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still having benzo withdrawal

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old&worn

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 23, 2013
Messages
14
hi everyone,

I just found this forum and I'm glad. last winter a prescribing nurse decided to force me off klonopin and vicodin. I had been on benzos for close to 30 years. my use had been very heavy (12 blue k's on some months *with* alcohol).


I feel so horrible. I was in the hospital finally in April, because I hadn't slept in 10 days straight and I was hallucinating, everything was crashing. I thought I'd be OK but I'm not.


I'm feeling worse today than in a very long time. they put me on cymbalta and abilify in the hospital and I don't want to get back on the abilify. I was only in the hospital 9 days and I've been home since may and I went off everything they gave me when my cymbalta ran out and they wouldn't refill it over the phone. this was all back in may after I'd been off the klonopin about a month.

I honestly feel terrible. panicked and restless legs all the time, neuropathy whuch only started when i couldnt get klonopin anymore, nauseated, sleep problems, tinnitus, dizziness, oh my god. I don't think I can bear anymore.

I'm afraid to get back on cymbalta and I don't want to take abilify. it makes me twitch and jerk.


I'm very angry at them for taking me off klonopin. I believe they did more harm than good and I hope to god they end up in hell. I know I sound intense but I'm not violent and I wouldn't do anything to them, but I hate their guts.

I miss my best friend so much. he passed away in '92. I was never good at making friends and as years passed I've lost nearly everyone. life is unbearable now. I can't see it ever being or hope of being worthwhile for me.


I want this all to be over. thanks for reading. I hope no one else has to go through this but I know that unfortunately there are others because morons like that nurse are allowed to play with our lives and bodies. God damn her to hell. sorry about that.

good luck, everyone here.
 
Thank you! I came back to the forum but search did not find this post before. I thought it had been deleted. I posted again in a different thread a few minutes ago.

I'll look at the threads you linked, might be the one I found a little earlier.

When I went to the ER on one of the times they were horrendous to me. If I tried to explain what they did I'm afraid I wouldn't be believed. They got away with it because I was alone. they are evil fuvking people.

it is worse again. It started being worse about the time I posted above here. And it hasn't gotten better.

I started back on the psych drugs and I hate them. they make me feel worse so why should I take them.

If I had known what they were going to do to me I probably would have overdosed last January on Vicodin. I had at least 100 10mgs. I thought about it but it never seemed like a real possibility that they'd force me off. The cops even stole the last 2 Norco I had in my bag. They are supposed to return all your property and not confiscate legal prescriptions even if the imbecile prescriber changed her moron mind.

I'm so miserable I just want it all over. I have self harm thoughts all the time now even when I'm not suicidal. if I pick up a scizzors my mind flashes to a huge gash in my arm or stabs in the eye or plunging it into my throat. Even the nail clipper I flash to slicing my eyes. This is like all through a given day.

I can't stand living like this. and I've never been more alone in my life.

it just isn't worth it. not anymore. I don't know what to do. I tried to start drinking but I can't stand the taste of it anymore and it makes me nauseated.
 
Plus my concentration and memory are gone.

I can not really remember the past few years. I know some of what happened but if I try to characterize the different years in my mind they're a blank.

Not sleeping for 10 days fucked up my mind, maybe permanently. It's not like I'm young and resilient anymore. It's just gone.

I know I should be posting this in the benzo withdrawal area but I start writing and if I stop I forget what I was going to say. They wrecked my mind. They never should have taken me off.

I'm glad I looked up Trazadone here because I have some for sleeping and now I know never to take more than one at a time because they can cause panic/terror.

I'm thinking of what I have which I could mix together to have a certain ending. it's not how I wanted to do it but I don't think I could get a ***.

So I'm thinking of one thing I have which conceivably could be used if I mixed it with good old benzos and alcohol.

I'll see. it will take a while and I doubt I can ever get prescribed benzos again.
 
The problem with doing it with pills is that I have to be able to swallow a large number very fast. Probably with alcohol. I don't know if I can without throwing up. I don't know how I'd keep from vomiting.

I wish I had a better way.
 
And I haven't gone into the restless leg and body problem. oh my god it is so much worse than it ever was before. There is nothing that helps it.

I take Kava and Valerian and Neurontin (which I wanted to get off only I never will) and they just don't help enough. Like trying to bathe in a single rain drop.

My life is hell. I don't want to go through this anymore.
 
Over the summer I took small amounts of Cymbalta and it helped again with the awful neuropathy. But it hasnt helped this past week at all. The only thing it's doing now is killing my appetite which is good because I'm too heavy. But I don't like the added anxiety I have from it.

I didn't take it last night and I'm afraid to because my toes keep seizing up.

The weird body problems propel me into terror. I have Skelaxin which is supposed to help with the dyskinesia but it doesn't help enough.

oh god. what am I going to do.
 
It has been over 7 months now off benzos and codeine. and it isn't over and I don't think it ever will be. I even lost my faith in God.
 
Many many years ago, I was on a methadone program here in philly and many of my fellow 'juicers' were Vietnam vet's with a laundry list of daily scrips; benzo's being a major ingredient in their everyday recipe.
Most of them tried to detox from the benzo's with almost the same result you're experiencing. Many of them went back to getting them prescribed, while others bought scrips on the side just to maintain their state. I cared a lot about those guys due to their military service and paid very close attention when they spoke and what they were going thru. It's dreadful to think about how they must have felt and I'm instantly reminded of their struggle when I read your post.

I hope everything goes well for you, I hope you're able to reach a level of comfort that will enable you to function, I hope the 'med-heads' (doctors and nurses) find a way to return you to
an acceptable state, and most of all I wish you the best luck and health one can wish for.
 
Thank you Rockphilly and Dunno. Sorry I wasn't back sooner. I forget to come back.

The doctors are nonexistent. I was treated only by clinicians and they don't know their ass from their elbow. A good doctor would have known not to force me off the pills. I had a tolerance and they weren't going to kill me unless I wanted them to. The bitch that forced me off had a visible reaction when I said I wanted to get a car. The bitch thought I was too wasted to drive on my prescriptions. But that was normalcy for me. I never had an accident in my life and I'm a very careful driver. It's now that I'd be much more prone to accident because they destroyed my mental concentration and focus by this episode and me being awake for 10 days straight completely fucked up my brain. So I think that's what precipitated the bitch forcing me off the prescriptions. No one else before her ever thought the prescriptions were a problem. They just don't want to prescribe so called "controlled substances".

If I were really going to abuse my Rx I would have done so with the vicodin and I didn't.

I feel badly for those veterans you mention who went through similar. Did they quit of their own choice or were they forced off by an incompetent non-doctor moron?

I never should have moved to this state. Before I moved here I had very good real doctors who cared about me. Here I'm surrounded by awful people who are evil or moribs or both.

I've been very dysphoric this past week. I'm paranoid about the kava because it's banned in Europe. I want my old prescriptions. I'm very upset sad and depressed. Thank you for your kindness. If you ever start taking bebzis know that some imbecile can wreck your life by forcing you off them. I don't know if that bitch knew how long or how much I had taken. And I'm sorry for my language but I hate those people so much.
 
Another thing that happened from all this is I developed tinnitus from the time withdrawal begin in March or February. And it never stopped. It's like several different kinds of electrical appliances running in my ears/head all the fucking time. I have so many physical problems and so much more anxiety/panic/terror now. Why didn't they just leave me be?

I stopped the low dose of Cymbalta after about a week. Then I went on a low dose of abilify which I hate but I'm taking the crap. It makes me twitch and my toes sieze and I jerk and it's horrible. I decided to take it just to try to feel less. And control my rage. I'm not taking it for those scum I wish dead, I'm taking it to protect myself. I want to see this entire town go to hell. Especially the scum that live downstairs from me and the pieces of shit that work in the er at the lousy hospital I had to go to. Again, if I told what they did, no one would believe me. I'll just say this, if you're ever in a similar situation, don't go to an er alone. Make sure they know you have friends or family to watch your back.
 
And I'm living in hell. That's the other huge part of this nightmare. It was also another reason that cunt forced me off klonopin, she didn't believe me. (I'm sorry if my language offends anyone but those are the only words I can stand to attribute to her and others). So of course I can't talk about it here either. I swear to God the only thing left for me now is death and I just have to figure out how to make that happen.
 
Is there any chance of finding a new doctor and going back on benzos? I know long term benzos usually aren't the best idea, but compared to killing yourself it's probably still better.
 
This is so sad, im feel you. Why didnt the doctors lower your benzo dosage gradualy?
 
Dear all,
I have Tinnitus for one and half month. It started first night, after being prescribed Cymbalta duloxétine 60mg, Sept.10, 2016. I took the Cymbalta only two days (60 mg x 2)
On Thursday, October 13th – The tinnitus has disappeared completely at around 5 pm after one hour sleeping rest. Unfortunately, it reappeared during the night.
I would welcome your support. Which treatment can help to get rid of this side effect? What is your experience on this side effect and the duration of this Tinnitus?
Thanks in advance.
Best regards,
André
 
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