Do I think that with some amount of clean time, or with different life circumstances, I’d be able to control my using?
04/07/10 5:50 PM
This is a source of pseudo-fear for me. I’ve had what I consider substantial clean time before (two 5 year terms) and each time at the 5 year mark, I started using again because I thought I was ‘normal’ now.
This time around is vastly different. I actually use my sponsor, I not only write on my Steps but I practice them (for the most part) in my daily affairs. I’m involved in service work and I make a shitload of meetings.
I know that I will never be able to control my using for any extended period of time but I’m concerned that in the future I will grow complacent and follow the same pattern as before.
The thing is, I don’t need to be afraid of the future. Who the fuck knows what is going to happen tomorrow, a week from now or a decade from now. Life has a lot of twists and turns and a shitload of unknown variables.
As long as I continue doing what I have been doing, I’ll continue to get what I’ve been getting.
Things tend to work themselves out when a little effort and honesty is applied.
04/07/10 5:50 PM
This is a source of pseudo-fear for me. I’ve had what I consider substantial clean time before (two 5 year terms) and each time at the 5 year mark, I started using again because I thought I was ‘normal’ now.
This time around is vastly different. I actually use my sponsor, I not only write on my Steps but I practice them (for the most part) in my daily affairs. I’m involved in service work and I make a shitload of meetings.
I know that I will never be able to control my using for any extended period of time but I’m concerned that in the future I will grow complacent and follow the same pattern as before.
The thing is, I don’t need to be afraid of the future. Who the fuck knows what is going to happen tomorrow, a week from now or a decade from now. Life has a lot of twists and turns and a shitload of unknown variables.
As long as I continue doing what I have been doing, I’ll continue to get what I’ve been getting.
Things tend to work themselves out when a little effort and honesty is applied.