Sometimes I cry

I spent last night in my old house, wide awake all night long. I just kept walking up[ and down the steps that lead to our bedroom. I'd reach the doorway and start crying. Run back down stairs and do it again once I pulled myself together.

Before last night I made a trip to see someone I thought was an ex. I listened to him scream right in my face about how I fucked everything up, I'm a horrible mother, I need to grow up and STOP FUCKING CRYING! I couldn't take it he wouldn't give me a phone to use, the bus had already stopped running for the night. So I slipped up again, I walked out his door with only my blade. He saw the drops on his floor and came after me. (theres so much more to say..about what happened) heh at that point he did let me use the phone. he let me use it once, i called someone that i trust whole heartedly and miss very much.

Anyway i ended up staying there for the night.
More things i'm not proud of, things :( i can't say around the tears.

<3 Syl, you are my sunshine & i hope you never read any of this <3
 
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Vaya
empty remains, I know this may sound cliche, but you might consider seeking professional help. Involving yourself in psychology doesn't always come with a hefty price tag, and there are plenty of free clinics and referrals.

The second thing I got from your entry, if I may say so, is that you sound very scared and feel instability about your life. If so, that suggests that you rethink the precise and honest reasons that you are in that predicament at all. If it's about romantic attachment, I understand that plight all too well, and have suffered many a shipwreck in love's vast ocean. But, as my mother once told me in the pit of my own despair, all relationships are practice for the one that works. About two years later, she was proven right.

You've "practiced enough"; move on to the real thing. It's worth fighting for.
I wish you only the best; just think.

Regards,
~ vaya
 
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