SSRIs and therapy?

[geoffreychaucer]

Hello,
I just wanted to share where I am at and maybe get some of you all's lovely feedback if possible. I have what has been characterized as "severe depression" and also after taking the MMPI-2, very high anxiety. I believe I have had these afflictions my whole life. I am nineteen now and soon to be twenty. I was a sophomore at my college before I withdrew for the quarter and came home after only being there for one and a half weeks. Coming home was condoned by the school counseling center and my parents, two very supportive people that I am lucky to have. Since last November I have been pretty dependent on kratom and for the last several years I have been using cannabis pretty much all the time too.
Anyway, last March when I was finishing the winter quarter, I was very dependent on the kratom and became very depressed. I went to the hospital in the city where I go to school because I was feeling very suicidal. I came home then and went on sertraline (Zoloft) due to the urging of a psychiatrist. I absolutely hated being on the anti-depressants purely out of the idea of it. I have no trouble using kratom and cannabis to medicate but there is something about this mysterious, hardly noticeable, controversial pharmaceutical that is immensely unappealing to me. But anyway, I stopped using the fun drugs and kept up with the anti-depressants and went back to school. Once back at school, being on this anti-depressants felt very dishonest to me. It seems, when you take a recreational drug, you know what it is doing and you can feel its good effects. But with this stuff, its like you have no idea how it is actually affecting your mood which to me was very disconcerting. So after sometime I just stopped taking the anti-depressants and began using kratom and cannabis at a higher rate than I had before. That spring quarter went alright despite my heavy usage of both substances.
During the summer, I was high every day on cannabis and high on kratom as much as possible. The end of the summer came and a girl I had become involved with in the spring stayed at my house for a few days before we went back off to school. Once we got to school she dropped me. I was pretty upset about that obviously as she was the first girl I had ever had any sort of involvement with at any real level. I felt no resentment towards her though and was able to maintain a friendship with her that is still functioning. I do think however, that I maintain our close friendship out of hope that she will take me back or because it seems better to be friends than not to have any contact.
So, the quarter began and I was using both my drugs everyday to function. I finally opened up to my parents about my usage though just because I was so depressed through out the first week and a half. Finally, the other day I went to the counseling center and I got the go-ahead from the nice people there to withdraw. Now I am home as I said and am about to start back up on the hated anti-depressants. However, last time I took them I never gave them a chance to work so I recognize they may help me so I am giving it a chance. As for other drugs, I think I am able to not do them since I would feel too guilty. I do have very stupid fantasies about walking into the city, Chicago, and purchasing some of that fine dope we are so renowned for. That is just a stupid idea though and I very much doubt I would act on it. I am just very conscious that I am literally one or two miles away from these open air drug markets.
Anyways, I am going to go on the anti-depressants and give them a shot at working. Also I am going to be going to cognitive therapy sessions once a week. However, besides that I have three months until I could possibly go back to school and attend winter quarter.
1. What should I do with my time?
2. Also, what are you guys experiences with these anti-depressants?
3. How long until I start feeling something?
I am definitely no where near as depressed as I was in school since I am home with no pressure and my parents are here to help me. But still, without filling my time constructively I am afraid I will get depressed again, especially since I have no friends around really as they are also all at school. I really would appreciate you guys' experience and advice. Sorry for the long intro, I just thought it would be good to lay out the background information. Thanks so much everyone.

 

[spork]

Hi there. Your story sounds similar to mine. I'm glad you're giving the anti-depressants a try. I know how difficult it is to accept that you need help and possibly medications, but you coming to this realization shows that you're ready for change and to allow yourself the happiness that you deserve.

Is it possible that you can take one class now to keep yourself busy? I know when I first got help I started going back with just one class so I wouldn't get too bored and I felt like I could do something. You could even take local art classes or cooking classes or pick anything that you think would interest you. It doesn't necessarily have to be for college credit. Another option to keep busy is to volunteer. Not only will this fill in the days, but I think it can work kind of as an anti-depressant as well. I know when I'm helping others, be it animals or people, I feel good about myself.

For me, anti-depressants didn't really work. I was on several, including sertraline but they just didn't do much for me. It typically takes about 4-6 weeks of taking these types of medication before you might start feeling something, but everyone is different. Definitely notify your doctor IMMEDIATELY if you start feeling more depressed or suicidal from the medications. Try to keep away from other drugs as they could interfere with your prescriptions and often they just make you feel worse in the long run.

Stick with the CBT and take it seriously. Therapy was really what helped me get out of my depression and start living again. You can do some of your own research into CBT while you're waiting for your therapy to begin and that will also help you to pass your time.

It's great that your parents are so supportive and understanding. Make sure you keep those lines of communication open with them and lean on them if you need to. It sounds like you're doing what needs to be done, which can be the most difficult part of getting over this kind of depression. Keep working on yourself and be patient. If you need to vent or just need some friends that understand, feel free to post in TDS...that's what this forum is here for. Keep us updated as to how you're doing. I wish you all the best.

 

[privatestock1988]

i have the same story pretty much accept i never used kratom just cannabis and alcohol. im now on paxil an ssri and i was opposed to them aswelll but i gave it a chance and life is a bit better. ssris arent miricle drugs that fix u but they can help a bit. therapy helps more imo i dunno im pretty high right now on some good herb. just giving my 2 cents give your anti depressant a chance and maybe it can help u get through life a bit easier. also im on a low dose right now and should probably up the dose but im seeing my doc soon and we will talk about that. i got anxiety too on the side so that can make things worse for me it sucks but im dealing with it a bit better with some help. i have my days still where i feel like i dont wanna continue i dunno im just rambling now i hope this helps some peace out.