Spencer
Bluelight Crew
i told myself i wouldnt read this
insecuriteis lead to undue criticism
tonight i opened up and i dont understand why
i dont like this feeling
i dont know these people
sometimes i feel like i've sold myself out
she is the only one here for me
everyone else..i dont know
they say they are a friend
do they mean it?
"its hard work being spencer"
does anyone really know?
sometimes i feel like i've sold myself out
i have 4 friends
one who i love
we are one
one who has lasted the test of time
and yet i dont understand why
one who seems like the odd man out
but really understands me than most ever will
and one that i am not sure abou
we have alot in common, but is still new, and hasnt withstood the test of my righteous indecision
sometimes i feel like i've sold myself out
someone once told me that compassion is a valid emotion, and that justified pain and suffering
i would much rather not know what compassion is than to suffer pain
the pain of my naive behavior
my pre-mature trust
my belief that this drug was bringing me closer to these people.
was it really the drug
i thought something was there
maybe not
a cold night long ago forged many things that i thought to be true, but ultimatly were not.
sometimes i feel like i've sold myself out
it is ironic that a name like harmony can bring such discontent
such distrust
such disrespect
such hatred
to those who were around me at the time
sometimes i think i've sold myself out
ive done everything i could to keep old friendships
because i dont know how to make new ones
the new ones that come along slip away
i dont enderstand
life was alot easier before i found the formula for *happiness*
sometimes i feel i've sold myself out
persepctive leads to lack of emotion leads to lose of perspective leads to irrationality leads to...fate
sometimes i feel i've sold myself out
i read this board and i laugh at the new ones
i used to be you
when did i become so much better than you
why am i so cruel
its not like you would ever respect my opinion anyway
sometimes i feel like ive sold myself out
i sit here writing from my stream of conciousness
beer in hand
i should be asleep
and as i reflect on my evening
this irrational dive into what can only be described as self loathing and self doubt
i realize that i will go to sleep
and i will wake up
and everything will be ok
because that is how i have trained myself to think
maybe this momento will remind me that maybe everything can't be put into persepctive
that everything isnt easily tucked away
that these people who used to be so dear to me have moved on with thier lives
that i am alone
sometimes i think i've sold myself out
she may not understand me
but she is here for me
through 19 months of bullshit
and 4 months of honesty
sometimes i think i have a reason to carry on
-Justin
[This message has been edited by Spencer (edited 14 September 2000).]
insecuriteis lead to undue criticism
tonight i opened up and i dont understand why
i dont like this feeling
i dont know these people
sometimes i feel like i've sold myself out
she is the only one here for me
everyone else..i dont know
they say they are a friend
do they mean it?
"its hard work being spencer"
does anyone really know?
sometimes i feel like i've sold myself out
i have 4 friends
one who i love
we are one
one who has lasted the test of time
and yet i dont understand why
one who seems like the odd man out
but really understands me than most ever will
and one that i am not sure abou
we have alot in common, but is still new, and hasnt withstood the test of my righteous indecision
sometimes i feel like i've sold myself out
someone once told me that compassion is a valid emotion, and that justified pain and suffering
i would much rather not know what compassion is than to suffer pain
the pain of my naive behavior
my pre-mature trust
my belief that this drug was bringing me closer to these people.
was it really the drug
i thought something was there
maybe not
a cold night long ago forged many things that i thought to be true, but ultimatly were not.
sometimes i feel like i've sold myself out
it is ironic that a name like harmony can bring such discontent
such distrust
such disrespect
such hatred
to those who were around me at the time
sometimes i think i've sold myself out
ive done everything i could to keep old friendships
because i dont know how to make new ones
the new ones that come along slip away
i dont enderstand
life was alot easier before i found the formula for *happiness*
sometimes i feel i've sold myself out
persepctive leads to lack of emotion leads to lose of perspective leads to irrationality leads to...fate
sometimes i feel i've sold myself out
i read this board and i laugh at the new ones
i used to be you
when did i become so much better than you
why am i so cruel
its not like you would ever respect my opinion anyway
sometimes i feel like ive sold myself out
i sit here writing from my stream of conciousness
beer in hand
i should be asleep
and as i reflect on my evening
this irrational dive into what can only be described as self loathing and self doubt
i realize that i will go to sleep
and i will wake up
and everything will be ok
because that is how i have trained myself to think
maybe this momento will remind me that maybe everything can't be put into persepctive
that everything isnt easily tucked away
that these people who used to be so dear to me have moved on with thier lives
that i am alone
sometimes i think i've sold myself out
she may not understand me
but she is here for me
through 19 months of bullshit
and 4 months of honesty
sometimes i think i have a reason to carry on
-Justin
[This message has been edited by Spencer (edited 14 September 2000).]
