What is it like when I'm obsessed with something? Does my thinking follow a pattern? Describe.
12/18/09 5:16 PM
Typically, I obsess on things that are 'unknowns' and I just think and think and think. The more I think (obsess) the more unrealistic the situation I am dwelling on becomes. I become angry and this anger quickly turns to hatred and rage. Sometimes it turns into feelings of low self-worth and my anger and rage becomes a hatred of myself.
The following example relates to the situation in Question 2:
A friend of mine went missing for five days. Not knowing what was happening with and/or to her drove me nuts. I actually felt like I was going crazy (http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/blog.php?b=2028). I was COMPLETELY obsessing about the unknown and imagined her dead on the curb, being gang raped, wandering the streets of North Philly, being manipulated or mutilated in a dumpster. She was, in actuality, just getting high with someone from her past who was manipulating/controlling her to satisfy his own ego.
As to what its like when I obsess, its horrible. I lose touch with reality. I feel extreme discomfort in not knowing. I find it impossible to sleep due to my raging thoughts and I feel as if I am being intentionally hurt by others. This perceived hurt is increased exponentially by my belief that whoever is involved in this hurt towards me is doing it because they know exactly how to bring me emotional pain in the worst, most effective manner. I often feel that these 'hurts' that they bring to me are unwarranted, unjustified and done simply because they CAN do it.
The fucked up thing about it is that once I start obsessing I find that I obsess even more in a failed attempt to stop it or to get out of my head.
12/19/09 4:44 PM
I was on Facebook and saw that my ex ('M') commented on a mutual friend's status update. I was curious so I viewed 'M's' Facebook page. She is listed as in a relationship.
The obsession begins again...
I immediately NEEDED to know more. Who is he? What does he look like? What does he do for a living? Is he controlling? Is he using her? Is he manipulating? Is she happy? Is he better in bed than me? Does she love him? Why did she contact me the day before she labeled herself as 'in a relationship'?
WTF?
I mostly believe that we do not belong together. I honestly believe that I don't meet her standards (economically mostly). This hurts me because I am a good person that is capable of making a very decent living. I take her lack of faith in me as an insult but it shouldn't matter at this point, right? I loved her greatly but there were many illusions created by her and myself. Once the illusions started to be seen through for what they were, the reality caused pain.
The Pattern
Apparently there is a pattern in my obsessive thinking. That it seems to involve females strikes me first and foremost. Insecurity perhaps?
The obsessive thinking ALWAYS causes pain and it twists realities in my thoughts. Once again, NOT KNOWING, is truly a part of my obsessions. Many things simply are none of my business but I try to make them mine. I AM powerless over people, places and things. Why do I try NOT to be?
12/18/09 5:16 PM
Typically, I obsess on things that are 'unknowns' and I just think and think and think. The more I think (obsess) the more unrealistic the situation I am dwelling on becomes. I become angry and this anger quickly turns to hatred and rage. Sometimes it turns into feelings of low self-worth and my anger and rage becomes a hatred of myself.
The following example relates to the situation in Question 2:
A friend of mine went missing for five days. Not knowing what was happening with and/or to her drove me nuts. I actually felt like I was going crazy (http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/blog.php?b=2028). I was COMPLETELY obsessing about the unknown and imagined her dead on the curb, being gang raped, wandering the streets of North Philly, being manipulated or mutilated in a dumpster. She was, in actuality, just getting high with someone from her past who was manipulating/controlling her to satisfy his own ego.
As to what its like when I obsess, its horrible. I lose touch with reality. I feel extreme discomfort in not knowing. I find it impossible to sleep due to my raging thoughts and I feel as if I am being intentionally hurt by others. This perceived hurt is increased exponentially by my belief that whoever is involved in this hurt towards me is doing it because they know exactly how to bring me emotional pain in the worst, most effective manner. I often feel that these 'hurts' that they bring to me are unwarranted, unjustified and done simply because they CAN do it.
The fucked up thing about it is that once I start obsessing I find that I obsess even more in a failed attempt to stop it or to get out of my head.
12/19/09 4:44 PM
I was on Facebook and saw that my ex ('M') commented on a mutual friend's status update. I was curious so I viewed 'M's' Facebook page. She is listed as in a relationship.
The obsession begins again...
I immediately NEEDED to know more. Who is he? What does he look like? What does he do for a living? Is he controlling? Is he using her? Is he manipulating? Is she happy? Is he better in bed than me? Does she love him? Why did she contact me the day before she labeled herself as 'in a relationship'?
WTF?
I mostly believe that we do not belong together. I honestly believe that I don't meet her standards (economically mostly). This hurts me because I am a good person that is capable of making a very decent living. I take her lack of faith in me as an insult but it shouldn't matter at this point, right? I loved her greatly but there were many illusions created by her and myself. Once the illusions started to be seen through for what they were, the reality caused pain.
The Pattern
Apparently there is a pattern in my obsessive thinking. That it seems to involve females strikes me first and foremost. Insecurity perhaps?
The obsessive thinking ALWAYS causes pain and it twists realities in my thoughts. Once again, NOT KNOWING, is truly a part of my obsessions. Many things simply are none of my business but I try to make them mine. I AM powerless over people, places and things. Why do I try NOT to be?
