Positive Sometimes in The Dark, You find Love

[deficiT]

I wanted to bring a little bit of light to The Dark Side, and so I'm sharing something that I posted recently. Some Bluelighters proved to me the other day that this is a sacred mission we are undertaking. We are striving to help our fellow man and alleviate some of the suffering in this mad world. And it is tough business, because there's so many intricacies and nuances that weave each individual together to make this giant web of humanity. Anyway, before I ramble, here's what I was thinking:

It really goes to show who has your back when you're going through it. I know I'm dramatic and crazy and I hate that about myself when I get like that and I know I've pushed a lot of people away because of my behavior. But damnit I have my reasons. Ya know, for people that only half know my story, might not understand. I might as well just tell it one day, that'll be a damn tl;Dr but it might shed some light on why I am who I am.

Only one of my best mates from school offered so much as a word of condolence when I lost the love of my life, and one other who has been supportive from afar, which I do appreciate. Not a peep from any of the other people I would take a bullet for in a moments notice.

That hurts. But after the other night, I realized who DOES have my back. Bluelighters have my back. Street Fighters have my back. My adoptive family loves me unconditionally. The numerous people going through similar struggles that message with me periodically to check in with each other have my back. I hope you know who you are. Because, despite not knowing each other that well, I consider you all great friends.

All of these beautiful people have played a part in reminding me that life is worth living and people are worth loving. And I know I need a lot of reminders, I'm just needy like that. But I solemnly swear that I will do anything I can for a friend or loved one. I don't have much, but if you need a pair of ears, or a friend when you're down, I'm always here and I always will be. If you need an alibi or a body guard, I'm skinny but I'm scrappy like a mfer, don't let me get into that disorderly conduct charge I got at age 15 when a cop got too frisky for my liking.

Nothing but love,
deficiT

 

[PtahTek]

YOU DAT MF!

 

[paranoid android]

The darkest time i ever had was when i was in the psych ward. I didnt have the internet the whole time i was in there because my computer broke shortly before i went in. However when i got out one of the first things i did after buying a new computer was to log into BL. Well that and buy some coke lol. A few of my friends from BL where worried as fuck for me because noone knew where the fuck i was for 6 months.

So ya BL has always been there for me

 

[PtahTek]

Sometimes it's hard to see any light when it gets dark but if we hold fast and wait it out we do get to a point of illumination that carries us through.
Just a shame to me that we cannot stay basking in light forever. Looking back through the years/decades, though, shit does seem to be getting a little darker by the day: Maybe this will push us to seek some light just that much harder and hope someday we can turn the tables in some way that is sustainable to our health and happiness as a whole.
We will have our ups and downs naturally but sometimes we get floored for a while by shit beyond our "control"... this is the hardest (I think) to get over it's like WTF what the hell did I do to deserve this BS. I mean if I fuck up and end up in a dark place just seems easier to get over.
Love you family.
Best to you all.
Peace