Obviously I haven't been around lately, I'm sure most could assume why. There is only one real reason I ever stop doing things I consider "normal" activities. A few nights ago, on wed evening I want to say. I had just had one of the fucking worst nights I've had in a long time. I got myself locked out of my car, lost my debit card, got ripped off on my first check, and my car got hit...just more shit then I could handle at the moment. A friend of mine Chuck sent me a message and said he would text me later once he got home and if I wanted to I could swing by which honestly by this point I could use the company.
On my way to his place he sent me another text asking if I would get him two dozen doughnuts from the local store and he'd get me back for it later. I didn't mind of course, he was on of the few friends I trusted and never ripped me off. When I got there I could tell he was very grateful for me bringing him food. So grateful in fact he offered me not only heroin, but some coke.
After the long day I had of course I said just a little, even though I knew I was flat out lying to myself and this was going to be the start of a binge which would leave me broke till my next check. I've just accepted that I'm an addict and when I use anything other then marijuana I seem to know / have no limit. We started out shooting a little bit of cocaine, then we did two speed ball's. I couldn't even tell you how much black and white we went through by the end of that night but I was fucked up. I couldn't even hold my thoughts consistent throughout a conversation. We would start talking about one thing, then switch over to something completely different but we both were messed up and didn't realize it till after the fact. This went on for the next two days and I did have to work those days. I didn't sleep at all during that time and my comedown off the cocaine was horrible. What was even worse was since I'd been using heroin and wasn't on my subs for that time, I got dope sick once I was out of dope. I forgot how much heroin withdrawal sucked.
Then to top it all off, working while coming down off these drugs made me sick to the point where I was puking and shaking at my desk. Finally after having two days off I made a recovery, and am now stable again. I love and want my drugs, but I need my job and as much as I want to just say those wonderful two words all addicts love "fuck it", I understand my job has to come before my addictions. I shouldn't have done all that knowing the comedown was going to be hard and I had to work, but I chose to and dealt with the consequences (feeling like complete shit at work).
Everything is back on track though, I'm doing great at work, going to the gym, and working with clients. Guess I just got side-tracked for a brief moment there.
On my way to his place he sent me another text asking if I would get him two dozen doughnuts from the local store and he'd get me back for it later. I didn't mind of course, he was on of the few friends I trusted and never ripped me off. When I got there I could tell he was very grateful for me bringing him food. So grateful in fact he offered me not only heroin, but some coke.
After the long day I had of course I said just a little, even though I knew I was flat out lying to myself and this was going to be the start of a binge which would leave me broke till my next check. I've just accepted that I'm an addict and when I use anything other then marijuana I seem to know / have no limit. We started out shooting a little bit of cocaine, then we did two speed ball's. I couldn't even tell you how much black and white we went through by the end of that night but I was fucked up. I couldn't even hold my thoughts consistent throughout a conversation. We would start talking about one thing, then switch over to something completely different but we both were messed up and didn't realize it till after the fact. This went on for the next two days and I did have to work those days. I didn't sleep at all during that time and my comedown off the cocaine was horrible. What was even worse was since I'd been using heroin and wasn't on my subs for that time, I got dope sick once I was out of dope. I forgot how much heroin withdrawal sucked.
Then to top it all off, working while coming down off these drugs made me sick to the point where I was puking and shaking at my desk. Finally after having two days off I made a recovery, and am now stable again. I love and want my drugs, but I need my job and as much as I want to just say those wonderful two words all addicts love "fuck it", I understand my job has to come before my addictions. I shouldn't have done all that knowing the comedown was going to be hard and I had to work, but I chose to and dealt with the consequences (feeling like complete shit at work).
Everything is back on track though, I'm doing great at work, going to the gym, and working with clients. Guess I just got side-tracked for a brief moment there.