firestarter30
Greenlighter
- Joined
- May 9, 2016
- Messages
- 1
I don't know where else to go, I've been feeling really strange after my experience. This is regarding me 'breaking down' and revealing my subconscious mind apparently. I'm going into deep detail in this story for you to better understand, so please bear with me. Anyone with similar experiences or knowledge regarding ecstasy would be greatly appreciated.
I'm a 24 yr old male, for what it matters. I've done ecstasy many times before (I don't do it often) but I've never had a trip or rolled this hard before. My friends and I decided to throw a party Thursday night, and a few of us wanted to take some ecstasy. Mind you, before we took these pills, we were pretty drunk already. I'm assuming the mixture of alcohol had something to do with this experience. Anyway, I don't know what the pills were called, but I was warned they were strong and that I would be good off a half, so I just took a half like I was told. As it starts to hit me, I was offered about an eight more of it, so I took it. Everything is going well, a few of us rolling and others were just drinking. More people arrive, and it's hitting me hard at this point. I'm in the jacuzzi and my eyes start rolling to the back of my head and I have people looking at me saying stuff like "he's on a different level". I get self-conscious, so I get out of the jacuzzi and go upstairs by myself in a room to calm down. This is where things start to get really weird, and I don't remember a lot of it. I didn't drink THAT much, so I think the blacking out is more from how hard I was rolling than the drinks.
So I'm in this room by myself and I'm freaking out. I'm sitting on the ground just staring at the wall while having lucid, paranoid thoughts entering my mind that I was molested as a kid. I have no idea where the hell this is coming from since I don't recall any of that stuff happening to me as a kid nor was it ever a big concern to me before. Two of my friends come in to check on me and to see what's going on with me. I stupidly start revealing my thoughts to them and apparently it went on for about an hour telling them what happened to me. They are convinced something did happen to me and that these are thoughts I have been suppressing.
The next day I woke up confused, embarrassed, and depressed from the ecstasy hangover. I don't remember the whole night, but I do remember mentioning that I was molested. Why would I say something like this? Was I really molested and I have been suppressing everything? Or was this drug just messing with my mind? Whoever that was that night was not me, because I am generally not an open person emotionally and I would never share something like that regardless if it was true. My theory was maybe I was just being dramatic and this is an inner fear of mine and I let it out convinced my fear did happen? I don't know, but these past 3 days have been killing me not knowing the truth and why I said that stuff. My mind is in a funk and I don't want to talk to anybody about this. I know it would be no one in my close family, that's for certain.
Reasons I think it didn't happen:
- I grew up normally, and no adult saw any symptoms or problems with me apparently
- I don't have any panic attacks or nightmares about an incident
- I don't have any problems sexually
So unless I somehow managed to block out the incident completely in my mind, I don't see how that's possible. Again, I think it was not only the hard roll that caused this reaction, but also the mixture with my drunkenness.
I'm a 24 yr old male, for what it matters. I've done ecstasy many times before (I don't do it often) but I've never had a trip or rolled this hard before. My friends and I decided to throw a party Thursday night, and a few of us wanted to take some ecstasy. Mind you, before we took these pills, we were pretty drunk already. I'm assuming the mixture of alcohol had something to do with this experience. Anyway, I don't know what the pills were called, but I was warned they were strong and that I would be good off a half, so I just took a half like I was told. As it starts to hit me, I was offered about an eight more of it, so I took it. Everything is going well, a few of us rolling and others were just drinking. More people arrive, and it's hitting me hard at this point. I'm in the jacuzzi and my eyes start rolling to the back of my head and I have people looking at me saying stuff like "he's on a different level". I get self-conscious, so I get out of the jacuzzi and go upstairs by myself in a room to calm down. This is where things start to get really weird, and I don't remember a lot of it. I didn't drink THAT much, so I think the blacking out is more from how hard I was rolling than the drinks.
So I'm in this room by myself and I'm freaking out. I'm sitting on the ground just staring at the wall while having lucid, paranoid thoughts entering my mind that I was molested as a kid. I have no idea where the hell this is coming from since I don't recall any of that stuff happening to me as a kid nor was it ever a big concern to me before. Two of my friends come in to check on me and to see what's going on with me. I stupidly start revealing my thoughts to them and apparently it went on for about an hour telling them what happened to me. They are convinced something did happen to me and that these are thoughts I have been suppressing.
The next day I woke up confused, embarrassed, and depressed from the ecstasy hangover. I don't remember the whole night, but I do remember mentioning that I was molested. Why would I say something like this? Was I really molested and I have been suppressing everything? Or was this drug just messing with my mind? Whoever that was that night was not me, because I am generally not an open person emotionally and I would never share something like that regardless if it was true. My theory was maybe I was just being dramatic and this is an inner fear of mine and I let it out convinced my fear did happen? I don't know, but these past 3 days have been killing me not knowing the truth and why I said that stuff. My mind is in a funk and I don't want to talk to anybody about this. I know it would be no one in my close family, that's for certain.
Reasons I think it didn't happen:
- I grew up normally, and no adult saw any symptoms or problems with me apparently
- I don't have any panic attacks or nightmares about an incident
- I don't have any problems sexually
So unless I somehow managed to block out the incident completely in my mind, I don't see how that's possible. Again, I think it was not only the hard roll that caused this reaction, but also the mixture with my drunkenness.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
ive seen people come out with some weird stuff on MDMA in the past where I'm unsure if its the drugs messing with the mind or not.