Sorry for starting threads here all the time but its 2 days til my birthday

[wooger]

and I have no plans because I have no friends. sounds like an equation that balances to me

Its got steadily worse over the last few years and it prolly has alot to do with how I was a raging alcoholic and managed to drive everyone away from me.

However, I have one friend left and I mentioned to him that I would like to go to this underground dance music club in a big city near to us (like 30 mins drive away) but he claims he has no money to go. Which is fair enough I guess if thats really the case but whenever I get off the phone from talking to him hes always doing something/just got back from doing something.

i.e. he was just telling me, he went to a houseparty last night with someone i used to be friends with (no invite for me, obviously) but she even invited a guy who she used to mention to me constantly that she absolutely hated. wow - i feel loved.

anyways, I think I am gunna go and cry now, which i will alcso be doing on my birthday.

I remember these last few years whenever its my birthday i just make out like it doesnt bother me at all that nobody cares about it (in fact, I rarely tell people these days because I dont feel as if anybody would want to celebrate my pathetic existance).

I know it sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself (and maybe I am, maybe thats part of the problem, I guess people see 'whingers' as not alot of fun but I don't normally whinge on at ppl irl i just keep it bottled up inside, unless I'm drunk and it all comes flooding out.)

Anyway, I know its a stupid thing to be upset about but I'm gunna go have my cry nevertheless and prolly spend my entire birthday pretending I dont care its my birthday and then go to my room and cry my eyes out, just like I did last year and the year before for that matter,

Sorry for the pointless rant, TDS is good for getting things off your chest.

 

[villian]

I guess you have plenty of time to go out and make friends then, right?

 

[panic in paradise]

i dont have any friends either....

its nice and quiet that way.

i usually try and let my Birth~Day sneak by here, which im usually successful at.

having a B~day celebration here is very convenient, you can come and go with your cake as you please, no awkward t/y's, y/w's, gloating, pitying lol. you only have to put up with the BullShit of other people to an extent, which can be nice on your BDay.


so ill start you a drum roll until the big day!!!
*inhale and begins............

 

[Asclepius]

Anyway, I know its a stupid thing to be upset about but I'm gunna go have my cry nevertheless and prolly spend my entire birthday pretending I dont care its my birthday and then go to my room and cry my eyes out, just like I did last year and the year before for that matter,

Wooger, I now what it's like man! I celebrated my 18th back when I was partying but after that nothing happened, spent my 21st Birthday in a Mental Hospital; severley underweight with an E.D.; in a 'Youth group' making Risotto for some ratarded 'Therapy' (Oh, if I couldnt laugh at the Irony of it now! ) After that, never celebrated with 'friends', ...did get a one or two texts however but basically Birthdays are redundant to me.

Think you have every right to feel sorry for yourself for your losses however, after youve cleansed yourself, it's very important to say 'Fuck it!'

Sick of beating myself up because I'm not thought about/considered IRL...had to cultivate a Spirit of: If you want to enjoy yourself, work with what you have instead of pining for what you dont have...because you shouldnt have to look for recognition from people who arent willing to give you the recognition/companionship you deserve hun!

It is important to recognise your losses and then cut them so that you can focus on finding things to enjoy yourself, genuine friends care about their mates.
Worst case scenario, these people dont want to be around you and why should you join in with them and beat yourself up for not fitting into their standards?! Screw that!

What you are crying about is that you are lonely, want to fit in somewhere and need to find things/people that enhance your life and not make you feel rejected. There is a world of all kinds of people out there and chances are alot/some of them will want to be around you for who you are.
Please bear this in mind because it's far too easy to draw cruel asuumptions about ourselves; based on the behaviour of a few people, that really arent that important to us in the grand scheme of things.
*Hugz*

having a B~day celebration here is very convenient, you can come and go with your cake as you please,

LMAO

 

[Legerity]

Hey...I can really understand that...I've gone through extended period of having very few friends and feeling like I did not connect with anybody.

It can be better to be on your own than to have friendships that are superficial. You are in a position now to look for something meaningful. And if you are able to be on your own for a period of time, it will give you a lot of strength that will allow you to avoid becoming dependent on other people in order to avoid dealing with yourself. Many people spend all their energy avoiding loneliness because they just can't handle it. But there is nothing inherently wrong about being "alone" for any period of time, there is just a lot of social pressure to avoid this. Most people could benefit from periods like this so that they have some time not being caught up in the social roles that they play and learn more about who they are.

And don't think that you won't be able to find meaningful friendships. More than once I've made the conscious decision to separate from the crowd that I knew. It was hard at first but so freeing. I've gotten more confident at meeting new people and now it feels like each new encounter or friendship that I have is a spiritual experience, they have become much more genuine and I am much more selective about the people that I will let into my life.

So be kind to yourself and have a great birthday whether it is completely alone or with us on bluelight

 

[paranoid android]

You usually find out who your "real" friends are not the hangarounds who just drink and do drugs with you when your at a low point. I was a raging alcoholic when i was younger and i quit when i was 21. I had to quit because i got so bad i doubt very much that i would still be alive if i had kept it up. Anyway i had lotsa friends 8) who would go out drinking and doing whatever drugs we could score. That was no problem just cal someone up and say wanna go get a 40ozer of whiskey and id have someone pick me up. But they only bothered calling when i was going out drinking or doing whatever and had money.

When i quit and was in a really bad spot for a few years due to various illnesses i suddenly found out that i had very few friends indeed. In fact i only had 1 of my friends call me up and ask me how i was doing. We grew up together and he was actually a real friend but sadly he died years ago and i still miss him

As for your birthday well don't worry too much cause trust me they get alot less exciting as you get older. Plus if i go out now and really party it up i tend to be like someone recovering from surgery for a few days after. But having company around for the sake of it can be just as depressing as having noone around. Actually it's worse as there is nothing worse then sitting around with people you don't really care for getting drunk. Ever notice that you can only tolerate some people while you are drunk? With me atleast i can only handle being around certain cunts while drunk granted with my temper that can go bad quick

It's nice to see another person with a bday in january. Ya know what they say the best people are born in january . So have a good one wheather your alone or not.

 

[wooger]

thank you all for the messages.

in the end I had a VERY quiet birthday, as expected really *sigh*.

But I guess in the end thats a good thing, like I said I have no real friends (maybe like 1) and previous to the past month pretty much all social interaction was conducted with me drunk and I know I can't drink anymore, at least not for a very long time, and I need to get to know 'me'. and try and construct some kind of life for myself.

I just feel so 'behind' everyone else when they have been doing just that and Ive basically just been abusing my body and mind

but hey, not touched a drop since christmas eve so thats something

 

[n3ophy7e]

but hey, not touched a drop since christmas eve so thats something

That is excellent man, good work! Keep it up
And happy belated birthday!!

 

[wooger]

thank you!!

It's amazing how quickly my body seems to be recovering! I did have a period of seriously fucked up vision from some serious abuse but it seems to have gone back to normal now :D