my mind is spinning in circles so I sit in front of the computer and everything is blown away like the leafs in the fall. All gone. Why is it that I am not able to express myself on paper anymore. It has been a year now and this is what i have. Nothing worth while.
So I sit here completely blank, staring at this screen hoping that something will come to me. Wishing I could figure out my mind. Slow it down. Naturally of course. The days of chemical bliss are over. I am in a different light of life.
The mind still will not slow down.
I can't recall my childhood and the only memories that come to mind are ones of despair. I really have trouble with the good moments. Ask me anything and I will cry. Ask me something concerning the last five years; and all I have is a book full of tears. There has to be something that keeps me in the place. Something that makes me move forward and keep trying. Not sure what it is. If it is something called love, i have to reevaluate the meaning. Maybe it is something called fear. Whatever it is, I need to find it and never forget.
I still can't write. I still can't make anything make sense.
I wish my life worked like MS Word. Sitting here typing it all out. Able to use the delete key when I don't want to remember. Use a period whenever I want something to end. Page up, page down, redo, undo, help. Think of the control I would have. But would I really use the keys or just keep trying to type. It's kindof like 'taking your own advice'. i never do it. I know exactly what I should do, but for the life of me, I can't. Why is that?
Rambling on about nothing.
In so many parts of my life; I am at a standstill. waiting for something to happen to make me move on. No ambition. No desire.
I just need to sleep.
So I sit here completely blank, staring at this screen hoping that something will come to me. Wishing I could figure out my mind. Slow it down. Naturally of course. The days of chemical bliss are over. I am in a different light of life.
The mind still will not slow down.
I can't recall my childhood and the only memories that come to mind are ones of despair. I really have trouble with the good moments. Ask me anything and I will cry. Ask me something concerning the last five years; and all I have is a book full of tears. There has to be something that keeps me in the place. Something that makes me move forward and keep trying. Not sure what it is. If it is something called love, i have to reevaluate the meaning. Maybe it is something called fear. Whatever it is, I need to find it and never forget.
I still can't write. I still can't make anything make sense.
I wish my life worked like MS Word. Sitting here typing it all out. Able to use the delete key when I don't want to remember. Use a period whenever I want something to end. Page up, page down, redo, undo, help. Think of the control I would have. But would I really use the keys or just keep trying to type. It's kindof like 'taking your own advice'. i never do it. I know exactly what I should do, but for the life of me, I can't. Why is that?
Rambling on about nothing.
In so many parts of my life; I am at a standstill. waiting for something to happen to make me move on. No ambition. No desire.
I just need to sleep.
