Stood up yet again

[harraser]

Authors Note: yesterday I went to see the Dali Lama give a talk, and was again stood up by the person I was supposed to go with, this was written partly just before and partly just after the talk so is a sort of heat of the moment thing and is in no way indicative of the way am feeling now....for some infuriating reason I am completely incapable of staying angry at this girl *shrugs*
Stood up yet again
I cant beleive you didnt even call
Just a message to say
"Sorry I cant make it"
Is that really so hard?
Instead Im given an hour and a half
Of wasted time
And the unspoken "fuck you"
Of your absence
But thats not whats made me mad
The real reason that Im angry
Is that I waited
Coz on the off chance that
You were running an hour and a half late
I didnt want to leave you sitting there
On your own in the cold.
If only you could have shown me
The same consideration.
Once again its made blatantly obvious
That the way I feel for you
Is worlds away from how you see me.
What a shame.
This time I really beleived youd turn up
We spoke not two hours before
And all was cool
And since youve never been punctual
I waited
And waited
I missed meeting my freinds
And I waited
I missed out on a seat
And still I waited
And waited
But you didnt come.
So I watched the talk alone
And took so much from it
But the whole time I couldnt stop thinking
"She'd really benefit from this"
It adressed so many issues
That you yourself have told me
Are problems in your life
It could have been such a gift to you
Youve missed the chance of a life time
And in the process
I think you might have killed
Something beautiful in me too;
The endless trust I had in you
Seems to have run dry
And Im not sure if Ill ever
Be able to see you the same way again
But the thing thats really killing me
Is that, through all the anger and dissapointment,
I still cant stop thinking
Of how much I Love You.

 

[Furnace]

Originally posted by harraser:
Instead Im given an hour and a half
Of wasted time
And the unspoken "fuck you"
Of your absence
But thats not whats made me mad
The real reason that Im angry
Is that I waited
Coz on the off chance that
You were running an hour and a half late
I didnt want to leave you sitting there
On your own in the cold.
If only you could have shown me
The same consideration.
Once again its made blatantly obvious
That the way I feel for you
Is worlds away from how you see me.
What a shame.

This rules so much I can't even begin to express the sheer joy of having to read a piece that relates to me in such a manner.
bravo.
*clap*clap*clap*

 

[frostyangel]

oh, hassaser, we so are in the same boat. And I kept falling back into this stupid game..and I'm an idiot. It happened again last night...
I don't know why I can't break away from this..
but Stamp the word DUMBASS on my forhead please...
Don't worry baby, I'll call you, and I would never forget!!!
Omg, I can't even quote you this is everything I was telling myself last nite!
*hugz* I'm sorry sweetie!

 

[up all night]

Originally posted by harraser:
Instead Im given an hour and a half
Of wasted time
And the unspoken "fuck you"
Of your absence

*mwah* You are such a beautiful person and thats all I have to say on that matter....

 

[Nietzche]

Didn't this happen to Sartre once at a Parisian Cafe?
Nice words.
Jeffrey

 

[Angelight]

wow wow wow
you express emotion so fucking beautifully. I love this.

 

[KHsweety03]

But the thing thats really killing me
Is that, through all the anger and dissapointment,
I still cant stop thinking
Of how much I Love You.
I really relate to this. Out of all the times I have been upset, and disappointed, I look back, and realize I love him, so it all seems to fade away.
Excellent writing.

 

[E-girl]

And the unspoken "fuck you"
Of your absence
i wish that for all those times i waited around while justin stood me up, that i could have read into that silence like you have. i was always too hopeful, too expectant, too trusting, too disappointed. i'm sorry you had to feel this way. but i sense a strength in your words that i *didnt* have, and it gives me hope for you, that you wont let this crush you like i did so many times.
this person isn't deserving of your love. you are such a good person.

 

[Azurae]

Whenever someone is the process of getting stood up, I think most people hope that they are *not* getting stood up, that they are *not* getting the big Fuck You, that there is a good reason, perhaps even a dire reason (like an accident) for the person's absence.
I am sorry you were treated so badly by this woman. It is a shitty place to be in, to be so into somebody who has no respect or concern for you.
For me, I am in a very good and lucky place because once somebody disses me royally like that, it makes me lose interest in them. Somebody who treats me badly very quickly loses their appeal to me. I also understand that people get treated the way they let themselves get treated.
Attraction and feelings of "being in love" are very strange indeed. I think that most of the time, when we are in love with somebody who treats us shitty, what we are really in love with is the ideal. We want so much for the person to love us back and treat us well and we give them chance
after chance
after chance
just hoping, hoping, hoping that the crappy way they treat us is somehow an anomoly of their nature, that really, deep down they are great people who will love us and treat us well and with kindness and respect if only we can stick around long enough and be good and kind and respectful to them as they repeatedly hurt us.
It is sort of like getting a very nicely wrapped Christmas present. The wrapping is pretty, maybe even beautiful. We are awed by it and "Wow" we think, "There must be something great inside."
But, upon opening the box, we find a big pile of excrement.
but we can't believe it. We won't accept the fact that this beautifully wrapped package contains only excrement. There must be a mistake, we think. There *must* be something else in here. So we dig through the excrement, hoping to find something great, maybe a diamond or something buried in all that filth.
And the shit gets all over us as we paw through it, searching for the present that isn't there. And we get frustrated because we were so in love with what we thought was going to be in the box. We can't believe it, and it's so sad to think that something that seemed so great is not so great. We cannot let go of our ideal.
Some people search through the shit forever, and it gets everywhere, their hands, shirt, face, in their hair, and they are stinky and unhappy and beaten but they won't leave the box, they just keep hunting
and waiting
they keep glancing over at the wrapping paper and thinking it's so beautiful.
they keep crying
and digging
and the shit gets everywhere, on the floor, on the walls, after a while the person can't remember what life was like without the stink of the waste and the horrible sinking feeling in their stomach, as they become more and sure that there is nothing in the box but crap.
But still they wait for the phone to ring
or for a knock on the door
or for a little IM message
that will never come
-Aura
[ 20 May 2002: Message edited by: Azurae ]

 

[frostyangel]

^^^^^^^^^^^
|||||||||||
well said!!!!

 

[harraser]

^I was thinking that myself. Ive said the same thing (but not put anywhere near as well) to so many people, guess i need to take aura's, and my own, advice *sigh*

 

[Vaile*]

But the whole time I couldnt stop thinking
"She'd really benefit from this"
It adressed so many issues
That you yourself have told me
Are problems in your life
It could have been such a gift to you
You've missed the chance of a life time
And in the process
I think you might have killed
Something beautiful in me too;
I've never tried to explain to myself until now..
Really appreciated this one.