I am in legit SHOCK that I made it this far; usually I cannot go more than 2 days but yet its been 14+ days since I shot any dope and I feel absolutely fine. I am in total shock that I was able to get this far w/ no rhyme or reason other than just not wanting to spend the cash and being on bupe.
I SHOULD be happy I made it 2 weeks and SHOULD want to continue this battle but part of me just wants to buy a G tomorrow in award myself for making it 2 weeks. just a sick way to think, right? I want to REWARD myself by BUYING HEROIN for MYSELF! does that make any sense? ill reward myself w/ the drug/thing that ruined my life, took all my cash, and put me in a total SHIT spot in life. yes, let me go shoot heroin! ha. man, a junkies mind is truly a fucking dangerous thing.
anyway, ill fight that battle when I get there. but for today I am happy and able to get by. the suboxone helps me a ton; so much more than methadone ever helped. I've said it many times on this board but the bupe/methadone difference is a KEY part to recovery for so many. some people prefer bupe and some methadone; I've tried both numerous times and its always been the bupe that has gotten me through the "rough" times. again, this is just my opinion and everyone feels differently.
in 2 weeks ill be eligible to get my license back; pray for me here people! over the last year my life went to complete SHIT; just take a look at all my blog entries over the past 1.5yrs. kinda crazy to see how things have changed. got my DUI (2nd) last June 17th and here it is almost Aug 1st and ill be eligible come Aug 1st. the thing is, this shit cost $$ and I do not have much money but ill put whatever I can toward that license and getting a SHITBOX car that I can just drive around with a breathalyzer installed.
imagine? ill be OFF heroin, hopefully. have a license back. working full time! going to see this "girl" who I know from these boards in CA and we are going to chill; life aint too bad. but of course, it could always get much worse and happen really quickly if I decide to fuck up AGAIN, and AGAIN and AGAIN like I always did. I was just in front of the judge yesterday and no longer have to report in monthly; just fill out the form and send it in. thats nice! no more alcohol testing, not like I drank anyway but was a pain. no more reporting in and having to FIND a ride since I have no license.
I dont know; thats it for now! life doesnt seem TOO bad but the way I live it can get really bad, really quick.
I SHOULD be happy I made it 2 weeks and SHOULD want to continue this battle but part of me just wants to buy a G tomorrow in award myself for making it 2 weeks. just a sick way to think, right? I want to REWARD myself by BUYING HEROIN for MYSELF! does that make any sense? ill reward myself w/ the drug/thing that ruined my life, took all my cash, and put me in a total SHIT spot in life. yes, let me go shoot heroin! ha. man, a junkies mind is truly a fucking dangerous thing.
anyway, ill fight that battle when I get there. but for today I am happy and able to get by. the suboxone helps me a ton; so much more than methadone ever helped. I've said it many times on this board but the bupe/methadone difference is a KEY part to recovery for so many. some people prefer bupe and some methadone; I've tried both numerous times and its always been the bupe that has gotten me through the "rough" times. again, this is just my opinion and everyone feels differently.
in 2 weeks ill be eligible to get my license back; pray for me here people! over the last year my life went to complete SHIT; just take a look at all my blog entries over the past 1.5yrs. kinda crazy to see how things have changed. got my DUI (2nd) last June 17th and here it is almost Aug 1st and ill be eligible come Aug 1st. the thing is, this shit cost $$ and I do not have much money but ill put whatever I can toward that license and getting a SHITBOX car that I can just drive around with a breathalyzer installed.
imagine? ill be OFF heroin, hopefully. have a license back. working full time! going to see this "girl" who I know from these boards in CA and we are going to chill; life aint too bad. but of course, it could always get much worse and happen really quickly if I decide to fuck up AGAIN, and AGAIN and AGAIN like I always did. I was just in front of the judge yesterday and no longer have to report in monthly; just fill out the form and send it in. thats nice! no more alcohol testing, not like I drank anyway but was a pain. no more reporting in and having to FIND a ride since I have no license.
I dont know; thats it for now! life doesnt seem TOO bad but the way I live it can get really bad, really quick.
