Shinobi
Bluelighter
Sorry to hurt you and I feel as if I am not a good person ...
It seems of late this is my take on myself. I have hurt someone I cared about, and I fear that things might not be the same. I have let the BL community down I feel as well. Through recent events and such I have made my choices on being removed from Mod status.
I'm not sure what to do about this. I have this feeling in my chest thats just terrible. Worse than the pain my wisdom teeth are causeing me, which was my excuse to leave early. I even let me job down due to my own issues.
I tried punching my walls. Now i'm left with a brusied right hand thats swollen and in poor shape. This along with other bruises I now bare go to show my in ablity to deal with somethings. This isn't a common practice, but I did it nevertheless.
To BL I am sorry. I feel that I have let you all down. To this, I am wordless and don't know what to say.
I dreamt a crazy dream again. I was listening to a cd of mine, and I feel asleep while this was on my mind. I dreamt that I was at my house in my back yard. I was practicing outside with my Ninja-to ( sword ), doing Kata's.
There there were people watching me. I couldn't see them, but I knew who they were. I continued on and was fiercly waving my sword through the air. I saw infront of me nothing, but had visualations of what I was attacking. It was myself, I was trying to cut through what was giving me such pain.
Then she appeared again. I felt her presense behind me and I knew she was coming towards me. To help me, or that was her intentions.
I turned to face her, my attacks now going towards her person. I wasn't trying to hit her, but my anger was pointed at her. She kept her distance as to not be hurt my slashing. She stoped her approach and I turned away.
She continued again and I tried to ignore her. I wanted so badly for her to go away. To be able to continue to be ignorant and not let myself feel anything but raw warrior emotions. I faced her again my sword pointed at her this time as I spun around. It was pointing right at her face, inbetween her eyes. I was posed, standing there angry at her.
She was crying, crying and upset, which I tried to make fuel my fire, but as I sat there at watched her cry I knew it was not her I should attack.
I turned away again, rasied my sword in the air and then plunged it into my body. I feel to my knees and as I gasped for air, blood came from my mouth landing on my sword and hands which held it. Tears dripped down my face and my crimson red lips muttered my last words which I tell you to whom I hurt,
I'm sorry
It seems of late this is my take on myself. I have hurt someone I cared about, and I fear that things might not be the same. I have let the BL community down I feel as well. Through recent events and such I have made my choices on being removed from Mod status.
I'm not sure what to do about this. I have this feeling in my chest thats just terrible. Worse than the pain my wisdom teeth are causeing me, which was my excuse to leave early. I even let me job down due to my own issues.
I tried punching my walls. Now i'm left with a brusied right hand thats swollen and in poor shape. This along with other bruises I now bare go to show my in ablity to deal with somethings. This isn't a common practice, but I did it nevertheless.
To BL I am sorry. I feel that I have let you all down. To this, I am wordless and don't know what to say.
I dreamt a crazy dream again. I was listening to a cd of mine, and I feel asleep while this was on my mind. I dreamt that I was at my house in my back yard. I was practicing outside with my Ninja-to ( sword ), doing Kata's.
There there were people watching me. I couldn't see them, but I knew who they were. I continued on and was fiercly waving my sword through the air. I saw infront of me nothing, but had visualations of what I was attacking. It was myself, I was trying to cut through what was giving me such pain.
Then she appeared again. I felt her presense behind me and I knew she was coming towards me. To help me, or that was her intentions.
I turned to face her, my attacks now going towards her person. I wasn't trying to hit her, but my anger was pointed at her. She kept her distance as to not be hurt my slashing. She stoped her approach and I turned away.
She continued again and I tried to ignore her. I wanted so badly for her to go away. To be able to continue to be ignorant and not let myself feel anything but raw warrior emotions. I faced her again my sword pointed at her this time as I spun around. It was pointing right at her face, inbetween her eyes. I was posed, standing there angry at her.
She was crying, crying and upset, which I tried to make fuel my fire, but as I sat there at watched her cry I knew it was not her I should attack.
I turned away again, rasied my sword in the air and then plunged it into my body. I feel to my knees and as I gasped for air, blood came from my mouth landing on my sword and hands which held it. Tears dripped down my face and my crimson red lips muttered my last words which I tell you to whom I hurt,
I'm sorry
