Stars came out

[Papa1]

He cracked the bat with a thunderous clench of tissue. A ball sprayed from the tip, out over left field. The stands were empty; no one pretended to care; the thing sailed overhead, out of the park or somewhere among the seats. I never saw it. I began to sleep. The stars came out.

 

[New]

Interesting exercise. Care to elaborate its meaning for you?

 

[Papa1]

I was going to say there was no exercise except for trying to write something pretty, because that's normally what I'm always doing. But for this, I actually remember that I was trying for dreaminess. There was an extended dream that I was trying to fit into a short story, and I didn't know how to make something sound dreamy... Visual, surreal, juxtaposed, that's what I tried to do.

 

[(Wordy)]

I didn't know how to make something sound dreamy... Visual, surreal, juxtaposed, that's what I tried to do.

The last three sentences make it succeed in that way, imo. And I enjoyed the piece as a whole. I have a thing for short prose pieces / vignettes.

 

[lostNfound]

I liked it as was minus the explanation.

Similar to Wordy, I quite like short pieces of this nature.

 

[Mehm]

very abrupt, interesting

 

[Papa1]

Thanks Here's another one from the same file. Don't ask about the dead baby jesus, because I have no idea. That said, I like it tremendously.


Joseph looked at Mary. She had sat down to dip her bloody hands across the dew. Joseph didn’t need an argument. Alone but half drunk, he rode out to the graveyard with the dead child. There, behind a hill, over the slow road of three failed kings, a soft light dimmed and went out.

 

[New]

I like the "What If" and the horror present in it.

 

[thujone]

Similar to Wordy, I quite like short pieces of this nature.

here here for short pieces! this one takes me to a pleasant place, chewing a straw of grass under a tree in summer perhaps

 

[lostNfound]

^ haha, that thought alone has got me sitting on a hill under an old tree over looking a valley somewhere just now.

 

[swilow]

Theres almost a touch of Lovecraft to it, or E.A Poe....excellent.