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something i wrote when bored

onetwothreefour

onetwothreefour

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"born" - something i wrote when bored

i thought i'd post this because it's a little happier than my last thing, and i'm in a better mood...

i guess it's untitled, because it was really just spur of the moment. also, it's unedited...because i just don't really edit things :)

make of it what you will...criticism is welcome (and i'm quite happy to accept negative criticism too - i haven't really done *any* creative writing since primary school, so i'm going to suck, and criticism will help me get better...)

blood and sweat and tears of pain engulf me. my shrill screams escape, just, from the dark cavity i call home. trapped, happily, in these warm depths of darkness, i'm peaceful. i'm called to release, but resist.

i will not be removed without a fight. i ponder my self-awareness and grasp of language with interest, but return instead to the comfort of my immediate surroundings. the darkness is my solace. i begin to struggle, but continue to scream, continue to bleed. my brain throbs with new thought inside my rattled skull, my skin, slimy, is red, then white, then pink.

now my screams are joined by a louder, deeper howling - i retreat, as much as i can, in fear. muscle and bone, lubricated by blood and vomit and excrement, pulses against my own. i'm pushed forward, and out.

my eyes, my sight; before now unrealised. i sense light. pain. i continue to scream. hands grasp me; shocked, i kick my feeble legs out at the source of discomfort. i am born.

the cord from which i draw my strength, my life, is cut. i must find a new source. my lips, instinctively, force themselves open and i breathe air for the first time in my short life. it taste bitter. soon, i will learn this the taste of my life.

ok, so it wasn't entirely upbeat...but it sure felt better than the last one!
 
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I liked it because i have no idea whats really going on. the events dont matter, why you are feeling doesnt matter--only the feeling, the release matters.

also i find it really interesting you called it "happy"--I saw the pleasure in it (self awareness excites me) but i dont think most people would. what with all the blood, darkness, pain, screams..:)

I really enjoyed it though. really enjoyed it. it reminds me of my writing a little-pure feelings. finding the joy in the dark pain. maybe i'm wrong, but thats what i got.
 
^^^ thanks.

i think the happiness came from the comfort - i was exploring what it was like inside the womb (which is strange, because i just started off wanting something primal; bloody and disgusting more-or-less :))...from then on i guess it probably losing it's happiness, ending with a dig at the world and it's "bitter"ness.

but yeah, i think there can be a certain pleasurable aspect to "blood, darkness, pain, screams" - ask any self-respecting masochist. what i find most unusual is how much i enjoyed writing about that, but the concept (going back to masochism, or even exploration of the "dark" side of things) doesn't really interest me irl - only to write about it.

but yeah, thanks for the comments :)
 
Well, you're right. It is a lot more uplifting than the last piece you posted in this forum. I find the subject intriguing, as the moment of birth is one I believe has a long lasting psychological effect on how we develop as human beings. If only such a thing as this, the idea of sentience at birth, was possible.

While the tone of your work is dark, I feel (obviously you're the only one who knows) that there's a slightly uplifting and life affirming element to it, one that accepts that while life contains much pain, there's also joy to balance it.

I enjoyed reading this, a very nice pithy piece of work.

-plaz out-
 
having written this, it actually made me contemplate whether i have any subconcious memory or recognition of the actual moment...i'm thinking no, but obviously there's very few ways (if any) to actually find out, so i guess i'll probably never know.

and yeah, i think the happiness of this piece came from the fact that since the death of my friend, i've been thinking through a lot of life/death issues. though this piece basically ends with a "fuck you" to the world, it's still about birth, and the beginning of new life, which will always some positive element(s).

anyway, thanks again for the comment :) i think i'll go read a few other peoples' work so that mine doesn't sit at the top of the page!!
 
This was really well done. Nice one dude, I think you're a better writer than you give yourself credit for.

This line in particular

i ponder my self-awareness and grasp of language with interest
Click to expand...

really made me sit back with a start. It gave me the idea that we're all able to choose intelligence when we're born, but we want the safety of mindless warmth and comfort instead.

Though it came across as something familiar and very organic (nice use of description there), I didn't actually realise what it was you were writing about until the last paragraph. Then I went back and re-read it, and got something new out of it...so good work!

--Raz-- =D
 
*bump*

heh, i realise it's probably frowned upon to bump our own threads, but fuckit, i've got a question :)

i'm looking for material to submit to our uni magazine - would this be suitable? i dunno, it's a pretty large audience full of people who i mostly know, so it's somewhat more stressful than just chucking it on bluelight. thoughts?
 
yeah, fuckit. one more bump. please ^^^ what i said is really quite true ya know, and i don't really think i wanna submit it without some idea of whether people think it's suitable!!??
 
hmmm I think this is a great piece, but if I was you I'd feel uncomfortable putting it in a magazine that people I know would be reading. It seems quite personal... and I don't think I would want people at uni reading it.

There's something about Bluelight... a kind of internet distance which makes it that tiny bit more impresonal [even when you know your friends will read it]

So I say no, but it does all depend on how much of yourself you're willing to expose. :)
 
^^^ :)

Originally posted by up all night
hmmm I think this is a great piece, but if I was you I'd feel uncomfortable putting it in a magazine that people I know would be reading. It seems quite personal... and I don't think I would want people at uni reading it.

There's something about Bluelight... a kind of internet distance which makes it that tiny bit more impresonal [even when you know your friends will read it]

So I say no, but it does all depend on how much of yourself you're willing to expose. :)


thanks for the comments. and now i'm still unsure. i can see what you mean - it is a pretty personal piece, but then again i am an arts student so i'm kinda used to putting stuff like that *out there*. but then, nothing this dramatic. i shall continue to consider :\
 
Yeah im with Raz my dear, i think if you had the opportunity to publish it, go for it. Its a good piece.

Just re-read over it and edit it (ie capitals etc where you want and stuff) so it is less edited by the magazine. (personally im all for not editing something once its written, with the written piece being something thats straight from the heart, but in the case where it is going to be published, id edit my work to avoid someone fixing any words, or anything for you, cuz that would suck.)

Good ya bumped it, i missed it first time...
 
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