatsoever, but just waking up after taking a benzo the night previously - I would feel so nice stretching in bed.
Anyways, I really emjoyed the feeling of benzos and started to recreationaly use them when i had them. I went through maybe 50mg of xanax from Nov 12 through Jan 13. I wasnt a daily user @ this point, just recreationally.
After the new year I was going to be starting a new job and the benzos really helped me out with the anxiety of being around so many new people. but at this point I had acquired multiple types of benzos to switch between. I had Xanax, Etizolam, and Valium. @ this point I still was not a daily user, but I was no becoming aware of just how deep I was getting myself into this benzo world.
@ some point in the summer (maybe july 13) I was taking .5mg of Xanax throughout the workweek day and then sometimes on the weekends recreastionally. I rarely went above 2-3mg when using it recreationally. I took xanax everyday for about 2 weeks then decided I might be getting myself in trouble (even though I probably allready was) and decided I should switch to the valium. I took 10mg valium twice a week and try to bring down the dose every week. within a month I was down to 5MG of Valium when needed (sometimes daily).
Around fall time I thought I was out of the woods with the ole benzos and tried not to take any recreationally for a bit. occasionally maybe once a week I would take a xanax just to feel nice (rec) =/ ), but then later in the week I would counter it with valium because I thought the long halflife would help the potential xanax wd anxiety. I was also taking Etizolam as needed towards the end.
Anyways I kind of went on a small etizolam binge of 10 mg over a week or so. 2-4mg one day then 1mg for the remaing days.
In January I decided to stop using all benzos to see if I would experience any of the terribleness I had read about. I knew I had used/abused benzos decently for a year or so, but I wasnt really sure if I had experienced withdrawal ever within that time. There were times I felt not that great, but nothing that was devastating to my daily life.
I got to two days with no benzos and all of a sudden I just felt terrible. I was watching something on TV and all of a sudden I just couldnt sit still and was bombarded with all of these negative thoughts about how terrible of a person I was. I would replay scenarios in my head of past social interactions and feel that the person now hated me for completely irrational reasons. Everything was just terrible and my thoughts were racing and nothing was comfortable. I decidec to take .5 mg of etizolam to calm me down and surprisingly it worked. I think I experienced --> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agitated_depression
After the .5mg of etizolam I switched back to 5mg valium every 3-4 days or as needed. I took it on that schedule from mid jan to end of January.
That small episode really scared me though, I never had my thoughts hijacked in such a negatively powerful way. It was enough to scare me away fron further benzo abuse. After that I pretty much had really bad anxiety for 2 -3 weeks.
I havnt had any benzo since Jan 29 althought I do have some valium on hand, but have no desire to abuse it.
From Nov 12' - Jan 14' I went through estimated
200mg xanax
30 valium
100mg etizolam.
Its been about 20+ days since I last had .5mg of Valium.
Do I have anything more to expect?? Is whats list above heaby use over a year++??
I feel generally fine now all days now, but I havnt really exerted myself to any intensely stressful situations..
Thanks for reading.
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