Spouse hates me.

[heartlandgolightly]

idk wtf to do. im on here reading and my husband sees it and gets all pissed. Doesn't really elaborate just spouts off with "why would you be reading that?" in a tone of contempt and walks off. Back story being, that he and I were both on pills, he got put on probation and had to stop, but I never did. He's always hated me using, but more because he wishes he could too. So when I decided to try and stop, he said ok and dropped it. If I try to talk to him about what I'm feeling, craving, emotional issues, anything regarding it, he just gets mad. I said something along the lines of "it's been almost three weeks with nothing" and his response was a very angry "so? i've been off for over a year, I dont get to whine about it" its like im supposed to just cold turkey it and shut the fuck up and forget it. i cant do that. i need to talk about this, i need him to care! i cant do this alone. im craving it so bad i feel like my skins crawling and theres sirens blaring in my ears and my legs are getting electroshock therapy and im ready to jump in the fucking car and go find some, and he just tells me to pretty much suck it up. Overall, we have a great marriage, it's just this that causes contention. I've been on a steady stream of pain pills since i was 12 (im 20 now), Up until about 6 months ago I've always kept a pretty good schedule very easily, havent had to up my dosage much at all (i started with Norco 5mgs once a week and i'm only now up to Oxy 20mgs 3 times a week) but as soon as the schedule quit working and I had to start upping it, I knew i had to stop, before it got out of control. So it may not sound like it should be that hard to kick, but this is all i've ever known, and Im scared to death to face life without it. And I don't think I can stop without his support, but if I don't, I could lose him all together.

(if this is posted in the wrong area, I'm sorry! Also I tried to minimize anything that could be triggering but If there was a problem i'm happy to edit, First post)

 

[Maya]

I personally think that your husband is quite selfish of not discussing your problem with the pills. The bottom line is HE HAS TO LISTEN!! Try to see if you can sit down with him and discuss this again, if not seek counselling. He has to understand that you are going through a hard time and that you need his support. Couples need each other's support! !

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey heartland and welcome to BL Congratulations on three weeks.. thats a great accomplishment. Keep at it!!

Im not saying your husband isn't being a bastard.. But I am saying he may not be being as big a bastard as you may think. Often times our emotional response can be extremely sensitive and the power of the emotion significantly greater than normal. He also may be giving you a little pay back for useing around him when he was forced to quit and go through what you are, only he did it around an active user

Addiction Guide

He sounds like it may be a little fed up with the whole thing. There are other places allot of addicts look for support.. Bluelight is a good one also there is smart or the fellowships on AA or NA.. Here are some links for you to check out around those.

SMART Recovery (Support Group information and discussion)
Twelve-Step Addiction Recovery Support Groups

The length of your habit and what looks like a probable resulting addiction at the end makes it likely that you will have a few things to develope a plan to promote the most peace for yourself and increase your chances of success.

You should be pretty much through the acute withdrawal at this point and sound like you are experiencing PAWS and an Addiction.

So I would develop and implement a few plans to deal with

The PAWS

LINKS
Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS)
Post Acute Withdrawal (PAW) Excerpted From “Staying Sober” By: Terence T. Gorski
Post-acute-withdrawal syndrome Wiki

Exercise and Brain Neurotransmission
Neurobiology of Exercise
Exercise 4 Health, Mental Health, and Addiction vs. I worked all that out

Chemicals and supplements to recover from opiate addiction
Diet & Neurogenesis


it is a powerful thing to keep our thoughts possitive and here are some threads many of us use to help us do this.
Managing depressive thinking
Good things about being off drugs/getting sober
Share something POSITIVE from your day!
Today I Am Thankful For... Ver. 3: Earth, Wind and Fire!

Here is the mindfulness thread.



Then the addiction. I would start by looking into the support groups of addicts who band together to give one another support and help. You may benefit from reading and participating in this thread.

July Getting/Staying Sober Thread vs Birds of a Feather


Since you were on the drugs for such a long time you are definitely going to have allot of things to learn.. this may be amplified as you started so young. Many times when we are on a drug constantly we kinda stall out and hang in a holding pattern as far as maturity and learning and developing social and life skills. This could be even more pronounced because the long time period you were useing also happened to be some pretty developmental intense periods in peoples lives. Because of this I would seriously consider seeing a good addiction counselor as they be able to help you adjust and catch back up on anything thing that may have stalled out.
Given that you were so young I also think the fellowships would be something I would seriously consider if I were in your situation as there approach may really fit you.

We all have to catch back up developmentally and heal from emotional wounds we may have just glossed over with the drugs so never really addressed and the fellowships are pretty good at both of these.

Ugg.. sorry super long post

Your doing great as its a hard thing to accomplish.. but your doing it!!

 

[Allein]

Long and short of it for me it's that you have to be doing this for yourself. It would be great of your spouse could offer support and encouragement but it seems he's not able to do so. I don't want to judge him for that, I dont know him or what's going on with his head ATM.

When I gave up drinking my wife carried on having her evening glass or 2 of wine, it's not the same situation but I use it to demonstrate that your drug use is your responsibility and yours alone, it's you taking the pills of whatever.

That said it's a shame he can't find the strength to offer you support, but as I said maybe he has his reasons, try not to let resentment build over this issue, that kind of thing can be so very damaging to a relationship

Hang on on there, don't let the stress of this push you into using

 

[mcopus82]

Hey heartlandgolightly. I know what you are going through. When I had to quit my opiate addiction my girlfriend of 8 years would fight me at every turn. It felt like she was doing it out of spite. But I really think it takes a toll on them to. To see us struggling and I know I was no where near the most pleasant man to be around. But I learned if I kept my cool in the heat of the moment and talked calmly she would eventually listen. Not always understanding but at least the situation was diffused. If you ever want someone to just unload on or talk with I would be more than honored to listen you can pm me anytime. I hope we chat soon

 

[bcfly7x7]

Welcome heartland,

Been there also, 7 years on a slew of opiates and benzodiazepines.im currently im 22 days clean. Im still going through PAWS, most symptoms are gone, but anxiety is still high, and the need to stretch is always there. As far as your husband, I agree there is resentment b/c of the probation he had to quit or goto jail.

Well time for him to WAKE THE FUCK UP. He got himself into that situation, not you, so if it is resentment, its on him. Try to explain why you need this, how it helps you, and that we pose not threat to you, him or your journey to.sobriety.

If he still wont listen, well then you have a choice to make, this is hard enough to do with help, doing it alone is nearly impossible especially without the support of the person who is supposed to be their best friend and soul mate.

Depending on your metabolism, weight, and body fat, you could have up to another 5 weeks of PAWS, hopefully not. Don't turn back now, find supportive people to be around. Check out an NA meeting. Just don't give in, each day will be easier. Look for the minor victories, build on them. You'll get better, if you have chronic pain like I do there are alternative ways to help with the pain. If you'd like me to expand let me know and I'd be more than happy to. Need to vent, I can listen.

Congrats on getting this far, just a bit more. Believe you can do this and I wish the best for you and your family.

Bob