Spanking/smacking children

[goatofthenever]

I think the key is to be so hard-assed with them when they're young that they won't even think of mouthing off to their parents when they're older.

I hope you're kidding. My dad was a hard ass to me when i was a kid, all he did was yell, scream, and cuss at me for every little thing i did.
I won't mouth off to him, but i won't talk to him either.
ya, i got issues....

 

[SA]

Funny how we think of our parents as the ultimate inept disciplanary beings, just as they had thought of their parents, just as our kids will undoubtedly think of us. Each generation looks upon the hurt inflicted by, not mistakes made by, the previous generation. They then adjust their next generation's discipline "a notch down" from the disciplinary tactics of the prior generation.

I grew up with parents of "it's okay to torture your kids" generation. The last thing I myself would do is lay a heavy hand on a child/kid. Humans are not the only species to spank a child, but they are the only species to get "carried away" with spanking. That term always killed me - "carried away". The parents who get carried away with spanking their kids should get carried away - permanently.

Spanking is one hell of a cop out

The absolute truth! I hope people take note of this.

 

[fizzygirl]

My parents "believed" in spanking, but I only remember one spanking from my entire childhood. I never got grounded either....I'd like to think I was just a pretty good kid, but maybe I just have a bad memory?

 

[Finder]

I can't only remember a handful (if that) of times that I was actually hit as a child. It was usually a quick rap on the back of the hand with a rubber spatula. Nothing damaging, just something that stung. Usually, I was grounded or had privileges revoked.

I didn't grow up to be a psychopath because I got rapped on the back of the hand a few times. Some of you people are too fucking sensitive. Kids these days are pampered beyond belief.

 

[kandyraverchick]

I wouldn't say sensitive, compassionate sums it up best.

 

[invisible5]

Some of you people are too fucking sensitive. Kids these days are pampered beyond belief.

I agree, my parents hit me, never terribly hard and never for no reason. I'd like to think I am a better person because of it and even these days, when I'm way to old for them to hit me, I still have much respect for them and would never call them names or abuse them. I know other kids who were never or very rarely disciplined and they can be quite abusive and disrespectful towards their parents.

In conclusion :D It seems a common trend in my life at least that the kids who were disciplined have much more respect for their parents than those who don't. And I want my kids to respect me!

 

[DigitalDuality]

Dead on Finder. I dunno... that's the one thing that me and most of liberal america disagree on.. (well that and the smoking thing).. i'm not in full support of the puss-ification of america. sorry.

 

[Finder]

^It also has to do with things like removing dodge ball from school...just little things like that. Whatever happened to kids playing outside and learning the hard way not to do something? People are raising sheltered, pussified children these days.

Originally posted by kandyraverchick
I wouldn't say sensitive, compassionate sums it up best.

No, sensitive is the correct term.

 

[Miss_Spitfire]

Some of you people are too fucking sensitive. Kids these days are pampered beyond belief.

ROFLMAO - AMEN!

Look, if I gotta crack an ass, I'm gonna crack an ass. I know my kids and I know what works. As long as I'm not abusing them emotionally, mentally, spiritually or physically then everyone else can kiss my ass. But, that's just me.

 

[Beatlebot]

I have a friend with a two year old and she is anti-spanking. When he misbehaves she reasons with him and tries to give him a time out. The result is that he has no fear of her at all and when he decides to be disobedient he is very wilful about it.

We were walking past a construction site one evening after he had been fairly disobedient all day, each time he was disobedient he would get attention when she tried to reason with him, so he was having a great day pushing his mother to her wits end. Then he decided to run straight for the construction site. There was a gap in the fence just wide enough for a two year old to get through, but not for an adult. We could see what was going to happen straight away and we shouted at him to come back but to his two year old mind that was just fun and games even when we yelled angrily.

Luckily his mother is quick on her feet, she dropped her bags and ran after him, catching him just as he was halfway through the gap. I know that if he had gone through there was no way we could make him come out again, while he was on a dangerous construction site.

I think that kids have to have some fear of their parents and punishment for their own safety. A parent needs to have the highest authority from time to time.

 

[Miss_Spitfire]

Yes, reasoning with a two year old can't be done - trust me on this one. lol...... I don't think my kids fear me, but they DO respect me. There's a difference. But yeh, I get what you're saying and that was a great post.

 

[Kul69]

I think the key to discipline lies in attention more than anything else. If your child is being an asshole and you keep yelling at him when he does it or giving them any kind of attention, they'll continue to do it because negative attention is still attention. They've diverted the parent from whatever they were doing to paying attention to them.

The trick I believe is to essentially ignore your child when they try to purposefully annoy you or do something bad right in front of you for attention. Anything good they do, you should make them feel REALLY good about it. Eventually the child will learn that bad things don't get them any attention only good things do.

Obviously you can't just ignore your child if they're in a store throwing stuff all over, but instead of screaming and beating your child, just take the shit away from him and put it back then strap his ass down to the shopping cart or whatever and ignore him until he shuts up.

God, I'd be a great father....... ..of mental disturbance.

 

[kandyraverchick]

Do any of you get the feeling that smaking for some parents becomes habbit? I've seen many parents who smack their children, smack them for just about everything they do when the parent doesn't get their own way, straight away.

I feel that this in a discraceful way of parenting! It's nothing but lazy!

I don't like to judge parents for the way they raise their children but I really feel (if a parent *must* smack) it should be a last resort. It should also be explained to they child why what they're doing is wrong prior to being smacked. Unfortunately I tend to hear "Don't touch *insert name of whatever here* or you're going to get a smack". This doesn't teach the child why what they're doing is wrong, all it teaches them is it's wrong because I'll get a smack if I continue. It's very important for a child to know why what they're doing is wrong - they need to be able to understand that before they'll learn from it.

There are parents who smack their children on a daily basis, sometimes multiple times a day. This is going way to far - surely a child shouldn't be punished for his/ her innocence all the time.

As I said, I don't entirely agree with smacking but if a parent smacks their child under more extreme circumstances - I understand. If a parent smacks their child just about everytime something itsy bitsy goes wrong without justified explanation to the child - it's lazy!

At least give your child the courtesy of an explanation for your behaviour towards them. By explaining I mean tell them (for example) why it's burns? not just that burns, because if the childs never been burnt before they don't know what a burn really is or what exactly it means! Regardless of how many times you've told them, I think they need it explained to them consistently each and every time until they truly understand (hence not involving themselves in that form of risk taking again).

 

[PurrrinInOk]

I only have one child, a 12 year old boy.
(I also have 5 *furkids* 1 dog, 4 cats)

Sometimes I wonder what has happened to the thinking of modern parents? What ever happened to holding kids accountable for their actions, and correcting...yes, even spanking them when they’re out of line?

From my perspective, if you do not PROPERLY discipline your child, you are harming him/her more than a spanking will ever do.

Of course, I'm not suggesting that any parent should somehow abuse their children or beat them to a pulp. But moderate spanking on their bottom with some infliction of discomfort, has been, and will always be a vital means of correcting kids. I think it's vital for every parent to learn how to have a loving parental relationship WITH effective discipline in the home.
I also think it's important not to spank kids out of anger. This only teaches them to lash out physically when THEY get angry. Take a breath, count to three, and let your kid know why you are spanking.

Kids must have a good role model to imitate. I believe that withholding discipline from kids is not an act of love for them — rather, it is an act of love for ourselves, protecting our emotions from the fear of rejection by our child — or simply not caring about their future outcome. If we love our kids we will undergo the ordeal of disciplining them.

Every parent should bring correction to the behavior of their kids. The place to start is when they are small — not when they’re nearly grown up.

 

[kandyraverchick]

^^ No-one is debating whether or not discipline is necissary. I think we all agree that it is - the debate is about smacking and smacking is NOT the only form of discipline. Just because a parent doesn't smack their child, doen't mean the child isn't disciplined.

 

[PurrrinInOk]

^^ Yes I agree kandy, I did not see your post until after I sent mine....good post I've been very very lucky with my son (so far). I've only had to spank him one time when he was 2 He did not like that at all, So the threats of spanking have worked since then. Now we are in the pre-teen years 8( ohhh joy!! LOL

 

[bigfloppyfish]

i think smacking is acceptable as long as its merely to punish the child rarther than out of anger....ie if the parent loses his/her temper with the child n smacks him/her....i think think this is wrong. but if the child does something wrong and has already been asked not to behave in this way (ie the child already knows that what he/she is doing is unacceptable behaviour)then it is okay to smack the child.

 

[Udman]

I have thought about this topic quite a bit lately as I am the father of a 21 Month old son. I have come to the conclusion that I will not be spanking him for any reason. My wife and I have decided this because we do not want to teach him that violence is okay. There is ALWAYS a better way to handle someone who is making you angry than hitting them. Hitting your child teaches them that if someone is doing something that you don't like, it is okay to react with violence. Children are going to mirror your behavior and I do not want to contribute to the already violent climate that children have to grow up in today.

I believe that children should be disciplined, but I think that there are much more effective ways of disciplining children. Spanking may work in the short-term, but I have to believe that there are negative consequences to it. There are other ways to maintain respect and authority without physical force.

 

[itinerary001]

I believe this would suffice:

Datura as punishment
Datura has been used traditionally by the Mapuche-Huilliche and the Jívaro tribes of South America as a last-resort punishment for unruly children.

http://www.erowid.org/plants/datura/datura_bits.shtml

Pick one son!

 

[vibr8tor]

For me- I was spanked as a child. Am I bitter about it? Yes, to some extent. Looking back, it was always in anger, not out of concern from my parents.

As a mother of two, I have never spanked my children, nor have I needed to. They are now 7 and 9, both boys, and I'm very proud of how well behaved and polite they are. Almost too much so at times, if that's possible. They have never once physically fought or even done minor aggressive things like hairpulling or shoving. Time outs, restrictions, and creative consequences like essay writing have been far more effective than physical threats ever could be.

And as someone who's worked with behavior problem children for two different jobs, I'd like to add one thing. Don't doubt for a minute that when you see horrendously mis-behaving kids in public that what they are lacking is "a good ass whooping." I would bet that they've had that and more on multiple occasions. Abuse doesn't keep children in line, it teaches them that violence is an acceptable way to deal with anger.