I agree, methadone was the single most important thing I've done for my recovery. After three years of diligently working at bettering myself regarding my opioid use, a number of inpatient and intensive outpatient treatments, 18 months of buprenorphine replacement therapy, self help groups, theraputic communities, psychotherapy, psychiatric medication, and pretty much anything else you could think of that is geared towards recovery, I just wish I'd done methadone earlier on my life. It would have saved so much difficulty, heartache and trauma for both me and my loved ones.
When I started methadone I had been IMing heroin and morphine maybe five days out of the week. Id been using potent opioids for about nine years in total. The dose I was using was on averaged out to 1g morphine (!!!), and between 0.5g and 3g of the same per day. I was more or less functional, but my life revolved around my use and it was preventing me from accomplishing my goals.
I stopped using for three days before going to my induction appointment (the first one I had there after speaking with the clinic manager), and the fourth day was my first trip and visit there when I started the treatment. I called on a Saturday to set it up, and thankfully was able to schedule my intake appointment for the following Monday morning. I was lucky to find an absolutely top notch, outstanding clinic, at least as far as methadone clinics go... Small place, and very dedicated to their patients overall. Most other clinics I've visited, worked at, volunteered for or otherwise been to or heard of are very different and much larger. Some of them are much more strict, often arbitrarily so, and the larger ones (like with 500 patients as opposed to mind with like 150) do not give their clients nearly as much personalized support, even with as little support we actually do end up getting their.
At my clinic they started me off at 30mg of methadone, had me wait 30 minutes and then gave me another 10mg. So I started off at 40mg. Most people at my clinic have told me they started at 20+10=30mg. I then went up to 90mg over the course of maybe one to two months. Over the next year I dropped down to 20mg, which is where I am now. I plan to stay here indefinitely until I'm ready to begin getting ready to finish the treatment. Pretty much every dose I've been given has held me, but once I hit 65mg I was good. Since I began dropping my dose I've been concerned about the methadone losing its glow. But this is an extremely strong medication and that hasn't happened. My current dose of 20mg still makes me feel awesome.
Overall I feel much better here, I'm more functional and have way more energy and focus. It isn't perfect, but their are far fewer side effects at this much lower dose than at the 90mg I was once at, and I'm much happier overall with it. The added security of knowing that I'm close enough to a dose where I won't go through too much hell if I were to get cutoff somehow, god forbid, which makes me feel a little more secure with my liquid handcuffs.
The biggest downside for me, especially after almost two years, is being geographically tied to the clinic. It's really hard on me not just being able to travel, whether for work or pleasure. Even just getting take homes to go on a legit retreat for my vipassana meditation practice is a PITA. They are fairly reasonable given the constraints inherent to their system here in the US, but it has become counter productive. Although I've successfully lowered my doses to a point where I could easily, and relatively painlessly, come off my medication now, but I really want to stay I on. Scratch that, I really need to stay on it.
Coming to terms with the reality that I love opioids and that they are important to me, and an important part of my life, has been one of the most important things I've done for myself in my recovery. It was the first step in really getting honest and true to myself, beginning me on the path of - for me certainly - utmost important. That path being one focused on authenticity and doing what I need to do for myself as an individual given who I am and my particular needs and personal skills - and challanges.
I'm not ready to live my life without taking opioids, and I refuse to put myself in the legally, socially and professionally awkward situation of being dependent on illicit opioids again. And my family is super supportive considering how much of an improvement they see in me and how much happier and more successful in life I am. The only reason I didn't start methadone sooner in my recovery as I had wanted is because I saw a fascist AA abstinence only therapist freak who conned and manipulated the he'll out of me and my family.
Good luck OP! I sincerely hope you find the success you so desperately deserve. Once you get inducted, I strongly suggest modifying your dose so that you are getting enough to deal with cravings and feel satisfied with it so you can start focusing on other, more important aspects of your life and recovery. That said, I don't think most people really need to stay on higher doses for longer periods of time (like over a year or two). Some do, but the vast majority really don't.
Even if you find you feel better off at higher dosages (80mg+), please try working your way down after a reasonable time has passed that's allowed you to begin to really stabilize your situation. Try and work down to at most 40mg, because it's a dose with much, much fewer side effects and much easier to manage overall. Plus, when the time comes to come off your methadone, it will make doing so much, much easier for you as opposed to if you attempted to come off 100mg after a number of years there. Coming off 40mg, or in my case 20mg, will be much easier to do if you stay on it for any longer period of time. Plus the side effects of a dose above 60mg get increasingly significant for the vast majority of people - again I'm waaay more functional, have more energy and can think more clearly at 20mg than at 60-90mg, and 90mg isn't even "that" high compared to many people's dose.
What part of the world are you in? Sounds like a methadone maintenance program would do you a lot of good given your circumstances.
