As I looked back at my first blog entry, I am saddened by how little I have accomplished. I wanted to use this place a journal for my thoughts while I detoxed...
Well not only have I not detoxed, but I have fallen further into the pit of addiction. I am now back home, living with my parents. Living with my 2 kind, loving parents - and shooting dope in my room. God I disgust myself sometimes. Shooting heroin in the very room they provide for me, I am a fucking animal. Conditioned to respond to nothing but money and dope. Dope and money. This shit IS vicious. The sad thing is I still want off this god-forsaken ride, i'm just not sure how to start. Do I come clean with my parents and tell them everything, in turn breaking their hearts and possibly getting booted from my safehaven (home)? Or do I go it alone, attempting one of my many home detoxes, suffering alone and in silence? The veil is wearing thin... Somethings gotta give. Somethings gotta give soon. I hate myself right now, and all I can think of is waking up tomorrow to drive 1.5 hours away to cop.
I disgust myself.
Well not only have I not detoxed, but I have fallen further into the pit of addiction. I am now back home, living with my parents. Living with my 2 kind, loving parents - and shooting dope in my room. God I disgust myself sometimes. Shooting heroin in the very room they provide for me, I am a fucking animal. Conditioned to respond to nothing but money and dope. Dope and money. This shit IS vicious. The sad thing is I still want off this god-forsaken ride, i'm just not sure how to start. Do I come clean with my parents and tell them everything, in turn breaking their hearts and possibly getting booted from my safehaven (home)? Or do I go it alone, attempting one of my many home detoxes, suffering alone and in silence? The veil is wearing thin... Somethings gotta give. Somethings gotta give soon. I hate myself right now, and all I can think of is waking up tomorrow to drive 1.5 hours away to cop.
I disgust myself.