Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
I have had 2 runs with meth. The first one lasted 6-8 moths of daily IV use and I managed to quit that and stay clean for 4-5 years. I quit mainly by five steps:Swapping one addiction for another is a huge win if the one you now have involves a kick that's subjectively much easier from an opioid addicts perspective.......
So you kicked meth finally, what was that like?
Worst thing I ever went through in my life
What happened?
I slept for two whole weeks. I mean I didn't sleep the whole time. Plus when I got up I was starving. Ate everything I could find... Twinkies, zingers.
But that s*** didn't satiate me so I had my ex bring me In-N-Out, Del Tac. Ate huge quantities. Also healthier stuff. She still cares about me. She was the one who inspired me to do it, by breaking up w me. Fucking b****
So how you doing now?
I'm depressed, life seems pointless and I think about smoking meth all the time.
But you haven't?
Nope. Not yet at least. But this brain fog sucks, which is why I drink about three cups of coffee when I wake up and more throughout the day.......
1) Removing all meth connections from my life and relocating to a meth free area
2) Taking heavy doses of prescribed Seroquel for about a year then switching to much lower doses of Abilify (these prevent meth working effectively)
3) Taking 30 mg a day of prescribed dexamfetamine (these help cut through the antipsychotic mental fog)
4) Doing 100 NA meetings in 100 days (these are a constant reminder of my goals)
5) Doing yoga and lap swimming every single day for around 6 months (these give some pleasure every day)
During this period I also had a serious relationship that really gave me a reason to stay straight. I only picked up again after that relationship collapsed for non-drug related reasons.
My second run with meth has lasted 18 months or so. It started as IV but after 6 months I switched to smoking. It’s quite different to the first experience because it’s a lot more connected to chemsex (which I didn’t have anything to do with the first time). In this second time around I have been able to stop for periods of 1 week to up to 2 months a few times but always relapse. Each time I stop usually involves 2 days of utter exhaustion where i stay in bed.I have relied more on will power than the steps outlined above. I have a lot deeper connections with meth suppliers now and they are connected to the sex industry which complicates things quite a bit.
Recently I’ve taken to locking my drugs in a time lock safe for a week at a time. I bought it on Amazon for $150. That has been quite helpful. This time around I don’t want to take antipsychotics although I know how helpful they can be. They make me too tired and sap all my energy. So I’m trying to rely more on will power and distracting myself with some work. It is really not very easy and I often pick up the pipe and suddenly lose a whole week of doing nothing but smoke, whore, and whinge on Bluelight. The amount of money i can spend doing so is ridiculous.
I now I need to restart that 5 step strategy outlined above because it is proven to work. But it;s hard because it makes me face the fact I don’t have anything much in life besides drugs.
Obviously I can’t speak for opiate users, but i feel the psychological demands of meth are extremely difficult to overcome relative to the physical ones. 2-3 days of feeling like an exhausted piece of shit and you are through the physical stuff.