DMT challenge.
The report/reflection: in parts it is quite random; doesn't flow; it kind of repeats in parts and is also of separate parts; it has elements of cringe worthy ranting that people on drugs can have; it has parts of terrible English; poor word choices; unskilled descriptions and bad grammar, but I will keep it this way, as it the way in which it was originally written and I do not wish to muddy it or smooth it out by rewriting it. It is accompanied with links and quotes which are quite fitting to help describe and make clear certain aspects of the experience. It also has later reflections on the experience as well as the immediate response/ranting....hope this makes sense, enjoy - check out the links.
Today a total break through, Shulgin PLUS FOUR (++++) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shulgin_Rating_Scale)
Method: (100mg+ - smoked through a 2L plastic bottle (bottom cut off and replaced by foil) one hit). I can not stress how good this method is, youtube: How I've Smoked (DMT) Dimethyltryptamine, (good bottle method: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtckVptu4I4) guy talking about his smoking methods. Choose the last one, with the bottle and foil. You really need to get a good 100+mgs in you,in one, not wasting any.
Attempts at describing the experience/process: DMT seems like two totally different animals there is a big jump from a plus 3 +++ to a plus 4 ++++. A whole world of difference:
There's the first one which we normally hear about, mad visions, mandalas, entities, colours patterns movement, fanciful journeys, the experience of eidetic imagery, feelings of oneness, anamnesis of divinity etc, but ego intact and generally aware you have a body. (Normally on low doses or poor quality product or ineffective technique)
Then there's the second one which comes out of the first one, normally from smoking A LOT more and or a better smoking method - complete involvement/immersion and then beyond words-ness. No more 'I', a total flash of madness like being struck by lightning, not being able to hold on and getting wiped out among the complete sensory overload of it all. Ego Death, being in the now 1*. Dam scary (well just before it happens, concludes, it is)!
http://files.shroomery.org/files/11-36/568072188-trippy_freaky.gif
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=XIncG-hyQBM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jGaio87u3A&feature=related&noredirect=1
'A small amount gives a wierd feeling in the body and some perceptual change. A larger amount gives strong body feelings and heavy visual effects , somewhat similar to LSD, but much more based around geometry, and changes of shape perception. A very large dose is totally awesome, and people's responses differ, from catatonia, to screaming, to total ecstasy. Some people describe it as a religious experience. Many people find they completely leave our universe for the duration, which is generally up to 5 minutes, with residual effects up to half an hour.'
http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/dmt/dmt_info2.shtml
I have had an ego death from smoking 100mgs of 5meo-DMT (I thought it was DMT and as 5meo-DMT dosage is much less, I completely overdosed as I did A DMT size dose, which was stupid as I could of stopped breathing, maybe I did?), I let go (had to), reality and time cracked and I fell through it and everything turn into A phosphene, then whited out (starting from the corner of my vision inwards) and it was transcendent an almost niceloss of space-time... merging with energy flux, but this DMT experience was just bizarre and a lot more confusing and bat shit crazy.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Phosphene_artistic_depiction.gif
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jGaio87u3A&feature=related&noredirect=1
'In the 10 to 15 minutes that my body was under the influence of the drug my mind was completely referenceless, there was no way for my consciousness to limit or gauge the stimuli my being was barraged with.'
http://www.erowid.org/library/books_online/tihkal/tihkal38.shtml
I thought I had maybe 'broken through' before many times on DMT as I had experienced the crazy patterns and feelings of entities etc, but now I know that all that was nothing, I know to ignore all past thoughts I had about breaking through, patterns, feeling 'a presence' and faux-ego death, dysphoric etc that was just hippy shit, this time it was real!
How could you possibly say: 'I felt at one with the universe, total ego death' Surely this is a contradiction 'I felt at one...' how can this be, when there is no I to feel?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZ4_75nT6_M&feature=related
But this time it was real, there was no 'I', complete annihilation! That being said there were parts of the trip where there was slight moments of rest-bite, where I got a small sense of 'me' just for a second, lying on my bed, clawing furiously at any reference points, mainly in vain, then finding something, for it to then rip that away from me too and to wipe me out again. This is maybe why it was so confusing and scary, as it was all over the place - as is this trip report which I have purposely left it to be.
So smoking an amount where you see mandalas, spirals, chrysanthemum, feelings of movement etc, - which we generally hear and read about - is amazing, but smoking enough (and it is all about amount and technique) is a completely new animal, a JESUS FUCK,~ type scary animal!
More ramblings wrote when coming down (with references added later):
First 20 seconds: It takes you, ah, I know this tactile and visual feeling, it's been hiding, you have shown me this before? I have went this far before, it feels familiar? (Does it trick you into not remembering or is it because there is nothing to hold on to, to remember). AH maybe I am wrong was that just an internal computer glitch? Like Ctrl and Alt has been pressed in my head and I know next will be 'delete.' SHIT!
25 seconds: just as the above thought flicked in my head, a feeling of PURE SHOCK! down to my stomach, this is so fucking alien, I know I am in for a ride and will get lost, that this thought is going to be my last thought, a feeling of a primeval survival kicks in, which feels oddly familiar,I know it’s going to take me and throw lots of feelings and sensations at me starting from this metallic sharp view that’s moved together in an almost mechanical way, (was it grey? Maybe not more like the fabric of reality was rippled, folding and moving, see the movie Blueberry with the trip scene and look at the centipede effect (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XwxqkNbO7A) ohhhh, trying to hold on, completely alien sensation, then gone, fast, ego death, then flicks of: 'oh I remember I’m here in my roommmmmm'- then gone again, different sensations, then back but a different view of the room or have I just forgotten what a room is? 'moving feels goodddd as it wakes me, makes me aware of this thing of a body and ego thing for half a second (leg twitched)'- thennn everythinggggggg gone again, then different madness, then backkk- gone, thennnnnn…
'[/I]The usual milestones for perception and memory were lacking. There could be no memory of the sequence of visions because there was no time -- and no memory of structure because space was converted into flowing process (see erowid dmt journal5 for an interesting aproach to counter act this matter, with an attempt to impose time-content mileposts on the flow of process).'
http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/dmt/dmt_journal5.shtml
'(with 100 mg, smoked) "As I exhaled I became terribly afraid, my heart very rapid and strong, palms sweating. A terrible sense of dread and doom filled me -- I knew what was happening, I knew I couldn't stop it, but it was so devastating; I was being destroyed -- all that was familiar, all reference points, all identity -- all viciously shattered in a few seconds. I couldn't even mourn the loss -- there was no one left to do the mourning.'
http://www.erowid.org/library/books_online/tihkal/tihkal06.shtml
In retrospect this slight regression momentarily back to reality (being aware of my body briefly while in the grip of the drug), could be related to my breathing (automatic of course), when I breathed in a deep breath (probably automatically out of shock) the room came back into focus or part of my dissolved ego drew back and I thought for a second, 'ah I am me,' to gather myself and relax as I was once again briefly aware of myself (breathing okay, good, have I pissed myself? No good. Hand moves to mouth in total aghast shock and horror of the general situation in a futile attempt to calm myself etc ~ all these in a quick moment, remember this is all happening very fast), then just as I thought/did this I was gone again, repeat and repeat.
Time unknown (think the time it took to finish one song-Ludvico Einaudi): back to realty, bedroom wall looks like a film, not real, breathing, computer generated, tinny echoing sound etc for a moment or two, then slowly becomes more solid. Then happy thoughts of: 'Right, I'm back', I am ‘me’ again. But everything breathed, like being on acid trips or lots of mushrooms, but even this felt like normal, after the place I had just been and disappearing back there, total shell shocked!
3 minutes after return: like déjà vu or liquid gold running through your fingers, this is going to be hard to hold on to, to remember as there was no ‘ground’ to or ‘I’ to base it on.
30 minutes: noticed slight pain in the center of my head/fore head. Touched between eyes and felt slight discomfort, have I just had my third eye wide open, is that what it was, does that exist, can I actually physically feel it or the aftermath of it, surely not, more like the stress of it all or did I unwillingly knock myself in the center of my forehead?
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Just a general feeling of WOW! – No real way to describe that! Nothing more to say, for now.
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Further ramblings regarding the same trip:
Eyes wide open whatever; you don’t have eyes any more, music playing whatever I didn't have ears to hear. I always worry about pissing myself (then later concerns of family/friends seeing me, (even though I was alone) like ‘what am I doing?’ no control), I would be destroyed, then it would echo back to this realty, and I would think survival mode like: ‘‘move breath it’s okay’’ then just as I thought this and have a spit second of a ‘grounding of reality’, of something to cling on to, I’m destroyed again, wiped out in the complete sensory overload, no reference points. Then it repeats but different realities/levels/views (the odd ‘reality’ lets me realize I am alive, before another ego death, but feels familiar, has this happened to me before when I smoked it? Surely not, I would have remembered, but for a second it felt like it had. I thought oh shit yeah, its this moment again, I remember this, I know this tactile feeling, everything is going to go completely batshit crazy and I have no choice about the matter. Really bizarre feeling that I knew the whole thing, de ja vu, just before all reference points were gone).
There was no real pattern to it all as far as I could tell or maybe there was, don’t know, maybe due to my breathing as mentioned before, which left a small link to normality / the physical, that would echo back to me, giving me the odd reference point in the complete sensory overload that was happening, but I can't say, too fast and crazy, and most of the time I had nothing to hold on to.
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It’s like it starts with your view being ultra-Sharpe and defined that it feels alien or robotic then it builds, crosses in on itself again and again, there’s movement and there’s pattern in everything or everything looks abstract for a split second, kind of like a metallic sharp optical illusion type thing (like all the air has been sucked out of the room), then it builds and it's totally abstract/alien and fly’s through different realities/levels of perception while destroying your ego!
Hard to describe images (before it gets totally abstract or beyond words or before the ego death so there is no ‘I’ to report), robot, alien feel, but organic, sharper than real, layers, then fear ‘oh shit!’ engulfed, abstracted, changing fast, then fear, then no ‘I’ to fear, then waves of back to reality, fear/shock, then no fear. Excellent come down, lamented that it’s gone but ecstatic that is has! 'I’m okay!' then sad that the come down has gone, with all this own trippyness, in the amount of time it took to type this paragraph.
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I think it might of or might not have been flicking through different realities/views/sounds/textures/symbols or concepts so I didn’t have time to hold on to one thing, digital robotic reality, then abstract, then different types of patter sharp realities. 'Oh I see the room again','oh there is an 'I' again' -flicks to different types of viewing/realities (eyes wide open, I think staring like a madman in shock, God knows what I looked like!), no ground to stand on, no ‘I’ to stand, fast changes! When you are struck by lightning the last tihing you do is take mental notes. I cannot put it into words.
I panicked when for a few breath moment I knew I was me that maybe I had pissed myself or cried out – I hadn’t.
No way I could do this often (but I know I will force myself to do it again and again), need to save this for special times, once a month/year if ever! There is no right time to do this or preparation.
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Why did that feel familiar at the start and the end? I feel like I have forgotten something important – dejavu! It might of just been that overwhelming feeling of a chemical that's is building at the max curve in your blood, which you know will knock you off your feet, similar to that tactile trippy feeling I got when I was gased at the dentist as a child, maybe? Or is it because it occurs naturally in the human brain so there is an element of 'oh, I know this?'Or is it because it breaks you away from process and leaves you in the complete now which we are all ware of or have had experience with on some level? 1*
I have the constant feeling most days, that I am an old man that is just about to die, looking back on my life. DMT made me feel like that day had come.
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Note to self: next time have something to write on/with (paper/keyboard) closer at hand, but it doesn't matter I could not put that into words. Also remember to enjoy the comedown more (everything breaths, the Louis Wain trippy cat painting I have, the colours and patterns moved in itself, amazing!), don’t bother writing in the come down like I have just done, wait till it ends, enjoy it as it's too brief.
Not sure if I could do this with someone watching, not that it would matter, God knows what I looked like.
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Could not sleep well for a few nights after as I am finding it hard to actually come to terms with what just happened. I think that is the thing about DMT you can't categorize it, there needs to be more words in the English language for emotions and states of realities and types of consciousnesses.
You are lying there your eyes have just popped out of your head, your ears are ringing and your arsehole has just fell off your arse and then you try to put it into words! It's the most idiosyncratic thing there is.
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I have 4 grams of this stuff and I am not sure if I will ever have the balls to do it again. I don't know maybe I am just tired today, I more than likely, I will shock and amaze myself again, one day, to get lost in the a-maze.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcJj0LIRAKA&feature=relmfu
Very interesting and without doubt the most bizarre thing that has ever happened to me and I have lead a colourful life. DMT is a real oddity.
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(Two month reflection of the general experience: )
*Regarding the expulsion of ‘process’ and being in the ‘now:’
These states of consciousness have led me to believe that we are all just toying with ‘the now.’
‘Actually, there's only one instant, and it's right now, and it's eternity. And it's an instant in which God is posing a question, and that question is basically, 'Do you want to, you know, be one with eternity? Do you want to be in heaven?' And we're all saying, 'No thank you. Not just yet.' And so time is actually just this constant saying 'No' to God's invitation. I mean that's what time is. I mean, and it's no more 50 A.D. than it's two thousand and one. And there's just this one instant, and that's what we're always in.’ http://wakinglifemovie.net/Transcript/Chapter/18
What is ‘the now?’ Well ‘the now’ is zero time, being completely in the moment, transcendence, ego death, call it what you will. What is ‘the process?’ Process’ is our own subjective view point in time, it is movement, language/speech 2*, it is progression, space and time and it is life.
‘That which takes the place of the conventional world of time and space, oneself and others is properly described by negations-‘unborn, unorginated, uncreated, unformed’ – because its nature is neither verbal nor conceptual. In brief, the ‘seers’ of this reality are the ‘disenchanted’ and ‘disillusioned’ – those who are able to employ thoughts, ideas and words without being spellbound and hypnotized by their magic.’ (Alan Watts Myth & Ritual in Christianity)
We are all refusing ‘the now’ by living, by being a part of the process. However we toy with being in ‘the now’ or the feeling of ‘the now’ in many ways. Alcohol gives you a moment of oblivion/ now-ness, methamphetamine, crack cocaine a rush of ‘the now’ a grounding of being in the moment, heroin a warm nothing matters but this moment, kind of ‘now,’ yogic practices, sport, making and listening to music is a good way to feel ‘the now’ (we don’t listen to a song to hear the end, but to live in ‘the now’ of the beat/sound), making or viewing art (the feeling that your work isn't coming from you, like you are channeling it and viewing art when you feel that moment of revelation of a 'wow' you can't find the words for), sex (that excitement of being stimulated in ‘the now’ and that moment of letting go and being in ‘the now’ at the peak of orgasm), danger, love / falling in love, near death experiences and ultimately death, where we subjectively and ultimately leave ‘the process,’ the ticking of time and be in that moment of ‘now,’ and (I am led to believe) not returning back to ‘the process,’ to name just a few (though reflection on reincarnation isn’t explored here).
Some chemicals rocket you into’ the now’ with such disorientating speed. Take 5meo-DMT for instance (and I am talking large amounts when discussing chemicals), personally, it cracked ‘the process’ (I literally heard it, with that famous crunch Terrance McKenna talks about) and shot me into ‘the now,’ everything whited out, there was no longer any ‘process’ and therefore no ‘me’ as I am part of my own subjective view point of ‘process.’.
Interestingly just before you reach that moment of ‘now-ness’ and you leave behind ‘process’, you become acutely aware of ‘process.’ You only know what you have when you no longer have it, you only ‘miss’ something when it’s no longer there. All this results in the commonly discussed (Jung’s collective consciousness maybe?) feelings of being aware of the universe, the pattern of everything, the connection of everything, a kind of pantheistic awareness that most psychonauts /counter culture / metaphysicians talk about.
Why do we have these two dualities then, ‘process’ and ‘the now’? Well first I feel it’s not a duality at all, ‘the now’ is just an undulation of ‘the process.’ You need ‘the process’ (call it time, life, language, your subjective view point etc) for the ‘the now,’ to ‘exist’. You can’t have a one sided coin, you need white to have black and vice versa, how can you have life without death, how do you know you are alive without one ‘time’ being dead? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nz3EhqWRY8
DMT I find very obscure as it is very visual and you experience eidetic imagery, patterns and symbols visually of ‘the process’ before repelling you into ‘the now.’
So where does this leave us? Well it only really leaves us the exploration and language (language is ‘process’ anyway) to talk about ‘the process’, as how can you describe ‘the now,’ how can you really describe stepping outside everything including yourself? There are no words as there is nothing to talk about.
‘For reality is neither multiple, temporal, spatial, nor dual. Figuratively speaking, it is the One rather than the Many. But it appears to be the Many by a process variously described as manifestation, creation by the Word, sacrificial dismemberment, art, play, or illusion-to name but a few of the terms by which the doctrine accounts for the existence of the conventional world’ (Alan Watts Myth & Ritual in Christianity)
2*
Hindu mythology maintains that everything was called into being by Vak, which is speech or shabda, sound. Indeed, the Hindu insists that the roots of their sacred language are not merely the roots verbs and nouns, but the roots of things themselves, which come into being by the utterance of the primordial words. In the Chinese tradition the formative principle of the world is called Tao, which originally meant ‘speech.’(Alan Watts Ritual and Myth in Christianity)
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Tips:
Smoke a lot 100+mgs and use the bottle with bottom cut off, with foil covering the bottom, with DMT on top (see youtube 'how i smokme dmt vid), method.
http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=Lo...0&ndsp=10&ved=1t:429,r:2,s:0,i:75&tx=71&ty=39
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XwxqkNbO7A
Good description, though stop reading at the part where he says 'the rest is all lies' (because it is):
http://deoxy.org/timemind.htm
Good description: 'It is possible to lose all contact with the senses and the world briefly while on DMT, as it is, e.g. from a combination of nitrous oxide and LSD:'
http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/dmt/dmt_info2.shtml
'Burroughs told a gripping tale about a psychiatrist in London who had taken DMT with a friend. After a few minutes the frightened friend began requesting help. The psychiatrist, himself being spun through a universe of shuttling, vibratory pigments, reached for his hypodermic needle (which had been fragmented into a shimmering assemblage of wave mosaics) and bent over to administer an antidote. Much to his dismay his friend, twisting in panic, was suddenly transformed into a writhing, wiggling reptile, jewel-encrusted and sparkling. The doctor's dilemma: where to make an intravenous injection in a squirming, oriental-martian snake?'
http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/dmt/dmt_journal5.shtml
it was 'like loading the Universe into a gun and firing it into your brain'. ~ Alan Watts
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEdxrHud5tE&feature=related
DMT HANDBOOK:
https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&r...5pROTFILRW5zQ&bvm=bv.1355325884,d.d2k&cad=rja
The report/reflection: in parts it is quite random; doesn't flow; it kind of repeats in parts and is also of separate parts; it has elements of cringe worthy ranting that people on drugs can have; it has parts of terrible English; poor word choices; unskilled descriptions and bad grammar, but I will keep it this way, as it the way in which it was originally written and I do not wish to muddy it or smooth it out by rewriting it. It is accompanied with links and quotes which are quite fitting to help describe and make clear certain aspects of the experience. It also has later reflections on the experience as well as the immediate response/ranting....hope this makes sense, enjoy - check out the links.
Today a total break through, Shulgin PLUS FOUR (++++) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shulgin_Rating_Scale)
Method: (100mg+ - smoked through a 2L plastic bottle (bottom cut off and replaced by foil) one hit). I can not stress how good this method is, youtube: How I've Smoked (DMT) Dimethyltryptamine, (good bottle method: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtckVptu4I4) guy talking about his smoking methods. Choose the last one, with the bottle and foil. You really need to get a good 100+mgs in you,in one, not wasting any.
Attempts at describing the experience/process: DMT seems like two totally different animals there is a big jump from a plus 3 +++ to a plus 4 ++++. A whole world of difference:
There's the first one which we normally hear about, mad visions, mandalas, entities, colours patterns movement, fanciful journeys, the experience of eidetic imagery, feelings of oneness, anamnesis of divinity etc, but ego intact and generally aware you have a body. (Normally on low doses or poor quality product or ineffective technique)
Then there's the second one which comes out of the first one, normally from smoking A LOT more and or a better smoking method - complete involvement/immersion and then beyond words-ness. No more 'I', a total flash of madness like being struck by lightning, not being able to hold on and getting wiped out among the complete sensory overload of it all. Ego Death, being in the now 1*. Dam scary (well just before it happens, concludes, it is)!
http://files.shroomery.org/files/11-36/568072188-trippy_freaky.gif
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=XIncG-hyQBM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jGaio87u3A&feature=related&noredirect=1
'A small amount gives a wierd feeling in the body and some perceptual change. A larger amount gives strong body feelings and heavy visual effects , somewhat similar to LSD, but much more based around geometry, and changes of shape perception. A very large dose is totally awesome, and people's responses differ, from catatonia, to screaming, to total ecstasy. Some people describe it as a religious experience. Many people find they completely leave our universe for the duration, which is generally up to 5 minutes, with residual effects up to half an hour.'
http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/dmt/dmt_info2.shtml
I have had an ego death from smoking 100mgs of 5meo-DMT (I thought it was DMT and as 5meo-DMT dosage is much less, I completely overdosed as I did A DMT size dose, which was stupid as I could of stopped breathing, maybe I did?), I let go (had to), reality and time cracked and I fell through it and everything turn into A phosphene, then whited out (starting from the corner of my vision inwards) and it was transcendent an almost niceloss of space-time... merging with energy flux, but this DMT experience was just bizarre and a lot more confusing and bat shit crazy.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Phosphene_artistic_depiction.gif
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jGaio87u3A&feature=related&noredirect=1
'In the 10 to 15 minutes that my body was under the influence of the drug my mind was completely referenceless, there was no way for my consciousness to limit or gauge the stimuli my being was barraged with.'
http://www.erowid.org/library/books_online/tihkal/tihkal38.shtml
I thought I had maybe 'broken through' before many times on DMT as I had experienced the crazy patterns and feelings of entities etc, but now I know that all that was nothing, I know to ignore all past thoughts I had about breaking through, patterns, feeling 'a presence' and faux-ego death, dysphoric etc that was just hippy shit, this time it was real!
How could you possibly say: 'I felt at one with the universe, total ego death' Surely this is a contradiction 'I felt at one...' how can this be, when there is no I to feel?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZ4_75nT6_M&feature=related
But this time it was real, there was no 'I', complete annihilation! That being said there were parts of the trip where there was slight moments of rest-bite, where I got a small sense of 'me' just for a second, lying on my bed, clawing furiously at any reference points, mainly in vain, then finding something, for it to then rip that away from me too and to wipe me out again. This is maybe why it was so confusing and scary, as it was all over the place - as is this trip report which I have purposely left it to be.
So smoking an amount where you see mandalas, spirals, chrysanthemum, feelings of movement etc, - which we generally hear and read about - is amazing, but smoking enough (and it is all about amount and technique) is a completely new animal, a JESUS FUCK,~ type scary animal!
More ramblings wrote when coming down (with references added later):
First 20 seconds: It takes you, ah, I know this tactile and visual feeling, it's been hiding, you have shown me this before? I have went this far before, it feels familiar? (Does it trick you into not remembering or is it because there is nothing to hold on to, to remember). AH maybe I am wrong was that just an internal computer glitch? Like Ctrl and Alt has been pressed in my head and I know next will be 'delete.' SHIT!
25 seconds: just as the above thought flicked in my head, a feeling of PURE SHOCK! down to my stomach, this is so fucking alien, I know I am in for a ride and will get lost, that this thought is going to be my last thought, a feeling of a primeval survival kicks in, which feels oddly familiar,I know it’s going to take me and throw lots of feelings and sensations at me starting from this metallic sharp view that’s moved together in an almost mechanical way, (was it grey? Maybe not more like the fabric of reality was rippled, folding and moving, see the movie Blueberry with the trip scene and look at the centipede effect (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XwxqkNbO7A) ohhhh, trying to hold on, completely alien sensation, then gone, fast, ego death, then flicks of: 'oh I remember I’m here in my roommmmmm'- then gone again, different sensations, then back but a different view of the room or have I just forgotten what a room is? 'moving feels goodddd as it wakes me, makes me aware of this thing of a body and ego thing for half a second (leg twitched)'- thennn everythinggggggg gone again, then different madness, then backkk- gone, thennnnnn…
'[/I]The usual milestones for perception and memory were lacking. There could be no memory of the sequence of visions because there was no time -- and no memory of structure because space was converted into flowing process (see erowid dmt journal5 for an interesting aproach to counter act this matter, with an attempt to impose time-content mileposts on the flow of process).'
http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/dmt/dmt_journal5.shtml
'(with 100 mg, smoked) "As I exhaled I became terribly afraid, my heart very rapid and strong, palms sweating. A terrible sense of dread and doom filled me -- I knew what was happening, I knew I couldn't stop it, but it was so devastating; I was being destroyed -- all that was familiar, all reference points, all identity -- all viciously shattered in a few seconds. I couldn't even mourn the loss -- there was no one left to do the mourning.'
http://www.erowid.org/library/books_online/tihkal/tihkal06.shtml
In retrospect this slight regression momentarily back to reality (being aware of my body briefly while in the grip of the drug), could be related to my breathing (automatic of course), when I breathed in a deep breath (probably automatically out of shock) the room came back into focus or part of my dissolved ego drew back and I thought for a second, 'ah I am me,' to gather myself and relax as I was once again briefly aware of myself (breathing okay, good, have I pissed myself? No good. Hand moves to mouth in total aghast shock and horror of the general situation in a futile attempt to calm myself etc ~ all these in a quick moment, remember this is all happening very fast), then just as I thought/did this I was gone again, repeat and repeat.
Time unknown (think the time it took to finish one song-Ludvico Einaudi): back to realty, bedroom wall looks like a film, not real, breathing, computer generated, tinny echoing sound etc for a moment or two, then slowly becomes more solid. Then happy thoughts of: 'Right, I'm back', I am ‘me’ again. But everything breathed, like being on acid trips or lots of mushrooms, but even this felt like normal, after the place I had just been and disappearing back there, total shell shocked!
3 minutes after return: like déjà vu or liquid gold running through your fingers, this is going to be hard to hold on to, to remember as there was no ‘ground’ to or ‘I’ to base it on.
30 minutes: noticed slight pain in the center of my head/fore head. Touched between eyes and felt slight discomfort, have I just had my third eye wide open, is that what it was, does that exist, can I actually physically feel it or the aftermath of it, surely not, more like the stress of it all or did I unwillingly knock myself in the center of my forehead?
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Just a general feeling of WOW! – No real way to describe that! Nothing more to say, for now.
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Further ramblings regarding the same trip:
Eyes wide open whatever; you don’t have eyes any more, music playing whatever I didn't have ears to hear. I always worry about pissing myself (then later concerns of family/friends seeing me, (even though I was alone) like ‘what am I doing?’ no control), I would be destroyed, then it would echo back to this realty, and I would think survival mode like: ‘‘move breath it’s okay’’ then just as I thought this and have a spit second of a ‘grounding of reality’, of something to cling on to, I’m destroyed again, wiped out in the complete sensory overload, no reference points. Then it repeats but different realities/levels/views (the odd ‘reality’ lets me realize I am alive, before another ego death, but feels familiar, has this happened to me before when I smoked it? Surely not, I would have remembered, but for a second it felt like it had. I thought oh shit yeah, its this moment again, I remember this, I know this tactile feeling, everything is going to go completely batshit crazy and I have no choice about the matter. Really bizarre feeling that I knew the whole thing, de ja vu, just before all reference points were gone).
There was no real pattern to it all as far as I could tell or maybe there was, don’t know, maybe due to my breathing as mentioned before, which left a small link to normality / the physical, that would echo back to me, giving me the odd reference point in the complete sensory overload that was happening, but I can't say, too fast and crazy, and most of the time I had nothing to hold on to.
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It’s like it starts with your view being ultra-Sharpe and defined that it feels alien or robotic then it builds, crosses in on itself again and again, there’s movement and there’s pattern in everything or everything looks abstract for a split second, kind of like a metallic sharp optical illusion type thing (like all the air has been sucked out of the room), then it builds and it's totally abstract/alien and fly’s through different realities/levels of perception while destroying your ego!
Hard to describe images (before it gets totally abstract or beyond words or before the ego death so there is no ‘I’ to report), robot, alien feel, but organic, sharper than real, layers, then fear ‘oh shit!’ engulfed, abstracted, changing fast, then fear, then no ‘I’ to fear, then waves of back to reality, fear/shock, then no fear. Excellent come down, lamented that it’s gone but ecstatic that is has! 'I’m okay!' then sad that the come down has gone, with all this own trippyness, in the amount of time it took to type this paragraph.
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I think it might of or might not have been flicking through different realities/views/sounds/textures/symbols or concepts so I didn’t have time to hold on to one thing, digital robotic reality, then abstract, then different types of patter sharp realities. 'Oh I see the room again','oh there is an 'I' again' -flicks to different types of viewing/realities (eyes wide open, I think staring like a madman in shock, God knows what I looked like!), no ground to stand on, no ‘I’ to stand, fast changes! When you are struck by lightning the last tihing you do is take mental notes. I cannot put it into words.
I panicked when for a few breath moment I knew I was me that maybe I had pissed myself or cried out – I hadn’t.
No way I could do this often (but I know I will force myself to do it again and again), need to save this for special times, once a month/year if ever! There is no right time to do this or preparation.
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Why did that feel familiar at the start and the end? I feel like I have forgotten something important – dejavu! It might of just been that overwhelming feeling of a chemical that's is building at the max curve in your blood, which you know will knock you off your feet, similar to that tactile trippy feeling I got when I was gased at the dentist as a child, maybe? Or is it because it occurs naturally in the human brain so there is an element of 'oh, I know this?'Or is it because it breaks you away from process and leaves you in the complete now which we are all ware of or have had experience with on some level? 1*
I have the constant feeling most days, that I am an old man that is just about to die, looking back on my life. DMT made me feel like that day had come.
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Note to self: next time have something to write on/with (paper/keyboard) closer at hand, but it doesn't matter I could not put that into words. Also remember to enjoy the comedown more (everything breaths, the Louis Wain trippy cat painting I have, the colours and patterns moved in itself, amazing!), don’t bother writing in the come down like I have just done, wait till it ends, enjoy it as it's too brief.
Not sure if I could do this with someone watching, not that it would matter, God knows what I looked like.
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Could not sleep well for a few nights after as I am finding it hard to actually come to terms with what just happened. I think that is the thing about DMT you can't categorize it, there needs to be more words in the English language for emotions and states of realities and types of consciousnesses.
You are lying there your eyes have just popped out of your head, your ears are ringing and your arsehole has just fell off your arse and then you try to put it into words! It's the most idiosyncratic thing there is.
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I have 4 grams of this stuff and I am not sure if I will ever have the balls to do it again. I don't know maybe I am just tired today, I more than likely, I will shock and amaze myself again, one day, to get lost in the a-maze.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcJj0LIRAKA&feature=relmfu
Very interesting and without doubt the most bizarre thing that has ever happened to me and I have lead a colourful life. DMT is a real oddity.
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(Two month reflection of the general experience: )
*Regarding the expulsion of ‘process’ and being in the ‘now:’
These states of consciousness have led me to believe that we are all just toying with ‘the now.’
‘Actually, there's only one instant, and it's right now, and it's eternity. And it's an instant in which God is posing a question, and that question is basically, 'Do you want to, you know, be one with eternity? Do you want to be in heaven?' And we're all saying, 'No thank you. Not just yet.' And so time is actually just this constant saying 'No' to God's invitation. I mean that's what time is. I mean, and it's no more 50 A.D. than it's two thousand and one. And there's just this one instant, and that's what we're always in.’ http://wakinglifemovie.net/Transcript/Chapter/18
What is ‘the now?’ Well ‘the now’ is zero time, being completely in the moment, transcendence, ego death, call it what you will. What is ‘the process?’ Process’ is our own subjective view point in time, it is movement, language/speech 2*, it is progression, space and time and it is life.
‘That which takes the place of the conventional world of time and space, oneself and others is properly described by negations-‘unborn, unorginated, uncreated, unformed’ – because its nature is neither verbal nor conceptual. In brief, the ‘seers’ of this reality are the ‘disenchanted’ and ‘disillusioned’ – those who are able to employ thoughts, ideas and words without being spellbound and hypnotized by their magic.’ (Alan Watts Myth & Ritual in Christianity)
We are all refusing ‘the now’ by living, by being a part of the process. However we toy with being in ‘the now’ or the feeling of ‘the now’ in many ways. Alcohol gives you a moment of oblivion/ now-ness, methamphetamine, crack cocaine a rush of ‘the now’ a grounding of being in the moment, heroin a warm nothing matters but this moment, kind of ‘now,’ yogic practices, sport, making and listening to music is a good way to feel ‘the now’ (we don’t listen to a song to hear the end, but to live in ‘the now’ of the beat/sound), making or viewing art (the feeling that your work isn't coming from you, like you are channeling it and viewing art when you feel that moment of revelation of a 'wow' you can't find the words for), sex (that excitement of being stimulated in ‘the now’ and that moment of letting go and being in ‘the now’ at the peak of orgasm), danger, love / falling in love, near death experiences and ultimately death, where we subjectively and ultimately leave ‘the process,’ the ticking of time and be in that moment of ‘now,’ and (I am led to believe) not returning back to ‘the process,’ to name just a few (though reflection on reincarnation isn’t explored here).
Some chemicals rocket you into’ the now’ with such disorientating speed. Take 5meo-DMT for instance (and I am talking large amounts when discussing chemicals), personally, it cracked ‘the process’ (I literally heard it, with that famous crunch Terrance McKenna talks about) and shot me into ‘the now,’ everything whited out, there was no longer any ‘process’ and therefore no ‘me’ as I am part of my own subjective view point of ‘process.’.
Interestingly just before you reach that moment of ‘now-ness’ and you leave behind ‘process’, you become acutely aware of ‘process.’ You only know what you have when you no longer have it, you only ‘miss’ something when it’s no longer there. All this results in the commonly discussed (Jung’s collective consciousness maybe?) feelings of being aware of the universe, the pattern of everything, the connection of everything, a kind of pantheistic awareness that most psychonauts /counter culture / metaphysicians talk about.
Why do we have these two dualities then, ‘process’ and ‘the now’? Well first I feel it’s not a duality at all, ‘the now’ is just an undulation of ‘the process.’ You need ‘the process’ (call it time, life, language, your subjective view point etc) for the ‘the now,’ to ‘exist’. You can’t have a one sided coin, you need white to have black and vice versa, how can you have life without death, how do you know you are alive without one ‘time’ being dead? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nz3EhqWRY8
DMT I find very obscure as it is very visual and you experience eidetic imagery, patterns and symbols visually of ‘the process’ before repelling you into ‘the now.’
So where does this leave us? Well it only really leaves us the exploration and language (language is ‘process’ anyway) to talk about ‘the process’, as how can you describe ‘the now,’ how can you really describe stepping outside everything including yourself? There are no words as there is nothing to talk about.
‘For reality is neither multiple, temporal, spatial, nor dual. Figuratively speaking, it is the One rather than the Many. But it appears to be the Many by a process variously described as manifestation, creation by the Word, sacrificial dismemberment, art, play, or illusion-to name but a few of the terms by which the doctrine accounts for the existence of the conventional world’ (Alan Watts Myth & Ritual in Christianity)
2*
Hindu mythology maintains that everything was called into being by Vak, which is speech or shabda, sound. Indeed, the Hindu insists that the roots of their sacred language are not merely the roots verbs and nouns, but the roots of things themselves, which come into being by the utterance of the primordial words. In the Chinese tradition the formative principle of the world is called Tao, which originally meant ‘speech.’(Alan Watts Ritual and Myth in Christianity)
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Tips:
Smoke a lot 100+mgs and use the bottle with bottom cut off, with foil covering the bottom, with DMT on top (see youtube 'how i smokme dmt vid), method.
http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=Lo...0&ndsp=10&ved=1t:429,r:2,s:0,i:75&tx=71&ty=39
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XwxqkNbO7A
Good description, though stop reading at the part where he says 'the rest is all lies' (because it is):
http://deoxy.org/timemind.htm
Good description: 'It is possible to lose all contact with the senses and the world briefly while on DMT, as it is, e.g. from a combination of nitrous oxide and LSD:'
http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/dmt/dmt_info2.shtml
'Burroughs told a gripping tale about a psychiatrist in London who had taken DMT with a friend. After a few minutes the frightened friend began requesting help. The psychiatrist, himself being spun through a universe of shuttling, vibratory pigments, reached for his hypodermic needle (which had been fragmented into a shimmering assemblage of wave mosaics) and bent over to administer an antidote. Much to his dismay his friend, twisting in panic, was suddenly transformed into a writhing, wiggling reptile, jewel-encrusted and sparkling. The doctor's dilemma: where to make an intravenous injection in a squirming, oriental-martian snake?'
http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/dmt/dmt_journal5.shtml
it was 'like loading the Universe into a gun and firing it into your brain'. ~ Alan Watts
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEdxrHud5tE&feature=related
DMT HANDBOOK:
https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&r...5pROTFILRW5zQ&bvm=bv.1355325884,d.d2k&cad=rja
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